Excited to be here. Looking for support and keen to help out

[mlrgy]

Hi everyone!

I've only just joined this site and don't quite know how everything works, but I'm looing forward to reading what eveyrone has to share on this site and offering my thoughts to maybe make their tomorrow more hopeful.

Any support is greatly appreciated! It's taken a lot out of me to finaly reach out, so here I am. I'm looking for support by knowing that I'm not the only one out there suffering from depression. Talking it out has saved my life before.

So here it goes...

As if the stress of trying to force out the right path for my life is not enough to bare, I have been experiencing daily bouts of extreme self-loathing and drastic mood swings that makes an extreme roller coaster look like an up-and-down mall escalator. It's been going on for 6 months now and I fear that it will push me over the edge and send me spiraling into a hole that I won't be able to crawl out of. I have no friends that I can consult with, because they are either too successful and happy to relate or have given up and just get stoned all day.

I'm happy (and very, very sad) to have read that a few of you have (or had) a similar disposition in life. I've come to realise that I'm just a depressed person who has been so good at putting on a mask their whole life. I can make people laugh, lead a group, show compassion like no other, and be a mentor... but I've never been able to help myself worth a damn. My depression has finally bubbled over and I repeat these things to myself all day, every day:

-you don't deserve anything or anyone
-your whole life has been a waste, and any hope of hapiness is out the window

I start out the day feeling useless, try my best to cheer myself up and get myself together, but inevitably crash and give up. I'm sick of it and want to beat it, but the greatest obstacle to overcome in life is yourself. As much as I would like to swandive off a cliff surrounded by beautiful scenery while listening to Mozart, I don't want to give up.

I'm 24 and feel like the world is over. I'm thinking of joining the military service and going overseas to be a medic.

[emily67]

welcome!.

i'm sorry no one replied to your intro sooner (but i'm making up for it now!)

as for how it works, the website is split in to categorries
on the homepage, their are links such as your story, expressions, music, art, all sorts

you just click on the place you want to post in- and then click on the post new topic link and you are set

hope that helps a little bit..

again, welcome

[SilentMomma]

Welcome mlrgy,
Omg so so familiar.
I understand the roller-coaster feeling all too well. I also know how hard it is to silence that inner critic. Mine likes to remind me of all the mistakes I've made and anything bad I've done sometimes until I want to just scream or worse. I know the need to make sure everyone else is getting what ever they want or need while I suffer silently.
Six months is a long long time not to see some light though. I hope you can find things along the way to remind you how much you really do matter, even if they don't break the darkness they can help even if just subconsciously.
I'm curious, you say want to be a medic in the army. Is there anything holding you back? If so are there steps you can get into motion? Working towards a goal may offer a good distraction.

[DontEatMyBacon]

welcome!

sorry to hear your struggles right now. just hang on. keep your head up. I know sometimes life is a mess, but i know too that there must be a glimpse of hope lying around, you just need to look for it more.