The things that make me depressed are all very minor things when I think about them objectively. I do try and tell myself that I shouldn't worry about those things and that I am only overthinking. But that doesn't always work. I still get depressed despite trying to fight against it. I am so aware of what I feel like, that I sometimes blame myself. I blame myself for feeling depressed. I blame myself for wanting comfort. I blame myself for not listening to my own words. I blame myself for not being able to find joy. Even now, I half feel like I am just another person who is seeking for attention. I think about my feelings from a third person's point of view and suddenly, my true feelings feel so artificial. So fake.
One of the reasons why I feel so lonely at times, is because I am an online student. One year, I suddenly had to move houses and that brought me to online school. I do express to my parents that I want to go back to my old school, but it would be hard to make that possible because I don't live near my old school anymore. I feel terribly lonely that all my friends are now only friends that I talk to online. I am happy when they share about fun things that happen at school, but at the same time, it makes me feel lonelier because I am at home alone. My family is home too, but we aren't an emotionally close family. I have never cried about my feelings to them, or even told them about my deepest thoughts. Lately, I feel even more detached from them. But I don't blame them either.
I think I just needed to get my feelings out... so here I am, telling about my story to complete strangers. But sometimes, I find a comfort in that. I'm not sure if I'll come back to this forum, but I would like to thank everyone who read and understood this. Thank you for your time
