That guilty feeling

[lilgost]

Hello. I am new here and I have been sinking back into a deep depression. Nothing that used to work is currently working for me, and I am feeling more and more guilty about feeling this way. I don't know if that even makes any sense to anyone. A little background on me...

I am a single mother of three, divorced 8 years now. I have a lot to be thankful for and proud of. I have raised my kids on my own, with a little help from my former in-laws. I put myself through nursing school and even went back and got my BSN all while working full time. One of my kids is currently in college, and my next one will be off to college in December with scholarships. My kids are good, respectful, caring kids who think of others first. I currently work in an ER, which is one of the jobs of my dreams, the other being a NICU nurse(that dream is a long way off, still have a lot to learn about pediatrics).

My problem is, I feel guilty when I have to go to work. I feel like I should be home with my kids instead. When I have to tell my kids they have to wait until we have the money for this or that I feel guilty for not being able to provide them with luxuries(even though I know they don't really need what they are asking for). I feel guilty when my house isn't spotless, or there are sirty dishes in the sink because I am too tired to get up and clean. I don't know, maybe what I am feeling is dumb. Has anyone else ever had any of these feelings? I feel like I should have better control of my feelings being in the medical field.

[Ieris]

Hello lilgost,

Believe it or not you are doing a great job, having raised 3 good kids all on your own, going through nursing school and working on the side as well... Wow! I think you are setting a good example for your kids, being self sufficient and still going for your dream despite your circumstances. I don't think you should feel guilty for going to work, you are providing for your family, you are installing work ethics into your kids, you are working towards your dream of becoming a NICU nurse. Frankly you are hitting many birds with one stone. Your kids are growing up, they will have their own dreams so give them time to grow and stand on their own feet while you work on your dreams as well.

Regarding not having money to buy your kids things, may I make a suggestion that you make them earn that money themselves, either start with some part time work or help with the house work. As you are working, you should leave your kids to do all the chores, if they have time for video games then they have time to help you out. My parents gave me pocket money for the amount of house work I did, nothing comes for free. I started off with doing the dishes, then hoovering, then laundry. That way I got to earn some money and buy the things I want, help my mother out giving her more free time for other things but also by learning how to do all these things at a young age it made my life easier when I moved out for university. My fellow flat mates didn't even know how to fry an egg or work an oven so I was glad that I knew how to take care of things as I learnt them all at home.

My dad always told us to get a part time job not because we needed money but to get out there and not be afraid to start at the bottom, the point was to learn how to deal with customers and learn how things work in the real world, things that you don't learn in school. It was a good way to learn how to earn your own money and also how to save and spend wisely as well.

I think you are a great mother and at some point you need to loosen your grip and let them learn to take care of themselves yet not feel guilty about it. Strike a balance for giving your kids the attention they need but also doing the things you want to do too

x