feeling stuck

[sunflower18]

People always say it gets better but I am starting to realize that it really doesn't you just hide it better.
I came to this conclusion a while ago. I suffer from anxiety and have been struggling with an eating disorder for almost 8 years and I have attempted suicide twice. I keep waiting for the "it gets better" to start happing. Recently my brothers have turned away from my parent's religion and a lot of pressure has been put on me to be the golden child, but what I haven't told anyone is I am not sure I want to be in the same religion as my parents, one reason being I am Bi and its looked down upon in their religion. I was forced out of the closet by my dad reading texts between me and my relationship at the time when he asked me about them I told him "dad, I am BI", I was really hoping that he would understand. My dad and I have always been closer than my mom and I but instead, he told me that it was just a faze and to get over it, that was 3 years ago and I am still BI. Recently I house sat for my parents and had one of my very close friends over, we got super drunk and then got intimate. In the morning I explained to her that it got way out of hand the night before I didn't want her to feel weird bc she is straight and it messes up our friendship also I don't really see her in any other way other than a close friend. The reason I mention that is part of why I feel stuck my friend and I are sworn to never speak about it bc if we do then it will end badly for us both homosexuality is a huge no-no in this religion. Now I would just leave except this isn't just church every Sunday I was raised with only other people from this religion and would be completely shunned from everyone I ever knew including my own family. I just don't know what to do and I keep wondering what would be better to just end my suffering and be remembered as the golden child or keep trying and end up alone and still feeling shitty.

[someone.]

People always say it gets better but I am starting to realize that it really doesn't you just hide it better.
I came to this conclusion a while ago. I suffer from anxiety and have been struggling with an eating disorder for almost 8 years and I have attempted suicide twice. I keep waiting for the "it gets better" to start happing. Recently my brothers have turned away from my parent's religion and a lot of pressure has been put on me to be the golden child, but what I haven't told anyone is I am not sure I want to be in the same religion as my parents, one reason being I am Bi and its looked down upon in their religion. I was forced out of the closet by my dad reading texts between me and my relationship at the time when he asked me about them I told him "dad, I am BI", I was really hoping that he would understand. My dad and I have always been closer than my mom and I but instead, he told me that it was just a faze and to get over it, that was 3 years ago and I am still BI. Recently I house sat for my parents and had one of my very close friends over, we got super drunk and then got intimate. In the morning I explained to her that it got way out of hand the night before I didn't want her to feel weird bc she is straight and it messes up our friendship also I don't really see her in any other way other than a close friend. The reason I mention that is part of why I feel stuck my friend and I are sworn to never speak about it bc if we do then it will end badly for us both homosexuality is a huge no-no in this religion. Now I would just leave except this isn't just church every Sunday I was raised with only other people from this religion and would be completely shunned from everyone I ever knew including my own family. I just don't know what to do and I keep wondering what would be better to just end my suffering and be remembered as the golden child or keep trying and end up alone and still feeling shitty.

I feel for you. I really do. I might not understand exactly what it feels like. but I know how its sucks to ever reach expectations. I know how it feels like to be alone . people think im better now too, that im "normal' again or happy. but they dont realize its an act. i used to live with religious family, I kinda still do but I cope so I get what you mean. I probably cant give u the advice you need to here, but trust me you're not alone and im here for u if u need someone to listen.

[froggymom]

Feeling Stuck, I'm so sorry for your painful situation.Do you have a therapist you can discuss the situation with? I think you would benefit from some professional advice. I can only pray that God lead you to the answers and resolution of the issues. Hugs.

[random]

we all have something to deal with ourselves and we all wish to end those struggles as soon as possible. but it doesn’t work that way everytime. what we can only hope for is it will eventually come. ending it by your own judgement is not an answer. even if it hurts right now and it seems too long, just keep holding onto that light, that someday it will be better. no matter how hard it is to believe on those, just decide to believe ‘coz that is for your best.