New Person who seeks help

Introductions and welcomes.

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FelixG
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:18 pm

New Person who seeks help

Postby FelixG » Mon Jan 07, 2019 5:08 pm

Hi Everyone,
I am new here like I announced in my Subject Line and it took me forever to actually write on here. I joined this site in Nov 2018 and now deciding to reach out. I have suffered from chronic, SEVERE depression since I was a teen girl and it has only gotten worse the older I've become. Mix that in with my bad anxiety issues, OCD, eating disorders...I sound like a super fun person, right? I came here because I desperately need to connect with others who are going through the exact same thing and can help me. I feel so alone. I'm not close to my family and I am pushing my boyfriend away because I am very unhappy 24/7. I can't fake being happy because that's how depressed I feel. I have crying spells, the shakes, very reclusive, I can't talk to anyone...I know I need professional help but the bad thing is that currently I have no health insurance or a job. I lost my job right before Christmas. I am constantly stressed and I have the most wicked thoughts. If anyone can relate and make me feel like I am not the only person on this planet who is not so messed up in the head! That would be great...If anyone reads this I appreciate it.

Ginschaos
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:26 am

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby Ginschaos » Tue Jan 08, 2019 1:30 am

You are not alone. I’m spiraling down and can’t tell anyone.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby Suzi » Tue Jan 08, 2019 11:36 am

Felix, I know how you feel and you are not the only person on the planet who is suffering like this. I have struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life also. It has taken me decades but I have learned a lot about the brain and how it works. I still have brief episodes but am usually able to keep myself from sinking into the pits.
Sometimes it takes a complete change, a complete upheaval of your circumstances, who you think you are, why you are suffering, what you think you want, what you think will make you feel better, etc.
I started listening to New Life radio call in program with Steve Arterburn several years ago. You say you can't afford counseling, well you can get it free on the radio. I have never called in, but I listen to the other callers' questions and the advice of the counselors. It has given me so much insight into myself, my family, my anxiety, etc. I have read several books they recommended and they have a website also that has free resources.
I know change and healing is difficult, but if you can do this one thing - find the program and start listening. It will change your life.
One of my favorite resources offered by them is the book Take Your Life Back by Dr. David Stoop.

FelixG
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:18 pm

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby FelixG » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:45 pm

Thank you, for that information. I will definitely look into all of it!
I am on a anti depressant but it hasn't worked in almost two years, but my Dr refuses to take me off of it. Honestly, I hate taking pills but this is how desperate I am to try to feel better.
I have felt so messed up since I was a little girl. Genetics? Because both my parents suffer from depression as well, yet my sister dodged it somehow. Lucky her. I just want to be able to wake up one day and genuinely feel happy. Now, I can't remember the last time I have felt happy..
And that scares and saddens me even more.

littlestarsmum
Posts: 79
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 11:36 pm

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby littlestarsmum » Tue Jan 08, 2019 10:44 pm

Welcome to this forum, girl. Nice to meet you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and frustrating it must be for you. I appreciate your willingness to share openly with us. Depression is a very complex issue that deserves personal and in-depth attention. You mentioned that you can’t afford professional help. I know that Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor if you call this number 855-382-5433. I’d also suggest that you look for things to do to keep your mind off of your negative feelings. Maybe you could pursue an activity, sport, or hobby that you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Physical exercise has the added benefit of helping to relieve negative emotions naturally. Remember that you deserve to feel better and you’re not alone. You can always come here to share, and we’re here to support you. Take good care of yourself and stay strong. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

niclear0093
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2018 3:12 pm

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby niclear0093 » Wed Jan 09, 2019 3:13 pm

So glad you posted on here because you are definitely not alone. For the past few years I have had some really dark times with my anxiety/depression. I feel like I have tried all I can and while I am getting better and healing slowly, it is still with me. I know how stressful it can be to not have insurance but need counseling help! I have also heard that if you call the Focus on the Family number someone else posted, that you can talk with a licensed counselor. That could be a good start for you! have you also tried maybe walking outside more? Or hanging out with friends more? I know it can be hard as we get older and everyone has their own life/schedule. I am praying for you and hope you start to feel better and are able to get help you need!

FelixG
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:18 pm

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby FelixG » Wed Jan 09, 2019 3:53 pm

Thank you, Everyone for all the advice! I will try my best to do all those suggestions and the PRAYERS ARE WELCOMED MY WAY!
I feel like I need a miracle.

Suzi
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:33 am

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby Suzi » Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:26 am

FelixG, i see you also struggle with eating disorders. I have also struggled since I was a teenager, but I heard recently that most anxiety starts in the gut. I did some research online and started taking probiotics, eating yogurt, avoiding caffeine and sugary foods and drinks, eating small meals throughout the day which include lean proteins and fresh fruits and vegetables. Also, when I stressed and feel the least like eating, I force myself to eat, because I have realized that when my stomach is empty I become very anxious.

FelixG
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:18 pm

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby FelixG » Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:40 pm

Suzi,

Like you, I have also struggled with Ana and Mia since I was a teenager and it's only gotten worse the older I've become. I have had my fair share of hospital stays, institutions, in patient, out patient, halfway housing, ambulances, emergency rooms, gurneys,....You name it and I have done it all. I have developed PTSD in several areas and these are a HUGE ONE FOR ME. I go through stages with my EDs that even though it's always in the back of my head and some years, months etc I "look" healthy or whatever people want to call it. It does not mean I am okay on the inside because I fight a constant battle with my Demons hating myself. Other times(like presently) I am underweight and people are getting very concerned. Last two years, was two of the roughest years of my life and I felt and still do feel so out of control that my EDs are the only thing I can control. I don't see a "thin, gaunt, starving looking woman." I see someone who looks like the light has gone out in her eyes and she no longer wishes to fight anything anymore...I have a small part left in my brain that is still logically telling me I need to recover because I am literally going to die, but I am overpowered by my Demons that wish to kill me. I can't seem to fight it. Eating for me right now is way to frightening even if I wish to eat I will start crying because I know I need help. Even if it's something small and healthy as you mentioned. Yogurt or fruit...I can't make myself do it.
Someone else posted out on here about Focus on the Family and I called and I am trying to have high hopes...Whoever the person was who gave me the information, I am very grateful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Suzi, thank you for talking to me. Truth be told, I figured I would be overlooked because I am NEW and because maybe my life story isn't tragic enough. I could say some tragic things..but why bother burden anyone with anymore of my sad life? You have been so kind to me.
Thank you. XO.

FelixG
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2018 10:18 pm

Re: New Person who seeks help

Postby FelixG » Thu Jan 10, 2019 11:43 pm

littlestarsmum wrote:Welcome to this forum, girl. Nice to meet you.
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult and frustrating it must be for you. I appreciate your willingness to share openly with us. Depression is a very complex issue that deserves personal and in-depth attention. You mentioned that you can’t afford professional help. I know that Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor if you call this number 855-382-5433. I’d also suggest that you look for things to do to keep your mind off of your negative feelings. Maybe you could pursue an activity, sport, or hobby that you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Physical exercise has the added benefit of helping to relieve negative emotions naturally. Remember that you deserve to feel better and you’re not alone. You can always come here to share, and we’re here to support you. Take good care of yourself and stay strong. Sending hugs & prayers your way!



THANK YOU, SO MUCH FOR ALL THE INFORMATION YOU GAVE ME! I called Focus on the Family the day I read your post.
From the bottom of my heart. XOXO


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