Negative Self-Talk

[I am Larry]

This is the method by which depression operates. This is the way that depression pounds me. It is relentless and is activated for me by mistakes, even the smallest ones. I have no perspective on what constitutes a large mistake. They all appear gigantic.

Yesterday I forgot to put out the garbage for pick up the night before for early morning pick up. It was just before bed, so I had time to do it. Even though I would put it out on the curb then; I was able to catch it on time and not miss the pick up, still I berated myself. It activated tape of negative self-talk: "I blew it again. I can't even remember to do this simple task. I should be able to do this simple task. Normal people can remember to set the garbage, but I can't. I'm a loser."

These thoughts come from a belief that I can't do anything right. Beliefs are hard to change.

[JonsDragonEyes]

I don't believe your a loser Larry. Not at all. Your just a person who is struggling with this monster called depression.

As far as forgetting things well gosh , that's only human. There is no "normal" when it comes to forgetting to do a certain thing. At one time every human being on the planet " depressed or not " forgets things. It just means your a typical , regular human being ...

Beliefs can be hard to change. But I believe in you. I hope you do too someday.

[tragus]

But sometimes you feel you are the only one who makes mistakes. And that those mistakes are 'world-altering' and nothing will be the same again. That you have destroyed and irrevocably changed things. Sometimes I feel my only value can be determined by how grotesque my failings are.

[JonsDragonEyes]

Hi there Tragus. It's nice to meet you. I can understand that.

I wish I could make it so no one had to feel that way ever again.

[ministry2014]

HI Larry, this is actually my first post here. I just want to let you know, that at one time or another we all forget things. And yes I can relate to the trash thing, funny thing is I forget to put the trash out often.
I know it comes on Mondays and Thursdays, yet I have to think about it to remember......
Last week I had food in the trash and really needed to put it out, guess what? I forgot.... Am I loser? of course not, are you? definitely not. We just get so busy in our lives we have so much on our minds that we tend to forget, not once, not twice, but sometimes more.... Yes Larry it is a common thing. even if I write a note, I forget I wrote it,,,,lol
Did you know that God cares for each and every one of us, which means you are very important, hang in there, think positive.
(Today is Sunday, I hope I put the trash out, this is my reminder)

[NickStokes]

You are not a loser. Do not think that way.

[100footpole]

Self-criticism is like hot pepper ... a little can go a long way, but none just leaves you being boring.

But some words are un-justified ... like loser. People who tell me I am a loser are not helpful. When I tell myself I am being a loser that's my sign to think about what it is I really want. It's more a sign that I need to change my attitude about something I am doing ... I need to find out what I can change to do it right. I know I'm not the smartest ... but I am never a loser.

[charlene]

I think I am more of an obligation to my family especially the one I have always counted on .They tell me I bring my problems on myself and I probably do but dont seem to be able to stop.

But no Larry forgetting stuff is not failure, failure is when you deliberately hurt someone and even then you can repent and do your best to fix it, some of us beat ourselves abt the head and shoulders and think we cant do anything right Yep, I have been there alright! Try and think of the good things you do and have done and not so much of the things we get wrong!

[shantyboat]

I hear you on the rumination. I am far from "cured" but I have been helped by clearly identifying those rumnating voices as liars. There may be a seed of truth, at times, but most of what those tracks say in our head are self defeating lies. So you didn't put out the garbage. What you did do today was reach out to others to help and be helped. Let that roll around in your head a bit, and when the voices come, and I know they will, call them for what they are... liars.
I wish you well. I am still struggling on the same path, though there are days I can see the light again.
Bryan

[CitM]

Negative self talk is the killer of a lot of things, unfortunately, mostly people's better futures. Don't feel alone in this Larry, a lot of people, even good athletes and scientists have these kinds of thoughts.

What i do is decide that it really isn't 'me' that is talking to me, but some bullying classmate, undermining teacher, or jealous or controlling person and decide right then and there, that I'm not listening to them.

Listening to a negative 'tape' somehow from your past is not always helpful, especially if it's hurting you and especially if it's something as trivial as taking out the garbage. You did a good job taking out the garbage. You do a good job taking out the garbage. And frankly, you know that you ofen do. Next time that negative tape shows up? Throw it in the garbage as you are taking it out!

[BeagleMom]

If what I am telling myself is true, then is it negative self talk? Is it bad? Because I AM fat - just ask my dr. I AM ugly - just look in the mirror. I AM lazy - just ask my husband. These are truths, so is it negative self talk or is it acceptance of reality?

[100footpole]

BeagleMom,

We are having lots of discussions about is vs. can be.

You have a great nickname, it speaks volumes about you.

My nickname comes from the story "If you stand on a 100 foot pole, where can you step?"

When I read your post I pictured myself stepping off the pole and then cutting to a scene where I give you a hug. Other people can argue "If you step off that pole, then the LAW of GRAVITY says the next scene is you falling."

I answer, no I got down from the pole the same way I got on it, one thought at a time. Since I believe the story is chinese, then I simply need to change my frame of reference like the Roadrunner in the cartoons. Since this works SOMETIMES for me, than I hope that it will work sometimes for you. I also think that you might discover something that will help other's like us.

Please write back.

[BeagleMom]

100footpole, I had to stop and do an Internet search for the story to understand what you are saying.

Taking risks isn't exactly what I was referring to, although it is certainly related. I have taken risks in my life - I've owned businesses, I've raised children, I've loved and lost and grieved . . .

Now I feel like there is nothing left. No risks remain. I'm almost 60 years old. I'm unnecessary. I have one child left at home but in another 18 or so months, he will be going to college. My children are all good men with an excellent work ethic. They are who I raised them to be. But it is time for them to live their lives now. Mine is over. I have good memories, but no dreams or goals.

However what I was referring to in my initial post was not exactly risk taking. It was more a question of knowing a truth and reacting to it. I believe I am fat, ugly, uneducated, etc., so therefore I am. Is that negative self talk? It's a truth. So why should I not use those words when thinking about myself?

[specter]

What about the "the-truth-hurts" type of people? From my experience, those people only solidify negative thought patterns. As far as I'm concerned, and as far as they are concerned as well, the negative thoughts I have about myself are painful truths that I "can't handle". What this must mean is that some people are better than other people.

This is why I'm a misanthrope. This right here.