Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

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justnobody
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Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2019 12:16 pm

Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

Postby justnobody » Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:50 am

I have a toddler. She's the best but at the same time the worst. She's friendly and energetic, but also extremely clingy and stubborn. That makes her a handful. I've "paused" therapy for a year and a half as of now because DD will literally cry until her face turns purple if I am out of sight and don't return once she starts crying. I've tried. For a couple of times I've tried leaving her with our sitter and went to the grocery store. 30 minutes later sitter called and I could hear DD screaming in the background. When I got home she was sobbing and gasping, her face bright purple. I can't take her with me to therapy because therapist doesn't allow me to take her into the office, and it's probably not a good idea letting her see me cry over my problems anyway.

For now I get by using "herbal supplements" that I know are just placebos. I can feel my mental health going down. I can feel my anxiety elevating and suicidal thoughts resurfacing. When anxiety strikes, I lose the ability to stay calm and maintain the eye contact DD needs so much, and I feel bad. I tried reaching out for help at a local parents support forum, kid you not, people there judged me for having kids while being depressed. I got DMs calling me names, accusing me of ruining an innocent child, etc etc. A few specifically told me to divorce or even kill myself so DH could find a new wife who's not a psycho. It was horrible. I deleted my account after three days.

DH works ungodly long hours so there's only this much he can do. While our sitter is amazing, I still feel overwhelmed by parenting. Any parents here willing to share your experiences? TIA

Chinadoll13
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2019 9:39 pm

Re: Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

Postby Chinadoll13 » Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:38 pm

Oh my goodness, my heart breaks for you. I've been diagnosed with depression for years and went through it when I had my kids. I can definitely feel your frustration! I am so sorry that you had such an awful experience at the other forum! That is so horrible!
Have you talked to your doctor about the depression? Is there any medication that they can prescribe? It is challenging to raise kids when you have depression, but it is absolutely manageable. Do you have a support system around you? For me, it really helped to have family and friends who could step in when I needed a little time to myself. I do believe that you have to take care of yourself first in order to be a good mom and wife to your family. If you are empty, how can you give your family anything? Your mental and emotional health is very important. Try to take a little time each day for you. Put the baby down for a nap. Let her watch a favorite show on TV. It's ok to take care of yourself. In addition, I think that your husband needs to be part of your support team. Unless it was agreed before the baby, both of you should be raising the child - not just you. I can understand that your husband works late and hard, but that doesn't mean he can't watch the baby for 15 minutes while you take a shower.
I would also try to find another therapist that could see you with your child. I know that the situation is not ideal, but it would be truly beneficial for you to talk with someone professionally. Besides, there's nothing wrong with allowing your daughter to see you cry. If anything, it shows her that her mommy is human and capable of feeling sad sometimes.
Lastly, your daughter is probably at the stage of separation anxiety. Both my children went through that too and although it is frustrating, she will grow out of it. Perhaps you could have the sitter come by while you are at home and let your daughter get used to her. The sitter could distract her with play while you got some things done. Stay in her line of sight but gradually disappear from the room until your daughter is used to you not being there.
I hope this helps some and gives you some encouragement that you are not alone! Please speak with your doctor though about your feelings of depression. I hope that things improve for you soon. Take care of yourself and your family.


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