Depression Understood Forums

“Forgiveness is a choice you can make to free yourself from the shackles of your past, from pain, hurt and resentment. Forgiveness is your road to inner freedom. It does not mean that you need to forget, deny or condone what has transpired. You choose to forgive because forgiveness is the only way to transcend painful experiences and to attain inner peace and freedom.”


— Sasha Samy

I believe that most human beings, with their great big moralizing brains, make the mistake of judging who deserves forgiveness and who doesn't. Someone makes an small or 'honest' mistake and they should be forgiven. Some one makes a concerted affront, insults a beloved family member, commits a terrible transgression; then perhaps they should never be forgiven.

But the point we miss when we choose not to forgive, when we give in to not doing the required work to forgive, is that forgiveness does little or nothing for the transgressor. People often feel that if they forgive a harm then the culprit gets off. But that is generally not true. More often than not the culprits has no idea or no care.

Forgiveness is is an action that eases the suffering of the one harmed. If we carry a bag of unforgiven harms we carry a bag of bitterness inside us. If we can truly forgive then we release ourselves from that bitterness, even when the person we forgive is ourselves.

To the both of you,
Well said!!! Each of you made the most valid points on forgiveness. And I DO believe forgiveness includes ourselves--just as we forgive others.
With every great point brought to light, there is yet one more I will add. We are called upon to forgive one another, because we we've been forgiven first.

I read your posts earlier this morn.. before I had to leave my cocoon... and I pondered all a lot..because one of the reasons I have hit a new "low" and came here..is because of some actions of my family.. I only have 1 sibling, he is married 2 daughters.. I am not, no kids .. ..just me and pup.. and that is not a happy place to be.

Anywaaaaaay.. point is, Something happened this past month.. and I had to decide whether I would keep my mouth shut, as usual, or calmly let my family know how hurt I am by their actions. I chose to tell them, and while I agree it is up to me to forgive, it is sooo hard to do so, when the transgressors, now knowing how hurt you are, dismiss your feelings and dont even apologize for their actions.

I know, it does me no good to carry the hurt and is up to me to forgive and move on.. I DO.. but, the result has been me dealing with the reality of just how alone I am.. and that is not easy.

Forgiveness is for yourself only. It is to help you to move on. It does not condone any crime. It does not give the perpetrator a signal to go out and do it again.