I Feel Like I've Lost It All ... With Others

[Tom57]

I've been going through some deep depression lately and it's getting worse. I feel like my depression is caused by circumstances rather than by whatever else. Though I feel like I have been going through anhedonia (meaning I've lost joy in things). I feel depression even if good things happen.

Last Saturday (the 4th of July) a couple at my apartment decided to put on a b-b-q for the neighbors. At 10 AM I overheard very loud and clear, at my opened door, the husband invite my neighbor who's next to me. But he didn't invite me. I was hurt. I felt like it's a confirmation that I am hated. My neighbors seem stand offish with me.

And now I just let go of the only friend I had. I told him about what happened on The Fourth and he had been telling me that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He was not sympathetic with me. In fact, he has never been on my side whenever things have gone wrong. I've felt like he hasn't been real nice to me, so I let him go. And now I have no one. No family, no friends.

I do OK by myself and I'm an introvert. I like alone times but I never liked being totally alone. It seems like it has happened a lot in my life. So has being excluded when it comes to invitations, meaning I'd end up being the only one within my circle to not get invited when everyone else has. It's not a good feeling.

[SangSang]

Hi Tom,

I’m really sorry you’re going through such a heavy time right now. Reading your post, it makes complete sense why you feel so hurt and exhausted, feeling excluded, especially when it’s right outside your door, stings on a really deep level.
nulls brawl
When you’re already carrying depression and anhedonia, moments like that don't just feel like a missed invitation; they feel like proof of every negative thought depression tells you. But please remember that depression loves to filter reality to make us feel isolated. Your neighbor’s lack of an invitation might have been due to a hundred careless or awkward reasons on their end that had nothing to do with how liked or valued you actually are.