I miss my friends.

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Arryn, Frame

WanderingOrc
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:12 am

I miss my friends.

Postby WanderingOrc » Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:55 pm

I am depressed because no one understands me
I am depressed because i do not understand everyone else
I am depressed because people withhold information from me
I am depressed because i have autism
I am depressed because i miss my friends
I feel alone because i am depressed

Syd, thanks for being you, Laura thanks for talking to me all the time, Defeated...i have you on skype lol

Honestly, what hope , or reason do i have at all, i cant even socially interact with other people on the internet, i am alone, totally, and doomed.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Wed Sep 25, 2013 8:29 pm

I'm not sure I can answer any of your questions; but I also feel doomed, often alone, and ostracised for making mistakes. But I wonder, what was that only source of help you were talking about? I'm not to good with chat rooms, so I guess I'll wait here

WanderingOrc
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:12 am

Postby WanderingOrc » Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:46 am

i'm not very good with forums.

but i was referring to being kicked from depression chat room, hi btw.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Thu Sep 26, 2013 7:28 am

Oh , I see. I'm not very good with chat rooms.
I'm sure you'll work that out.

Depression, in my opinion is a response to stress. It's easy to see how, not understanding and not being understood would stress you out. And of course, there different ways of expression; so different ways of understanding.

I'm going to assume, since your focusing on the chat room, that your main mode the expression is speech (words). There is an ancient tomb about how to use speech, something like, There are three tests a sentence needs to pass before it is spoken:
1. Is it true
2. Is it helpful
3. Is it timely
People have said that following these rules cuts out 90% of what they say.

My point is; if your finding it difficult to be understood, perhaps you can add a different mode of expression: drawing, painting, music, for instance. They won't replace words, but they often help clarify and enrich understanding.
Winston Churchill was a pig headed war-mongering fight-loving Statesman who believed in negotiating as far as you could lob a bomb even though he practiced his speeches (every noun, verb, period and pause) for about an hour per sentence.

He was also a chronic depressive painter (hmm, I wonder what Van Gogh might have done as Prime Minister) who was out of sync with his time so they ignored him. Then he was in perfect sync with his time so they made him Admiral and Prime Minister. Then he was out of sync again and they left him behind.

He struggled with all of this and in the process helped win back the free world from eminent darkness.

I like his remark; “ Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

WanderingOrc
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2012 9:12 am

talking

Postby WanderingOrc » Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:25 am

my issue is , i say things that to me are totally fine, but to everyone else it's inappropriate, i am amoral, apparently when normal kids learn right and wrong, i was being abused so now my right or wrong ..part of the brain is not there, i know right from wrong, i just don't understand why people got to that conclusion so even though i know it might not be good, i don't understand why, so half the time, i just say it anyways, its the only way i know how to say it, if that makes sense, often time, i lack the vocabulary to put into word how i feel , i get frustrated to easy and lash out, and then no one likes me, which is my current situation, for the good of the rest of the online chat community i have to not exists. it hurts knowing whats wrong with you but being unable to change it.

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Fri Sep 27, 2013 6:20 am

I can see how that might make it difficult to know whether it's the right time to say something; but you know whether something is true and whether it's helpful. Am I right? Are you willing to make that choice; to choose not to say something unless it will help someone?

WanderingOrc wrote:i know right from wrong, i just don't understand why people got to that conclusion so even though i know it might not be good, i don't understand why, so half the time, i just say it anyways


People are much more likely to want to be around you, if you choose to be helpful and you choose to be truthful. It's a choice you need to try to make each time you decide to express yourself; to speak, to write, to draw, even to listening. It may seem odd but often making a choice to listen or not to listen can be helpful. I was walking with a couple friends last night and one of them was in a manic mood. As we walked and talked he would interrupt with random thoughts. I started to ignore him because it interfered with my ability to have a conversation with other people. Don't get me wrong, I love this person, but I have to decide what's best at each moment.

I also find at times, that listening to certain music or news can trigger anger or sadness. When I decide not to listen to upsetting things, sometimes I'm helping others by being able to listen better, be more present, less chaotic.
Winston Churchill was a pig headed war-mongering fight-loving Statesman who believed in negotiating as far as you could lob a bomb even though he practiced his speeches (every noun, verb, period and pause) for about an hour per sentence.



He was also a chronic depressive painter (hmm, I wonder what Van Gogh might have done as Prime Minister) who was out of sync with his time so they ignored him. Then he was in perfect sync with his time so they made him Admiral and Prime Minister. Then he was out of sync again and they left him behind.



He struggled with all of this and in the process helped win back the free world from eminent darkness.



I like his remark; “ Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Fri Sep 27, 2013 2:11 pm

WanderingOrc,
I just want to say that you're not alone. Many people here also suffer with depression and feeling so alone. Some have also suffered abuse. (myself included)
The words you use to express yourself are good and efficient at explaining your thoughts and feelings. You seem pretty intelligent with your writing skills.
Hope you continue to post.
By the way, I miss my friends too. They're just so far away!
Take care.
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

SMcGregor
Posts: 35
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:13 am

Postby SMcGregor » Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:05 am

Depression is an adaptive mechanism which has served the species well for millions of years. When things are going well in our lives, we feel good. This good feeling is nature’s way of telling us to keep doing what we’re doing. When our lives are not going well, we feel down or depressed. This is nature’s way of telling us to make some changes.

In order to feel good, the following seven factors must be present in our lives:

- good nutrition
- fresh air
- sunshine
- physical activity
- purposeful activity
- good relationships
- adequate and regular sleep

Cheers,

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Sameness Differences

Postby Frame » Mon Oct 07, 2013 11:49 am

I entirely agree with what SMGregor says here.
SMcGregor wrote:Depression is an adaptive mechanism which has served the species well for millions of years. When things are going well in our lives, we feel good. This good feeling is nature’s way of telling us to keep doing what we’re doing. When our lives are not going well, we feel down or depressed. This is nature’s way of telling us to make some changes.

In order to feel good, the following seven factors must be present in our lives:

- good nutrition
- fresh air
- sunshine
- physical activity
- purposeful activity
- good relationships
- adequate and regular sleep

Cheers,
Unfortunately that's not nearly the end of the story. Part of the rest of the story (any one remember Paul Harvey) has to do with differences, part with sameness.

Even if a person (or a fish) has access to all seven factors for feel goodness, yet lives in a physically or emotionally unsafe place (or time) they are easily prone to unhappiness. Even if a person can live in an unsafe environment and develop to tools to survive, they face the chronic stress of survival. Often, surviving in difficult circumstances can bring happiness at having triumphed (purposeful living), having succeeded. Still, over time chronic stress, while it can strengthen, can also erode happiness leading to depression.

Yes, it is an adaptive mechanism, and it's telling us to change. That is universal. But the required change does not always come from attaining or increasing those seven factors (as essential as they are). The required change may be one of location and completely out of the question. What then? The required change may be one of breaking toxic relationships and forming newer healthy ones. Sometimes a great deal of loneliness and stress lie in between. Yup those seven are essential and yet your body is telling you to cut and run when you know the right choice is to stay and work. Perhaps both those things are wrapped together in a bundle of emotional baggage over how people (who may or may not have thought they were doing right) have taught you to think about yourself and how to judge your past.

Then, even with good supportive relationships, the work to achieve happiness (to feel good) can be slow and arduous. And expecting those seven factors (no matter how important) to do the trick might be disappointing. We all have different and complex paths.

I think in the past century people have become more convinced that we (or those people over there anyway) can go anywhere and do anything they put their mind to, if only they have enough commitment. We are increasingly seeing the negative environmental effects of this thinking. I think we are still ignoring the inner emotional effects of "I can do anything" thinking when faced with the reality of finite resources, including our mortality. I think an eighth factor might be: Adequate inner awareness and a ninth perhaps should be: Freedom from delusion. We may not achieve them with a vitamin or a bike ride alone, but (I am convinced) they are well worth working for.


Oh, and another universal (for depression trouble anyway); we have to try to make more of our successes (no matter how small), and know "this too will pass".

Elysium
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Oct 08, 2013 6:37 pm

Re: talking

Postby Elysium » Wed Oct 09, 2013 8:09 pm

WanderingOrc wrote:my issue is , i say things that to me are totally fine, but to everyone else it's inappropriate, i am amoral, apparently when normal kids learn right and wrong, i was being abused so now my right or wrong ..part of the brain is not there, i know right from wrong, i just don't understand why people got to that conclusion so even though i know it might not be good, i don't understand why, so half the time, i just say it anyways, its the only way i know how to say it, if that makes sense, often time, i lack the vocabulary to put into word how i feel , i get frustrated to easy and lash out, and then no one likes me, which is my current situation, for the good of the rest of the online chat community i have to not exists. it hurts knowing whats wrong with you but being unable to change it.


I'll try to explain a profound insight that I've had that might help you. It's hard to properly communicate stuff like this though, so please bear with me if I get too pretentious or abstract or whatever.

So, somewhat simplified your life is the sum total of all experiences stored in your brain from the point of birth up until this moment, right? This means that people will have different starting points from where they originate when interacting and relating to each other.

In a perfect world, this phenomenon would be understood, accepted and taken into consideration when interacting. Sadly, this is rarely the case. Most people tend to without further reflection assume that what's in their own head is somehow more important and more true than what's in somebody else's head. This ignorance often leads to confusion and less profound communication when interacting, which often times leads to frustration.

I guess that what I'm trying to do here is to put attention to this phenomena of automatically acting on one’s own "stuff". When you see this phenomena clearly you might just feel a bit less lost in your interactions with others because you understand the forces that's in motion, both in yourself and in them. At least that's how it tends to work for me.

I also would like to mention that there are people out there that have profound insights into life. It’s just rather rare to find the ones that expresses these insights all the way though how they live and interact. Profound insights are available to anyone at any moment by the way. Such insights can vastly change how you see things and unlock virtually limitless potential for true happiness, acceptance, understanding, love and other meaningful stuff within yourself (way cliché when I write it like that, I know, but it's actually very relieving and real when you touch upon these kinds of aspects of life yourself). The main reason why not many people are like this is because these kind of insights generally only happen spontaneously when a person's attitude towards life is more along the lines of "what's actually true regardless of what I think I know" in contrast to the far more popular "what do I think will make me happy". :-)

Please feel free to write and ask if you don't think that you understand what I mean or whatever, no question or feedback is dumb or inappropriate.


Return to “Expressions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests