Help!

[dy1ng1ns1de]

Hopelessness and helplessness are beyond the brim. Am a noob here. Hoping the forum could somehow help me survive each day as I battle depression.

[windsong]

Hi welcome to the forum. What has you feeling so helpless and hopeless?

[dy1ng1ns1de]

Thanks. I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Battling with it for 20 years now. I am taking meds regularly and seeing my psychiatrist, yet still, there's this indescribable pain inside that cuts deep down the soul. So hurting that I just want to make it go away by contemplating suicidal ideations. Worse, I am a bum and just stay home all day, provoking that feeling in me that I am a big burden to the family. Nevertheless, they have been supportive. I feel so broken and living a life without purpose.

[10moreseconds]

I feel the exact same way! I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for awhile now. I was on medication and seeing a counselor for about a year before I couldn't afford to anymore. Now I'm kind of just winging it... which probably definitely isn't a good thing. But I know what you mean about feeling like I'm a burden to everyone around me. I feel bad that they worry about me or feel sad for me. I feel lost and sad and alone. Most days I'm just focusing on trying to make it through the day. Just counting the minutes... Is it terrible that I'm excited I can relate to you? I haven't had that. Someone that feels like I do. I hope that didn't sound as morbid as I think it did.

[dy1ng1ns1de]

@10moreseconds:

Thanks for your response. Right, it feels "better" that we have someone we can relate to, not that we are sadistic that way. Hehe. Feel free to vent out just to unload that heavy feeling.

Just came home from therapy. My anti-anxiety meds are increased while one med is removed because it gives me robotic side effects. Others are maintained on the same dose. Glad to say today is a so-so day. Not a low day at least ,or a day filled with suicidal thoughts. My dilemma when it comes to dealing with depression concerns with language barrier. I am in Japan so I got few options as far as "talking it out" is concerned. I had to do lengthy search just to look for an English speaking psychiatrist.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my sleep. Because you see, in my dreams, I am happy. No tears.

[bweber19]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear about your emptiness. I found that sticking to routines helped me out tremendously. Helped me to stay active with exercise , continued learning etc. There are also several groups available to help you to feel a part of something, this has also been helpful for me. My emptiness subsided when I became active. Please continue seeking help, you can beat this. You deserve to live a good life.