Why did our friendship end so badly?

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Katie.97
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:17 am

Why did our friendship end so badly?

Postby Katie.97 » Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:43 am

My best friend of 1 year and I moved away for college together.
We were both unhappy with our current lives, hardly any support from our families and she wanted to go away and start a new life with me. Her situation was tougher than mine so I offered to support her until she was stable. I gathered money from my old jobs and helped her with the flight ticket, our dorm,food,leisure etc. But when we arrived everything went down.We would fight as she was ungrateful and demanding, I had an alcohol addiction, and I was recovering from childhood trauma. Sometimes she’d slap me or bite me really hard which drew flashbacks on me.

One night i was really drunk and kissed her neck, she didn't pull away. I got aggressive, laid a hand on her and broke the door. Later she tried to fill my head with false memories that I wanted to kiss her and take her shirt off. The arguments continued and I couldn't cope with all the problems I was facing. I overdosed on ecstasy and ended up in the hospital. She broke down and stayed there all night and saved me from the cops. After I got released, we started over and she took care of me letting my sleep beside her. Next day she had asked me if I had feelings for her, to which I replied no it's only platonic. Anyway, we got into another fight which resulted in her telling me to go kill myself. I got drunk, and I grabbed her by the neck. We started hitting each other on the street. She began screaming for help. I ended up at the cops again. The uni began a disciplinary hearing against me. And then we decided that she’ll move out and go live with another friend.

We sat down to speak once after the police incident. She said "we tried and it won't work out. I don't want you. I feel nothing for you anymore." When I asked her what I've done to deserve this, she replied "I cared about you. And I was in love with you" after a pause she rushed "as a friend." She wiped my tears,hugged me and said what’s broken can’t be fixed and we had to forget each other as I wasn't the same person she knew. I felt guilty, and I wanted to get her back.

For the next 2 months it was a push and pull game. I'd get drunk, chase her and try to fix it, she'd push me away. When we're alone she'd say she needs space if we were to fix it and it's hard for her to move on as she's addicted to me, but then when she sees me with boys she'd flip out and start a fight out of nowhere.
As soon as she sees me moving on, she stops me. For example; when I accepted it was over I gave her a teddy to say goodbye. She ended up going out with me and another friend that night. She got sick at the end, and asked me to stay with her, then cuddled me till she slept. We had another major fight after that. I found out that She's been going around and talking badly behind my back to boys especially, saying I was a psychopath, gay and obsessed with her. She also spilled my deepest secrets that I had trusted her with and twisted them.

She had told her long distance “boyfriend” about what was going on. (He didn't do anything about it though) She tried to extract information from the man (my ex best friend) who had sexually abused me (even though she hated him). She called me vulgar names and accused me of wanting it.
Flashback--
From the beginning when she met me, she told me "I think I've a crush on you. Is it weird?" She had a boyfriend at the time so I laughed it off and assumed she's joking.
Then we started hanging out with mutual friends and got close. We'd play fight, hold hands with interlocked fingers, call each other pet names, cuddle etc. She'd say I was her whole world and that She couldn't live without me. she used to ask me to come over to her house when her parents slept and we'd smoke hookah and cuddle on her bed. We used to cuddle often either in bed or in the car. One day she acted weird and said she loved me then leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose. Then she asked where's my kiss? I kissed her cheek and left. When we were apart, she used to call me every night when I finished work. We would talk for hours everyday. And sometimes,she also used to send me revealing and seductive videos of herself lip-syncing. Then one day she had the nerve to tell me she had a dream where we made out after a fight and "maybe it would be a reality when we lived together."

Back to present--
I ignored all of those weird moments. I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to leave for the semester. The day I traveled, we met up coincidentally, and we spoke. She said I ruined everything between us and that we were over. I held her hand and hugged her for the last time and left. However, when I was at the airport, she kept calling me. She told me “I’m going back to my ex. Even though he cheated on me, at least he didn’t lay a hand on me. You loved yourself more, and because of you I hate everyone.” Then she continued to call me at random times to insult and swear at me. The last conversation we had was her telling me we were toxic for each other. I haven’t heard from her for a while and I found out that she lied about her ex and they never got back together as he didn't want her.

I know I’m wrong as well and I have issues, and I’m already getting help for them. I want to move on and I'd like to get some clarity from her POV.

Was she using me? Is she mentally ill? Did she get scared from me?What could be the possible reason

Beenthere1001
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:42 am

Re: Why did our friendship end so badly?

Postby Beenthere1001 » Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:36 am

Why did our friendship end so badly?

From your story, that was not a friendship only. It was mixed with "love"/lust.

My life experience taught me that when two people are too close to each other, help each other too much and confide to each other about many deepest "secrets", sooner or later one or both will turn around and stab each other badly. Sometimes, both feel hurt or just one and the other feels victorious because the latter one is a bully.

Now I learn to just stay arm-length with everyone at work and at home also, so I won't get hurt or I won't hurt anyone. I draw boundaries. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, and don't want anyone to step on mine. I want to be nice and professional, and I don't want to be used and feel hurt.

Your story sounds like a puppy love story. Mostly everyone has that kind of love story when s/he is young. But time goes by, people grow older, they become wiser and more realistic and move on. And if they look back, they will see that was stupid and dramatic.

In life, there are some guys and gals can really play dramas, be bullies, users and turn around and blame others. Be careful and watch out.


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