Depression Understood Forums

I am a 32 year old woman and I have been living with depression since I can remember. I am feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and wishing very much that I could just live my life and be happy. Today I had the experience of losing someone in my life. I was not particularly close to this person, but her death was very sudden and unexpected. Whenever someone dies so suddenly, it makes me re-examine my life and my priorities. It makes me realize that life is precious and should therefore not be wasted. However, I feel like my life is definitely being wasted. I have passed up countless opportunities in my life due to suffering from depression and anxiety. The last few years of my life have been particularly hard for me. I find myself deep in a rut that I can not seem to dig myself out of no matter how hard I try. I feel like I am barely existing and really only a shell of my real self. I push everyone away because I really don't want to bring others down with me. I avoid serious relationships because I am so terrified that I will be a burden to anyone who would ever care about me. I want so badly to somehow cure my depression so I can actually live my life, but I am pretty sure I will have to live the rest of my life feeling extremely anxious or like I am empty inside. I really wish on a regular basis that I did not exist. I know suicide is not an answer because I don't want to hurt my family, but I just don't want to live another 30-60 years feeling like I am dead on the inside! I am reaching out because I just could use some support from other people who have experienced some of the same feelings that I have.

Hi AEM,

I'm so sorry for your loss! Even when you're not especially close to someone, it definitely makes sense that the news of losing someone can come as a blow and make you feel uncomfortable or hypersensitive towards your own life. That has happened to me before too. May I ask if you're seeing a good therapist? Or if you have any go-to comforting coping techniques up your sleeve? Even something as small as just having a coffee or hot chocolate after a long/bad day or during a low period of depression. Anything that can make you feel a little happier for a bit might help. I have anxiety and depression too, and I know how it is to scare yourself out of new opportunities, second guess yourself, or worry about possibilities that may not even be real or immediate in your life. But sometimes I wonder if that's the biggest tip in fighting depression and doubt--just recognizing that it *is* the depression or anxiety speaking and not the real you may help to keep your perspective and thoughts up. It might not get rid of all the low feelings or make everything better, but it could be the first step to making positive thoughts the staple in your life and your outlook. I'm not just trying to give you encouragement to feel better in that sickly-sweet way that people sometimes try to tell you. But, from your post, you sound like a very self-aware person, so I fully believe that that means you can overcome the depression and anxiety because you know that there are so many options and outlets for you to use to help tackle the illness day by day. I mean, you're on this forum! If you'd like, you can message me whenever and I can be an outlet--whatever works best for you And please know you will *never* burden anyone with yourself. It's hard for me to say that, because I feel that way too, and it's been a hurdle for me in my own relationship. But anyone who is in your close circle (family, friends, whomever) should always be sensitive, patient, and open to understanding you and the depression--because they're not the same. In the meantime, I hope you've been having a great day, and that you have a great weekend too! And if this helps (it at least works for me whenever I'm hit by the depression train), maybe give this link a listen. I hope it helps you too! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7OGY1Jxp3o

Best wishes!

I'm so glad you decided to share with us. You are not a burden and I imagine you won't be a burden to others if you feel strong enough to reach out. I've discovered in my own struggles with anxiety that most people are eager for opportunities to support us but never get those opportunities because of that negative voice of depression and anxiety that wants to keep us isolated. Have you considered therapy or any type of outside help. The dark side of depression and anxiety says avoid and isolate, and sometimes even convinces us that we don't need help or that nothing can help us. But we have to resist that negative voice with positive feedback and re-enforcement. Change out this link http://bit.ly/2fKX4qnthis may offer some help.

Hi and welcome to the forums. Glad to see your opening up on here.

Again I'm really sorry for your loss. Sounds like this person meant alot to you. Were you too ever close?

I don't know how you feel still but sometimes it helps talking to someone over the phone how you feel and opening up to them what you felt like inside. Have you thought about berveament counselloring? Do you think it might help

It's good to have family and friends around you at this difficult time. You got to look after yourself to and do what's best for you. I'm sure that's what she wanted.

Please don't give up. You got a life and can make something of it. It's true what people say, you only get one life. I do think you can through this with the right help and support.

Please keep reaching out to us.

Take Care

By the way, I also suffer with depression and anxiety and I know how it feels to not feel like your getting anywhere. I find getting out and talking to others helps me. Would that helpful to do?

Remember your not on your own x

AEM --

Thank you for posting. I'm so, so sorry for your loss I'm in tears reading this because you sound like a carbon copy of me. It breaks my heart that you feel this way, because I know first hand how much it sucks, but it brings me comfort to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this, and I hope it brings you comfort, too. Just know that you are never, ever alone and you are most certainly not a burden to anyone and you never will be.

On particularly rough days, I want to just lay in bed all day and do nothing, but I've noticed that going outside seems to help a lot. Even if it's just a coffee run or a quick trip to the library, it always makes me feel better.

I also love this buzzfeed post on self-care. Some of them are silly (bat your eyelashes softly? teehee, whatever works!) but there are some nice suggestions on here. https://www.buzzfeed.com/ailbhemalone/s ... .ytWXaZwLL

Feel free to reach out. Hugs. xo.

Hi AEM, I wanted to ask, what exactly is your dream/ideal outcome if you could conquer these bad habits? Share with me privately, I coach people with these repetitive patterns. +1 714-886-6581