Help: Anxiety, Depression, Feeling Hopeless

[recgt]

Hi. I know this pandemic has been really hard for us all, but I am drowning and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I feel like last year took everything from me. If I enlist all of my problems in here, I feel like you'll just think of them as petty problems from a petty teenager, but I have honestly never felt worse than now. I don't feel like myself anymore. I went through the worst heartbreak I've experienced almost a year ago and I can't seem to move on, even though he was the one who messed up, not me. My friends all have their respective partners and I've never felt more alone. I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression over the past year, I'm taking my meds, but it just doesn't get better. I have no life. Because of the pandemic, I barely ever leave my home (partly because I am taking care of my health, but mostly because I have no one to go out with, no one invites me anywhere). No one cares. I am unimportant. I hate the way I look, I always have, but it has become worse. I feel unlovable, as if I will never find anyone who will make me feel the way I used to with my last boyfriend, or no one will ever love me again at all.
My friends are completely unempathetic. I've tried talking to them, trying to make them understand the degree of the sadness I feel within me, but the best advice I've gotten from them is to "look on the bright side" or "look for the positive in the situation" which is honestly just ridiculous; if I COULD look on the bright side, I WOULD but the problem is I CAN'T and they can't seem to understand that. On the other hand, I can't talk to my mom about the way I'm feeling because she doesn't handle mental health issues well. Her sister committed suicide before I was born. It's something we never talk about, something I found out by accident. So I feel like she thinks that I'm on my way to becoming suicidal, which I'm not, and she goes to extremes. Today, for example, she suggested I should drop out of college and focus on my mental health this semester, which just makes me feel like she thinks I'm useless, unable to get my work done even though I have above average grades.
Like I said, I've never felt lonelier than I do right now. I honestly don't know what to do. My sleep schedule is a mess, I barely exercise anymore, if I'm not doing homework, I'm laying in bed doing NOTHING. This isn't me, but I don't know how to get better. Please, help me.

[recgt]

Please, I know my story isn't as interesting or as emotional as others on here, but I just need to know someone cares, someone understands what I'm feeling

[jessica james]

Reading your story what I analyzed is that you need to love yourself first in order to get out of this anxiety and depression. You know what this is kind of funny but it is also revealing a hidden truth to everybody's experience that pretty much everybody is over-looking. Self-identification with the mind. Anxiety is of-the-mind - meaning it is born of thoughts, physical sensations (which are also made from the mind based on sensory input), and visual models of the past and future. If my anxiety wakes me up early I try to make it a positive and go for an early run. It’s been great on my body/ health and helps reduce the level of anxiety I have that day. I have adopted these alternate therapy options a few months back and they are literally helping me. Also, I am seeing a therapist who I consider my mentor. She has helped me a lot throughout my journey. Don't ever lose hope, have faith and trust in God, something better is coming your way.

[Brennen_Green20]

You are not alone, in feeling unloved, unmotivated and uninspired. This past year has changed many of us a lot in ways we didn't think were possible. I lost my job, my love and I am alone too. I have been on my bed since last year and it was this February that I started taking hold of my life bit by bit.
First, just give your place a makeover. Throw out unwanted stuff, donate your clothes, jewelry, or shoes that you will never need. You will so much better about it. Or put them up on your Instagram and sell them.
Second, give yourself one. Go get a haircut, hair dye whatever women these days do, you do that. It will make you feel so much better.
Third, you need to remember people come and go that is what life is all about. We have sat on our butts this entire year enough. You will find someone that loves you and stays. I am sure the memories are beautiful but just focus on your studies, for now, no matter how hard it is. The only thing you have right now is to study. Just focus your anger and anxieties on your book.
Also, keep a journal and make it your friend. It might sound like a cliche but I honestly do the same and it helps to vent out somewhere.
As far as friends being in relationships are concerned, I want to be a person that can stand on his own first before depending on someone so much emotionally again. It is great they are all in happy relationships but think about all that you lose in a relationship. That much emotional dependency on someone is nothing but toxic.
You will find love, just have patience and be someone who aces her exams and gives out things to others and doesn't care for the opinion of the world.
I started donating and making food and giving it to the people I find on the streets. I have a dog and he is all the company I need. I sent over 100 applications and my resume to places in the hopes I might get work somewhere. So don't give up yet and don't give up before you haven't tried everything. Only you can save yourself and start by taking charge of your life back.