Very lost

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Levy
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:42 pm

Very lost

Postby Levy » Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:32 am

I don't really know where to begin. But I've been suffering with depression/anxiety since roughly 6th grade. I'm now 22 and am realizing just how much of my life has been effected by it, including my relationships with everyone in my life thus far. I struggled all through grade school, and ended up dropping out of high school, because of my depression/anxiety, as well as other reasons.
I was never able to make and/or keep many friends, besides my one great friend. I also have never dated and have never been romantically interested in anyone until recently. I believe this is my fault. I'm quite introverted and I have a hard time opening up to anyone.
Over the years I've had some real ups and downs, in and out of therapy and psychiatrists, and too many meds. Honestly I can't remember a time when I was genuinely happy.
I have made some progress over the past couple years. I got my driver's license, which was a hurdle because of a nerve/back injury. I got my GED, and also have been working part time for the past year. So I know I'm making progress, it's just very hard being so far behind in life.
Recently I made a friend "more like 7 months ago" whome I've grown to really like more and more as we spend time together and talk. I'm not sure how she feels about me, but at the very least we've grown as friends, and that has been such a great thing for me in my life. I've not told her any of this, though I'm sure she's noticed I kinda clam up in any social situation. I want to tell her, but I don't know how, or even if I should. But i feel she deserves to know.
I'm also terrified to pursue anything more with her, in fear of ruining the relationship we already have, which has been some of the best memories I've had recently. And I realize how selfish that sounds, but it's where I'm at.
I guess I'm just a little lost again, and it's been kinda rough these past few months.
I guess I'm posting this cause I wanted some outside opinions and/or advice on how to handle relationships, both romantically and not, while dealing with my mental Illness. And how I can explain to her and any future relationships why I am the way I am without hurting them.
Any advice would be amazing. Thank you

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