Lost and hopeless

[titlefightx]

I've never posted on forum like this before or attempted to seek advice from strangers but I honestly don't know what to do at this point.

I'm 22 years old and about to graduate college in two weeks and I'm beyond depressed and hopeless. I have no plans after college and I'm moving back home permanently with my mother and her boyfriend who she cheated on my father with last May. My father is extremely depressed and keeps having strokes and heart attacks because of the stress after my mother left him. I constantly get texts from him saying how depressed he is and how he can't function without my mother and I haven't seen him in weeks because of how unstable he is. I'm constantly living in fear that I'm going to get a phone call saying that he is dead. I don't get along with my mother all that well anymore and I'm dreading moving back in with her because I know we are most likely going to argue and I'll be more miserable than I am now. I'm also 25,000 dollars in debt from college that I'm never going to be able to pay back (was an English major because I can't do anything else) and I have constant anxiety about money. Sleeping is a struggle and I have little to no motivation to do anything anymore. Since December I've become obsessed with my weight and trying to stay thin that eating has become a chore as well. I feel incredibly alone and I just wish things would get better for me. This probably reads terribly I'm sorry I've just posted in a rush I just wanted to post (most) of my story for now.

[titlefightx]

By the way, I am a firm atheist, absolutely DO NOT tell me to seek peace in a god.

[100footpole]

I am so sorry what should be a joyful transition has turned into an anxiety provoking nightmare.

Those of us who get depressed at the holidays have an annual small taste of what you are experiencing now.

Go to your college counseling center and see what they can do to help you find supports after college.

I love how you DO NOT apologize for your English Major ... Paying back the $25K will not be a problem for you after you find your place. Writing is so important now, but it is such a pain to make it through the HR maze where some gatekeeper blocks your way because that's what the checklist says. Healthy organizations have more open minds, so actually you are more likely to find something to make you happy, but it will be a surprise. AND Yes ... its impossible to keep that kind of attitude when your Dad is dieing.

Keep us informed.