Depressed girl with Strong Problems with asperger boyfriend

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Filipa
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:05 am

Depressed girl with Strong Problems with asperger boyfriend

Postby Filipa » Tue Jun 18, 2019 1:34 pm

I have dated my boyfriend for over than a year now, and we have been living together for several months.
My boyfriend is asperger, diagnosed for one year and half. I suffer from depression, I cannot tell exactly since when, but I have a formal diagnostic for 4 years now.
I have searched all over the internet for help. I've known for my boyfriend condition since day one, as he also have known about mine.
It have been incredibly difficult to date someone that is naturally non-empatetic. He tries the best way he is able to help, some of it is a little bit "forced", but it is his way of showing that he cares, doing something that is contrary to his condition.
We were about to get a house for ourselves, to start a real life together in a place that does not seem a college dorm (aka, the study were I lived alone, and then with him), when he told me something about the star of our relationship that broke my heart and conducted me to a state of depression were I have never been before...

He told me that while we were "flirting" with each other in college, having breaks together, studying but "forgetting" to call our other colleges to study with us, mooning at each other in classes..., he was seeing someone else.

We were not dating yet, and he told me that he had a "non-relationship" with that person. So, technically he was not cheating on anyone, and, at leat according to him, we never had anything before he broke up with that person.
I know that she is a friend of his sister in law, and know I know why his sister in law seemed to hate me so much at the beginning. Now we are friends, but I feel betrayed by a lot of people.
I feel betrayed by him, because while I was telling my friends about this wonderful guy that I met in my PhD classes, and for one time since almost forever, I was actually happy, I was not numb because of my pills, I was not meh, I was not just ok, I was actually happy. I was telling my friends in the birthday of one of them and almost dolid not recognized myself in the pictures, because of how much I was smiling. While I was telling my friends, choosing carefully my clothes to impress him, etc, he was having sex with another person....
I feel like trash, I feel humiliated, I feel completely hurt... We did not broke up. I don't know if we should do that. We told me that he was never unfaithful to me, and he is the typical asperger guy, that is dangerous to ask him about his day because he will start telling, with extreme detail, everything that he did in that day.
Even if I know that he never betrayed me or the other person I still feel like trash. I cry all day, I am not able to work, I cannot speak about this with any friends, the idiot of the therapist is always trying to rationalize that does not erase everything we had together and that he didn't betrayed anyone. And I know that, but it still hurts a lot.
I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I just want to stay in bed. I have a PhD to conclude and I cannot find the strength, I have parents that I cannot disappoint even more, I have a job from hone that I have not being able to take care of, and I am afraid that I might be fired... I just really want to hurt myself, sometimes even die, not doing anything just because dying is too permanent, I would not be able to hurt myself again.
I feel like a piece of sh*t, I feel like all this time that poleople have been making fun of my on my back, him, his brother, his sister in law, even a few friends
I cannot speak with my friends, they would know that something is wrong with me and I don't wanna tell them. They would never forgive him and I don't know if I want to break things. Before this, I had my depression, my moments, but things with him were controlled, and that helped me to be the happiest that I can be.
I don't know exactly what I am trying to find out here. Maybe some support? Advice? Or just the opportunity to tell my story? I don't know. Writing this was the most that I was able to do today. I need something, but I don't know exactly what..
Please, tell me something. Any advice? Any lecture? Maybe I am beeinhmg to harsh on him? Maybe I am not being harsh enough... I don't know
Please, help me before I do something stupid. Someone save me from myself

KimmyO
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2017 9:10 pm

Re: Depressed girl with Strong Problems with asperger boyfriend

Postby KimmyO » Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:25 pm

Well, the indecision is tearing you apart, and once you decide whether the relationship is worth continuing in, you will have more peace. It might help you to break it off for a while to decide whether to go back to him or not without the pressure from him. A time away can give us better perspective. Write down the goods and bads and decide what is most important. Also, taking magnesium and ginseng can help calm your mind body and spirit a lot and get rid of the loopy negative thoughts so you can decide clear headed. =) It will work out either way, do what is best long term for you.

jira
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 14, 2019 2:44 am

Re: Depressed girl with Strong Problems with asperger boyfriend

Postby jira » Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:52 am

Image
Promoting love with sweetness and stability. There are 8 items.
1.To hold the mind and follow the rules of the family
2.Appreciated when doing good Use the thank you and apologize for the habit
3.Make the house pleasant Is both a place of rest and warmth
4.Honest and trust
5.Honoring and not interfering with each other's private space
6.Should not expect that the other party must always know our hearts
7.Think that his family is our family too
8.Open to listen to each other Accept different opinions
credit : slotxo :D :)


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