My current situation

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justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:14 am

Hey, I'm new here. I feel like I need to share my feelings with someone here, since I can't share it with people IRL.
So basically I have social anxiety, I feel bad whenever I go to school or just go outside. Recently I've even felt emberassed and anxious
when I had to get up from my seat in school. I always feel like everyone is watching me, judging me. When I walk my dog outside and
some people my age come my way, I turn around or go another route than ususal. I just can't walk past them, I'm too afraid that I'll have to look at them, say 'hi' to them etc. I've also become slightly paranoid or I don't even know what to call it. When I hear my parents talk from a distance I just imagine that they are talking about me, judging me and I always feel so bad eventhough I know that they are probably not talking about me. Sometimes I even think I'm hearing them talking about me, but when I go closer I realize that they are having a conversation about a completely different topic. I have a hard time falling asleep, my mind is always racing. I don't know what to do. I can't go to therapy because I don't have time for it.

I found a therapist online near my city but I was too afraid of calling her. I've been meaning to call her for weeks but I just could'nt bring my self to it. I couldn't send her a text message because the phone number is for a landline not a cellphone. I found out that she works at a center of some sort which does have an email adress. I managed to write an email to them and I wrote down how I felt (which I kind of regret, I'm scared what if they'll laugh at me?). That was 3 days ago. Still no response.
What should I do???

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StranglySo
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:17 pm
Location: UK

Re: My current situation

Postby StranglySo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 2:59 pm

It’s a good step to come some where like this and talk. Do your parents know how you feel ? I felt similar as a teenager but couldn’t tell my parents. They wanted everything to be perfect to people looking in. When you say you don’t have time for therapy ? Is that because if school or is it because you’d have to tell your parents and explain the time? You do need to talk to talk to someone . School is an awkward time.. your still finding yourself and lots of pressures.
I’m an overly emotional, unemotional clingy but distant person. I’m still trying to work me out. I’ve learned no one is truly your friend until they’ve seen every dark shadow .. and stayed.

justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

Re: My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:05 pm

I've talked with them about my eating disorder that I used to suffer from (well still kinda, i guess it never goes away), but they acted like I was crazy or something. I don't think I'll talk to them about these things... I just don't want our relationship to change, so I keep everything to myself.

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StranglySo
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:17 pm
Location: UK

Re: My current situation

Postby StranglySo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:15 pm

I had anorexia when I was a teenager at home. In the end my mother took me to doctor but didn’t take it well that I was anorexic, they didn’t want any blame I think that was it. Your right if never really goes away. I understand why you wouldn’t talk to your parents , i couldn’t either. At least you can talk here. I’m guessing you are of an age where really you couldn’t go to therapy without them knowing ? But you can’t keep everything inside inside j know that, there is less stigma now.
I’m an overly emotional, unemotional clingy but distant person. I’m still trying to work me out. I’ve learned no one is truly your friend until they’ve seen every dark shadow .. and stayed.

justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

Re: My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:21 pm

I just turned 18 so that's why I finally decided that I want to get some kind of treatment and get myself together. But I do still live with my parents so I don't know if i can keep it a secret.

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StranglySo
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:17 pm
Location: UK

Re: My current situation

Postby StranglySo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:44 pm

Why don’t you try phoning the therapist again ? There isn’t anything to be scared of, they will have heard everything they won’t judge. But they will probably say to see them. Here in uk you can get referred by GP in NHS, if your in America uour have to pay , I guess that’s another issue.
You found similar to me as a teenager. J think the anorexia was about being in control of something myself as I didn’t feel in control of anything else.
I’m an overly emotional, unemotional clingy but distant person. I’m still trying to work me out. I’ve learned no one is truly your friend until they’ve seen every dark shadow .. and stayed.

justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

Re: My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 3:59 pm

I will try to contact them again. Sadly I'm way too scared to call them, I can't really talk on the phone that well.. or in real life. And it took me months to get enough courage to even send them an email but i guess little steps matter.
I also thought about going to some kind of a doctor, I don't trust my GP since I've heard some pretty bad things about him and also he is friends with my mom's best friend - so I think he would tell everything to my parents about me.
Maybe I'm just way too paranoid. I don't know.

For me anorexia was also about being in control. I still feel the urge to just run right back to old bad habits. That was the one thing I did right..

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StranglySo
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:17 pm
Location: UK

Re: My current situation

Postby StranglySo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:13 pm

Totally get the anorexia thing, but it wasn’t the right thing for either of us to do, it’s always lurking . I’m thinking you must have had treatment to “ get over” it, didn’t they ask what was behind it.
You are making small steps you know. You joined here and your talking to me. I bet you thought you’d never do that. :)
Yet another e mail to therapist then. You’ve come this far. The main thing is you now you need help and you’ve started asking for it.. many don’t acknowledge a problem. It takes guts , and many don’t ask for help , which also takes guts.
I’m an overly emotional, unemotional clingy but distant person. I’m still trying to work me out. I’ve learned no one is truly your friend until they’ve seen every dark shadow .. and stayed.

justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

Re: My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 4:38 pm

It feels really nice that I can talk to you.
I actually didn't get treatment for my anorexia. My friend helped me a lot. I she always gave me that "push" whenever I wanted to give up. I still do somethings that are disordered but now I'm at a healthy weight and I actually eat normally (most of the time). Couldn't let go of some "food rules" though.
My parents didn't want me to get treatment back then.. My mom always thought that she can help me on her own, she didn't do much. She helped for like a few days and then thought everything was all right and then was suprised when things went south again. But I wasn't ever expecting her to understand anyways so it's okay.
And now that I'm old enough and I could get treatment for it on my own, I feel like I don't need it anymore. At least at the moment.

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StranglySo
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:17 pm
Location: UK

Re: My current situation

Postby StranglySo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:30 pm

You don’t sound like you need treatment for anorexia tendencies anymore.. because you talk about healthy and normal in relation to goid :) you mum sounds like mine was.. didn’t want the outside to know there was something wrong . But main thing is you got through it. You must be strong in some ways as that’s difficult to do without professional help if it gets hold. Don’t think I could have done that.
Your friend sounds like a very good one , is she no longer around to help ? You just need support to get you through this I’m guessing you may have exams coming up , a lot of pressure. Sometimes just someone to talk to can help a lot.
I’m an overly emotional, unemotional clingy but distant person. I’m still trying to work me out. I’ve learned no one is truly your friend until they’ve seen every dark shadow .. and stayed.

justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

Re: My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:36 pm

She is not around sadly. She got mad at me and hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks.
We were always able to talk about our feelings with eachother because we related on so many things.
I hope we'll be friends again.

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StranglySo
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:17 pm
Location: UK

Re: My current situation

Postby StranglySo » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:42 pm

I hope so too. You could do with a really good friend right now.
Well I’m going to try to sleep ( probably fail ) but I’ve added you as a friend on here. I’m still working out how the place works, but think as I’ve added you , yoh can on me any time :)
I’m an overly emotional, unemotional clingy but distant person. I’m still trying to work me out. I’ve learned no one is truly your friend until they’ve seen every dark shadow .. and stayed.

justsomeone
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2019 9:00 am

Re: My current situation

Postby justsomeone » Sat Jan 05, 2019 5:45 pm

I'm going to try to sleep too.
I also still need to learn how the site works :D
Good night!


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