I want to no longer exist

[johnd205]

Around 45 years of depression and fear and failure, lots of meds and therapists, I really don't want to be around anymore.

[laurenipsum]

Hey, how are you doing? I understand and can relate to the desire to not exist. I also can relate to missing your cat (I just lost mine). Do you want to talk about it on the board here? I know that is not much to offer, but perhaps it would help.

[j2415]

I’m sorry to hear this. I pray that you will not lose up and will remain strong whatever you are facing in life right now.

We are here for you so please keep sharing. God bless.

[marylilyhart]

I relate. I look back at my past and seem to only remember disappointment, struggle and failure. I'm sure there was some positive in there somewhere, but I can't remember it. And thinking about my future I cant see it, I can only see this current confusing lonely struggle, and all I feel is hopeless, pain, loneliness. I dont know why, but I take comfort In reading your message. You are not alone.

[jessica james]

Stop saying like that. If you're brave enough to have spent 45 years you can cope up with this too. People will listen and enjoy your problems and can never solve them. You have to be your own serotonin. Find your ways to get out of it. And I know you can do that. Nothing is impossible it just needs a little effort. You can try managing your anxiety and depression and do whatever you feel good doing. I'm sure a little change would be better for a new peaceful life

[jledbetter270]

Hi everyone. I too have suffered for over 30 years mostly in silence as nobody understands or like some of us we get bumper sticker answers. Its not that I dont want to live anymore its just that I dont want to live like this anymore. I have a counselor. But she does not understand the seriousness.My oldest daughter died in june and I was living in an environment of sexual harrassement and assault. I am 57 and living in a mechanics shop. so depressing after fighting all my life to live in a mechanics shop. I need to be grateful i know.But I am not able to commit suicide as I realize it is a very selfish act. so that leaves me trapped. meds take the edge off. I cannot believe I found a place for people that understand. I am open to chat because I need to talk to people who GET IT. I too wonder whats the point as nothing seems to help. But I keep trying. The little rebel band of soldiers in my head are fighting the goliath that is depression. We can fight this together I hope. I also suffered from alcoholism for most of my life. 6 years sober with no desires to return.

[likeburied]

Hi everyone. I too have suffered for over 30 years mostly in silence as nobody understands or like some of us we get bumper sticker answers. Its not that I dont want to live anymore its just that I dont want to live like this anymore. I have a counselor. But she does not understand the seriousness.My oldest daughter died in june and I was livingbasketball stars in an environment of sexual harrassement and assault. I am 57 and living in a mechanics shop. so depressing after fighting all my life to live in a mechanics shop. I need to be grateful i know.But I am not able to commit suicide as I realize it is a very selfish act. so that leaves me trapped. meds take the edge off. I cannot believe I found a place for people that understand. I am open to chat because I need to talk to people who GET IT. I too wonder whats the point as nothing seems to help. But I keep trying. The little rebel band of soldiers in my head are fighting the goliath that is depression. We can fight this together I hope. I also suffered from alcoholism for most of my life. 6 years sober with no desires to return.

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has passed away. You have been very strong so far. You've quit drinking, which is good news. You are gradually stepping out of your current situation. Take steps to make changes and don't put pressure on yourself. Simply a small habit can help change your situation, persevere until the end. I believe you can do it.

[Feelingsareweird]

Hi John. I can't imagine what you've been through. I do hope you're still around though.

[Feelingsareweird]

Hi everyone. I too have suffered for over 30 years mostly in silence as nobody understands or like some of us we get bumper sticker answers. Its not that I dont want to live anymore its just that I dont want to live like this anymore. I have a counselor. But she does not understand the seriousness.My oldest daughter died in june and I was living in an environment of sexual harrassement and assault. I am 57 and living in a mechanics shop. so depressing after fighting all my life to live in a mechanics shop. I need to be grateful i know.But I am not able to commit suicide as I realize it is a very selfish act. so that leaves me trapped. meds take the edge off. I cannot believe I found a place for people that understand. I am open to chat because I need to talk to people who GET IT. I too wonder whats the point as nothing seems to help. But I keep trying. The little rebel band of soldiers in my head are fighting the goliath that is depression. We can fight this together I hope. I also suffered from alcoholism for most of my life. 6 years sober with no desires to return.

You are the coolest person I know, just by saying this.