Need some advice

[Squiblles]

I have suspected that I may be dealing with some mental disorder for a few years now. I have my ups and downs, but I recently had a really bad episode of depression that lasted a few weeks. this has happened before, but I've never gotten so depressed, and I couldn't stop the voices telling me that "I'm worthless/might as well kill yourself/take someone with you/etc". Then it was like a fever broke, and I was fine again. back to my amazing cheery self. Here's the problem... I am in the military and am deployed right now. I want to get help and make sure that I don't actually hurt myself or others. however, a mental disorder diagnosis will get me kicked out of the military. I'm approaching my 10 year mark and am halfway to retirement. any thoughts on what I should do?

[porcupine]

Is there a way you could get help confidentially? It sounds like bipolar, but I don't know for sure. I think the highs that come with this condition are a defence in the mind to stop people killing themselves. I think it's a survival thing.

It is difficult having a mental illness, because of the stigma. I can't talk about my anxiety and depression in the outside world because of discrimination.

[Iceduya]

brother i have been where you are. it is very .... lonely. and there is much stigma against getting a mental health diagnosis trust me i know. BUT there are confidential ways to get one as long as you go outside the service or you can talk to a Chaplin. even if your not religious i wont promise youll stay in but often getting the help is more important