Loneliness and hopelessness are eating away at me

[lonelygirl]

Hi everyone. I'm very new to this forum but it's already so lovely from all the posts I've been reading. I feel connected to all of you and feel a little less lonely being here. I feel severely depressed. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I was arrested in 2013 for a friends marijuana for possession and since then I have spiraled into emotional decay and hopelessness. I am trying to go to graduate school, but am afraid that this charge (it is a summary offense charge, less than a misdemeanor) will prevent me from ever obtaining my goals. It has been the most difficult thing to cope with and I feel I have nothing left to live for.

Besides this, I have gone through a string of men who have treated me so horribly. I feel so exceptionally broken now. I have had men lie to me, cheat on me, call me a slut after sleeping with them.. And I have not been with many guys. I keep hoping I will meet someone who will bring something positive, but every man that I give a chance to chooses another girl over me or treats me so poorly. I feel very broken, and hopeless. I am lonely all the time, and all I want is to start my graduate education and leave my town but that seems to be out of my reach.

[Ieris]

Hello Lonelygirl,

Thank you for sharing your story.

I think everyone makes mistakes in life, that's how we learn, that's how we grow. I don't think what you did is so bad, you need to learn to let it go. The more you focus on it, the more it will hold you back. Why not focus on something you can do rather than something you can't change? If you want to go to grad school so much, think about how you can win them over. Show them your enthusiasm, show them why they should give you a chance. If you want it enough, nothing will hold you back and certainly not something from 2013.

All those men that treat you badly, what they have in common... Is you. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated badly and sometimes it just makes you want to give up on men altogether. Perhaps there is something you are doing that makes them think they can behave this way. Are you a passive person? Do you forgive them easily and keep giving them second chances? Usually guys refer to those girls as "doormats" (my friends tell me), they will walk all over you because they know they can.

I was a passive type when growing up, now become the assertive type which has made my life a lot easier. You will come to a point when you realise you need to stick up for yourself and put a stop to any BS. If they call you a slut, what does that make them? The lying and cheating, I think lots of people goes through this regardless of what personality type you have, just know not to put up with it. Don't feel deflated, just see it as weeding out the wheat from the chaff. You will find the right person, don't stop searching x

[Doogie]

Hi Lonleygirl,

Don't let a mishap stop you from achieving your goals; it shouldn't be a show stopper. It shouldn't prevent you from going to grad school. I'm not sure how the laws work where you are, but you should be able to request a pardon after 5 years and have it removed from your record and it will be like it never happened. A minor obstacle, but not a show stopper.

Sorry to hear how badly you were treated. They are not men, just childish cowardly boys. No real man would treat a woman that way and only the ones that are insecure with themselves would label a woman a s**t. What they think, and their opinions do no matter; as they do not define who you are.

Start with ensuring that you get the respect you deserve, if you don't get it then move on as they are not the one for you. I'm not 100% certain of your situation, but sometimes people will (unconsciously) take up with the same type of partner because it's what's familiar to them. I'm not saying that's what happening in your case, but if your choosing a type of man based on what you feel comfortable with, may not be the type of man you should be with. Just food for thought...not saying that this is the case.

Don't lower your standards or feel that you are destined for a certain life based on maybe some bad choices or from how you were treated by individuals who themselves are not worth the time of day.

You seem like a really down to earth and kind person, and you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Ensure that you get the respect you deserve and that the man has to earn it, and you will find the person for you. If he's not willing to do at least that then he's only in it for himself.

[lonelygirl]

Ieris and Doogie,

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I am so grateful knowing I have people here who understand, and can offer the beautiful support and encouragement you two have given me. I take this all to heart, and feel a little less lonely being a part of this network.

I have become very assertive recently, after dealing with enough bad guys. I was always a nice girl, and still am, but so many of these guys took advantage of my kindness, and I don't wish to let it happen anymore. The second I find out that a guy has another girl or isn't going to be true to me, I leave him. I thought I had found the one, a guy who I genuinely felt for, but he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because he was leaving to Florida, where he now is training to become a pilot. It's been tough, missing him, but I remain strong and do not contact him, as I hope he would contact me if he really wanted me in his life.

I am so thankful to hear both of your words about my charge and my fears of never obtaining my goals. I wish to either become a pharmacist or a lawyer, or even join the Peace Corps, as I want to help people in my life, it brings me joy and happiness. It has been so trying these past couple years, sending out so many applications, taking the necessary graduate school exams, and not knowing if this charge will prevent me from achieving my dreams. It has been very, very trying, and my emotional health has suffered. I am just so thankful for people like you, who can hear me out judgment-free and offer the sound and caring advice you did. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.