Another relapse

[Emz]

Hi,

My name is Emma and I am new here. I came in search of a place where I can be understood, not rejected and to (hopefully) find some answers. I once belonged to another site like this, however they tightened up their membership rules and made honest expression impossible. I was eventually expelled from the site for telling a moderator (in private chat) that I felt suicidal.

I have been on the depression roller coaster since i was in my mid teens. I am now 27 and am still being thrown about by the tidal waves of my ever changing emotions.

I began to make real progress in my recovery about a year ago, and was even discharged from therapy since I was doing so well.

This changed about a month ago. I have once again been thrown to the ocean floor and feel like I'm drowning. This time feels different, bigger, stranger and more violent. I am feeling weakened by the constant bettering and don't feel like i can sustian this much longer. I am scared since I don't have my therapist on my side and can't go back to her since she recently retired. I know that I need to go hunting for someone else to see, but right now, I feel too overwhelmed by what is happening to me

What is making this harder are the frequent flash-backs to past abuse. This is the first time this has happened and i don't know how to deal with them.

Thank you for reading this. I know i rambled on a bit and I don't really know what I was asking for in reply.

[jer]

Hi Emma,

welcome to the forum.
and thanks for being honest with your past experiences with the other website.

I hope you still have the meds that you were taking so that you can get by till you find another therapist. Please find another therapist as quickly as you can. Would it be possible to ask your old therapist for some recommendations for new therapists.

You can always come here and post.
there is also a chat room where you can chat with others.


Regards
Jer

[Monty]

Emma,

I don't know what it is like in Sydney to find a good pdoc. It sounds, like at this point of your coming back, that you may need talking therapy and meds.

I think that it was wonderful that you made so much of a recovery a year ago or so. If you don't mind me asking, have you been hospitalized much over you life. Did something specific happen the year and a half ago that has precipitated this nosedive.

I certainy have been in and out of the mental health system. I was first diagnosed in 1988. On the early years, I was really a part of the revolving door act at my local hospitals.
I have gotten out I think, at one point, that I was hospitalized for a short time in 2004 and then a much longer period in 2006,

I can't into words the difference the Electo-Convulsive Therapy, better know as shock therapy). Best, know and very inaccurately portrayed in old movies. All very controlled, no thrashing about.

I am also a rapid-cycler. Makes it tough to cope. People that don't understand depression, certainly can't understand when there are wild mood swings. I think that sometimes it is just a big jigsaw puzzle, where the pieces from two boxed have been mixed together It does take a while to sort out.

Do you have someone in your life that helps you out? Listens to you?

It might be best to check with the moderators if there is somekind of guidance you can get in what you post. For me it always works if the person gets "Trigger Suicide" or such. So no one gets blindsided.

Looking forward to hearing from you again.

[helium]

I'm having a relapse- again.
My grandma is taking me to see a psychiastry (I know it is misspelled, sorry about that) twice a week. We are also talking about taking meds, again.

I know it is hard to find a new therapist, specially if you felt alright with the other one, but it is worth it. The worst you are feeling, the more you need help. It is better to start treatment right now than wait until it gets worst.


I wish you luck and you could always talk to us if you need someone.

Hortensia