I'm getting too tired to help my friend

[athenenoctula]

Hi everyone,

I'll start with quick (okey, not that quick) backstory. I have an ex-gf, we broke up 'cause I dicovered I'm asexual. I knew I hurt her and wanted to back off as much as I could but she insisted to stay friends almost imiedietly. I couldn't say no, 'cause she's depressed and I was too scared she would harm herself. And I don't now how that happen but I think I become both her ex, who broke her heart as well as a shoulder to cry on. The only one shoulder. She's texting me all the time on facebook, if I don't responde, she's texting on the phone, if I still don't responde either, she's calling. Sometimes I'm scared she'll just appear at my door. I am really introverted and sometimes I feel like I haven’t slept for a year and because of that I’m getting so much irritated. And I hate myself for that because I know she needs help but I can’t help hating her sometimes, I want to yell at her sometimes and get a freaking restraining order. She used to be awfuly clingy when we were a couple too, but then it seemed more normal I guess.
Now we both finishing up our BSc theasis. Well, I’m finishing up – she’s done with hers. I was helping her, motivating her, I always let her go to the library with me, although I prefere to study alone. I was even checking her grammar and helping with some paragraphs. Now I don’t think I’m gonna finish mine on time. I’m also having an exam session at my second uni right now and it seems like she didn’t realize it, mumbling about how „we wre supposed to go iceskiing, we have to see this movie, we should go on a hike” etc.
Last week I was to peopled out, I’d probably couldn’t look at my own mirror reflection. I wasn’t doing anything at that time when I saw her calling. But I just muted my phone, ‘cause I couldn’t bear it. And when I turned it back there where like 20 missed calls and whan I called back she said she wanted to kill herself. I asked why she didn’t call anyone else and she said, she wants to talk to me only. This weekend our mutual friends wanted to go grab a coffee. I know she wanted to go. I bailed tho, because I’m still in deep s**t with my theasis and exams and I was to tired to hang out especially with pepole who are way ahead of me with their works. I said my ex, I’m not going and she started to cry and I got soooo angry because that was so not about her at that moment. And then she said she’s not going either. And I knew she wanted to. So I was both pissed and feeling guilty. I tried to tell her that she can’t be addicted to me, that I am the least dependable person I know, that I like and I want to be able to dissapear from time to time. I don’t think she get any of this.
And the most awful part – I don’t think I care anymore if she harm herself. I fear that I’m only scared of that because that would be my fault. And I fear that I’m starting to care less and less whether I’m a cruel, heartless person, ‘cause I need a break so much.
What can I do? Is there a polite way to tell someone depressed that I am tired of her sos he won’t hurt herself? I’m scared I’ll snap at her eventually. How can I make sure she’ll be safe and have someone to talk to? Can I even put such a responsibility at someone? Please, help. Recently her friend told me that I keep hurting her. I want to stop but I don’t know how. She won’t let me leave and caring for her is a full time job and a job that I suck at.

Sorry for the length of that but I needed to vent and I'm too scared to tell any of my friends, 'cause they'd either push me away or would completly took my side and that's not very helpful either.

[SirOats]

Hang in there man. It sounds like both of you are dealing with some heavy stuff.
Are you seeing a therapist? If not, I highly recommend it. If you are, ask your therapist for ways to remove yourself from this relationship.
Try and forgive yourself and let go of the guilt.
When flying the stewardess tells us to put on our airbag before helping the child in the next seat. Similar thing here, take care of your own situations before taking on hers.
You'll have to explain this to her. I encourage you to explain your situation to a campus counselor and maybe have him or her take it over from here.