My Dad

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2018 1:23 pm

My Dad

Postby Ms.Sheep » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:40 pm

Before you read the rest, I want you to know that I no longer see or speak to my dad, I'm fine. I just am hoping for a second opinion.

For the longest time, my dad and I never got along. He would always favor my older brother by almost never yelling at him or punishing him. He would always get really angry at me as well. I remember a time when I was 5, not too long after my parents split, and it was dinner time. I ate everything on the plate except for a slice of tomato. He knew I didnt like it, but continued to yell at me until I cried. Looking back, it seemed like he just wanted an excuse to yell at me, because he got so angry over something so stupid. He also used to do this thing where he'd grab my face, get his face close to mine just to yell at me and intimidate me. I can't really remember too many incidenter, I don't know if it's because I was young or I just blocked it out. But I do know that my dad did like things a certain way and if you didnt do it exactly how he wanted it, he would explode. I remember in preschool, before my parents split, I was able to make friends just fine. However, after they split, I had a hard time making friends in elementary school and even to this day. I'm just curious if there is some correlation there. In the 8th grade I was diagnosed with depression. I'm doing better now and am on medication. Although when I told my therapist about some of this stuff, she said that he might've been verbally or emotionally abusive. To be honest, I just want some sort of closure. I want to know what really happened and why I have depression. Did my dad have anything to do with it? Would he be considered abusive? I haven't talked to my dad after an incident about 5 months ago. Although, I again would like to make it clear that my dad wasnt physically abusive. The worst he did was again, grabbing my face. I also dont see my dad anymore so you dont have to worry about anything like that. Thanks.

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Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2018 8:24 pm

Re: My Dad

Postby BenV » Sun Dec 09, 2018 12:09 am

My dad was an alcoholic. He wasn't so bad when I was real little but by the time I was a teenager many evenings entailed him being drunk and having loud arguments with my mom. Mom finally got a divorce which was a difficult thing for her to do since she was a devote Catholic and that was something you just didn't do. But she did it for us kids. Impossible to study and do homework with yelling and shouting and cussing going on. I guess I was about 13 or 14 when they got divorced. After that dad did try to get better but I rarely had any contact with him. Finally when I was 17 we both tried to reach out a little to each other. Just testing the waters, trying to find if there was anything left of father and son. He died in his sleep right after that. I had a really difficult time. Wondering if it would have been possible to mend things between us and knowing I would never have that answer.

You have to do what you feel is right for you. I'm glad I tried with my dad. But he also wasn't directly abusive to me.

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Joined: Mon Dec 10, 2018 12:14 pm

Re: My Dad

Postby cbgrace1980 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 5:22 pm

I think that if a person is yelling at you to intimidate you, that is unwelcome behavior and is abusive. I grew up in a home with a very volatile father. He would yell and scream constantly especially at night. Every word was a bad word. He would berate my mother even for the good things she'd done. I definitely think it could be tied to your depression.
I never thought about depression when I was growing up but by the time I finished college and got married, had a baby, I realized that I was suffering from post partum depression. I began talking to my doctor and talking to a counselor. For the first time I felt like someone could understand me. I could be open about my past without being judged. That was 13 years ago. I am doing very well now. My father never did change. Because he did not, I could not allow him to be part of my life because he was just such a drag. He never ever treated my mother well. She never left. She didn't know she could.
It's okay not to have negative, painful people in your everyday life. He probably has no idea the damage he has done. Stay strong and do what you need to do to feel safe.

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Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 3:42 pm

Re: My Dad

Postby Ann » Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:08 pm

It is hard to know where depression comes from sometimes. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your father. It you to read more about this condition.

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