I would like to start dating - how do I address depression?

Depression/anxiety may have touched your family, your friends, yourself; what helps you to deal with it? Sharing is caring!

Moderators: windsong, cj-, BlueGobi, Moderators, Arryn, Frame

anders1122
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 11:30 pm
Location: Washington, DC

I would like to start dating - how do I address depression?

Postby anders1122 » Tue Aug 27, 2013 11:36 pm

Hi Everyone -

I have had some challenges in the past with depression and self harm. However, I would like to start dating men after many years away from the scene.

I am anxious about how to raise this issue in a serious relationship. Assuming that I am at the point when I am intimate with someone, my scars will be visible and obvious.

When I find the right man to be intimate with... how to do I raise this? Do I address this beforehand, or wait for him to ask (assuming that he does)?

Has anyone else faced challenges in this front, and how and when did you raise this with your partner? What was the reaction that you received?

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:08 am

Hi there,
Welcome aboard the crazy train-- HaHa! Just bein silly....

On a more serious note, I have scars also. Hmm. I'll tell you the truth. The tougher you are, people don't dare ask. I'm sorta like a hard but "beautiful" biker chic. I don't call myself good-looking. Others do. The point I'm trying to make is: Who really cares what others think?!! But when you are 'involved' with someone, you owe that someone the truth. Myself, I've noticed that when I'm honest, it only garners more respect! However, I tend to have a habit of turning others away; Maybe, I've not found the right one. IDK. Hey, though! When I'm appreciated, the way I should be, my scars become 'invisible.' I cannot compare scars w/u, because I haven't laid eyes on you. Trust me though, when I say that attitude and personality over-ride any scars. You'll meet someone who will love you for 'you.' Just don' let those scars render you complacent! Be yourself-- without any second thoughts! :)
When life throws UA lemon, throw the dang thing back.

fallen
Posts: 264
Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 1:04 am

Postby fallen » Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:14 am

the right guy will understand and love you for who you are.
a friend of mine was born with deformed arms, many guys did judge her for this, but she is now happily married with twin boys.
if a guy has a problem he is not right for you,it is always in my opinion best to be honest from the beginning, saves on the pain later.
take care

kittycatlover
Posts: 27
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 11:48 pm
Location: Texas

Postby kittycatlover » Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:44 am

Anders1122,

I like what Fallen said. I think that if you are looking for a relationship with another person, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

If you love and accept yourself, then you will not allow someone else into your life who doesn't accept you.

Having said that, Not everyone can handle depression and it is not fair to expect them to.

Having said THAT, I don't think you need to tell everyone on the first date about your issues, They don't deserve to know and have not earned your trust.

I would say follow your instincts. Make sure your relationship with yourself is happy and healthy. Ask yourself what you want/expect from a partner, then look for those qualities in another person.

Rather than wondering if everyone will accept you, look at it as if you are interviewing others for the position of partner in your life. Who can YOU accept?

One position (who will accept me?) makes you a victim. The other (Who do I accept?) empowers you.

SMcGregor
Posts: 35
Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 8:13 am

Postby SMcGregor » Fri Oct 04, 2013 9:48 am

It doesn’t have to be something grand or overwhelming. It does take time to commit to searching out and determining just why.

We do create our own lives … our own destinies. Every day we do this by the choices we make and the thoughts we think.

Cheers,


Return to “Family and Friends of People Living with Depression”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests