what has become of me?

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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amygoodwin_20
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:30 pm

what has become of me?

Postby amygoodwin_20 » Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:45 pm

hi i am new here
and also new to the depression world. i didnt knew i was depressed the thing is i didnt knew what has happened to me
i was married two months back arranged by my parents quickly fell in love with my fiance and everything was ok at first ofcourse when you are blinded by "love" you are blinded. i couldnt the see the red signs which were all over the place cut to two months my in laws and my husband threw me out of the house.
yep they did.
i didnt knew what has happened. i was so blinded by the concept of love i forget there was never really love anywhere
i called him again and again he never picked up
i msged him soooo many times he never replied
i was in the worst place still am
latest i heard they are thinking of divorce
i sleep all day i cry all night and nothing else
why this has happened to me?
what have i become?

does god looks down at me and think this is enough?
does he care that i am in pain?
why people dont know mercy?
why has the world forgotten the meaning of love?

when i look at myself in the mirror i fell emptyness and sadness

when will this end?

BenV
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:24 pm

Re: what has become of me?

Postby BenV » Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:35 pm

You need to find your own way in life. Your parents, your in laws, your husband all tried to make you into what they wanted you to be rather than seeing the person you are. They wanted to make you an extension of their lives but it ended up removing you from yourself.

backtonormal
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:47 pm

Re: what has become of me?

Postby backtonormal » Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:53 pm

I'm so sorry you found yourself here. You asked if God sees you or hears you. He does! That is your comfort. I'm not understanding your marriage or how that happened/arranged. You said your husband does not answer his phone or texts from you. Have you gone to the house? Is it a cultural thing that you were married and living with your in-laws? Is there a possibility that you can show up and speak with your husband about getting your own living arrangements? If at the end of the day you can honestly say that you did all you could to make the situation better but it isn't then you need to walk away. Know that you can keep placing one step in front of the other to get yourself into a better situation with God's help. I would also suggest seeing a therapist who would be able to much better help you navigate this time of your life then we could here. But we are here for you for support and encouragement! Wishing you the best and I'll keep you in prayer.

amygoodwin_20
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:30 pm

Re: what has become of me?

Postby amygoodwin_20 » Fri Feb 15, 2019 1:36 pm

thanks BenV,
Yes you are right, i do think i did all those things to impress people,
to make people like me, so that there shouldnt be any complaints regards of me,
that maybe this is one of the reason i am in such a space,
i do think i should get out of my depression but you know, its not that simple,
i need to find my own way in life.
but its so damn hard to get up and move on,
i am tired BenV, i am so tired mentally.
maybe i should go back to my studies i love studying i really do.
but right now i just cant open any books.
thanks so much for understanding

amygoodwin_20
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:30 pm

Re: what has become of me?

Postby amygoodwin_20 » Fri Feb 15, 2019 1:46 pm

thanks backtonormal,
i do hope he listens,
he is the only one i have put my faiths in,
i cry to him i tell him my woe's,
i ask him for strenght to get up
i ask him forgiveness
but getting up every morning is just so hard
i cant just drop everything and move on i am so sensitive that way
does the problem we face last forever??
i hope it doesnt, i pray this time passes and passes soon.
i sleep all day cry all night
i cant do anything.
hepless that what have become of me.
thanks do keep me in yours prayers.


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