Re: My Story

[Arceus]

I'll clarify a few points:

Hello there, I would like to enlighten the reader on my depression story. Let us begin at the beginning: going into my sophomore year of high school was tragic for me, I came to a couple of realizations: I like beastiality and I am quite possibly a pedophile.

I did things that I am not proud of -- no I have never inappropriately touched a child or animal (i.e - mammal); no I have never forced myself on a child or animal; and no, I have never watched or owned child pornography. However, I have watched beastiality and still do occasionally because I cannot rid myself of my desire to watch it. Anything else that I did do are things that I would rather not disclose.

I did not care of the consequences that my actions would have on my mental state and well-being before my sophomore year.

After reading the preluding statements, perhaps you are aghast, but please do not leave yet. There is still much to discuss.

After coming to those realizations, I fell into a spiraling depression. I felt like the world would shun me, or segregate me. I felt that my own family would toss me into a mental institution to remain in oblivion, perhaps for the best. Day after day, I would torment myself because I felt disgusting. I would spend school nights contemplating whether or not I was insane before dosing off. I chose to keep this all a secret from everyone.

I bottled it all up and allowed it to build up. That is, until I had a breakdown. Late one night during a contemplation session of mine, I began to sob uncontrollably. I had no one whom I could trust to take comfort in and so began the downward spiral. I seemed jovial, calm, cool and collected to the outside world; heck, I would at times fool myself. However, I was actually a complete mess internally. I tried not to show it at all.

Then I began to feel comfort in my misery; it was easier for me to embrace my zoophilia and pedophilia than to do anything about it. That's when I started to go down a path of self-destruction. I actively started to seek for illicit content. Thankfully, my conscience and morality saved me. Thus, the path was quite short. Soon enough, I started to search for help online. I found an anonymous forum for help with these kinds of things. I found hope and reassurance. I felt accepted. I felt happy.

After some counseling from others online, I decided to tackle my problems head on. Also, if it were not for that forum, I would never have spoken up about my issues to my older sister and my best friend - which brought us much closer, strengthening our friendship.

And so here I am today, four years later. Why am I here? It is because I am falling back into my depression. My problems are coming back. I occasionally have "bad" thoughts that make me shiver inside. I can't control them. I feel like a lunatic for just typing that previous statement. I need some guidance or someone or something to confide in. I need help.

Now I have a question for the reader:
Is it better to be born pure good, or to be born evil and to fight the evil within ourselves?

[Arceus]

I hope that someone can help... v.v