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Introductions and welcomes.

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drham3rd
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2019 2:53 pm

New member here

Postby drham3rd » Tue Feb 12, 2019 3:00 pm

I am a 62-year-old college professor. I am married. I am having serious issues with my wife over finances and over her feelings toward her own daughter (I am the step, Dad). Also, we have a young couple living with us. The man is recently released from prison and his wife is pregnant. My wife promised this man's grandmother to watch over him once he left prison on the grandmother's death bed so to speak. I was initially okay with this but as the months have dragged on and this man has gotten into more trouble, my wife seems to be totally focused on him. This is causing a great rift between us and I am totally depressed about this! I know it sounds complicated and it is, thus I am not sure how to handle this.

BenV
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:24 pm

Re: New member here

Postby BenV » Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:50 pm

I'll address the couple living with you first.
Sounds like your wife hasn't adjusted to life after the kids have become adults. Wants to continue to have someone to fuss over and she is using this couple as a means to do it. Maybe some people just feel they need to do more after they have already done what they were supposed to do (raise their own kids). She needs to set down a time limit and stick with it for when the looking after ends.

I get the impression that looking after this couple of part of the finance issue. This couple needs to grow up and act like adults and deal with their own problems. Prison and pregnancy were their own faults, not up to you to stress and strain your marriage and finances over.

You don't say what is going on between your wife and daughter. More control issues perhaps?

Sounds to me like your wife enjoys playing mommy too much. Time for her to let everyone else fly off from the nest and concentrate on the two of you.

I hope the two of you can agree to go to counseling. You clearly are not seeing eye to eye at the moment. And the money issues are only making it worse.

SirOats
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2018 7:53 pm

Re: New member here

Postby SirOats » Fri Feb 15, 2019 10:28 pm

Yeah ben it sounds like it may be ultimatum time with your house guests.
But you'll want to do that as a united front with your wife. Remember it's ok to assert your own feelings, you're entitled to them. Give your wife the chance to look out for them. I recommend marital counseling too, you guys are transitioning to a new phase and a pro would be best to help out with that...God speed.

Jimdubu
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2018 8:23 pm

Re: New member here

Postby Jimdubu » Sun Mar 03, 2019 2:22 am

I am sorry for what you are going through. I noticed that other posters have jumped right away to the "Mothering" theory. However maybe she is struggling with this deathbed promise she made to the grandmother. Maybe she feels her back is against the wall, because the harder she tries to help him, the more trouble he gets into. You two definitely need to get in marriage counseling. She needs to see this obligation is hurting the family. Also you two need to learn how to be just the two of you again. Here is a number for a place that can offer some free counseling advise and refer you to professionals in your area. FOTF Counseling Line 1-855-382-5433. I hope this helps, prayers my friend.


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