girlfriend has depression and dumped me

[wickie]

Less then a week ago my girlfriend of about a year out of the blue called and broke it off with me. To say the least I was confused and didn't really know what to say. i suppose I still do not. I guess to understand everything, we have to start at the beginning. Sorry for the length but talking about it has been a sort of catharsis for me.
We met in college, she was coming from Seattle to a university in Michigan for grad school and i was a junior. I started college a little later so we were the same age, both 27. She was a grad student in my advisors lab, so we seen each quite frequently and eventually became real good friends. We became close and ended up sharing a lot with each other. She always told me that i reminded her of home. it was easy to detect that she liked me, alot. i felt the same but never could could muster the courage to ask her officially out. She is quite beautiful, smart and funny. Despite my stupidity at the time, her feelings did not alter and she asked me out. I accepted. After that, it was unbelievable. For the first time in my life I felt like I was loved and and I was able to allow myself to be love. We talked, shared and explored. The relationship felt like something I have only read in a novel. It was a couple months into our relationship that she shared the fact that she suffers from depression and she didnt like the effect of her current medication and wanted to go off of it. i could tell she was nervous to tell me but I assured her that it did not bother me and I was not going anywhere. I was happy that she told me and I believe that it opened our relationship even more. As the months went by we spent a lot time together and I can honestly say, to this point in my life, I never was as happy as I was with her.

At the end of the semester, I graduated and got hired for a job that was 2 hours away. i can honestly say it broke my heart to take that job. But i needed income. She didn't like it either but was understanding. I came back every weekend and we would spend time together. The first few months were extremely difficult for me but she always found ways to make me happy. She was really supportive and things were going fine. When the new semester started she got busy, as she started to work on projects. I did not mind, I still came up every weekend. Even if she was busy I still felt better by just being closer to her. As the semester continued, she started to get stressed about school and I could sense a change in her disposition. i asked her about it and she told me she was feeling the depression again and it was pretty bad. When she told me, she was crying and told me that previous boyfriends have broken up with her because of it. I assured her again that I was not going anywhere and that she met too much me. We talked about it honestly and openly. i asked her if it was me, if the long distance was affecting her. She told me that she did better when I was around.
It killed me to be away from while she was feeling like this. She started feeling worse and sometimes miss work or leave early. She would sometimes go out and drink. As she put it "the reason she drank was because she wanted an actually reason to feel like ****". We talked about her depression and she realized she needed to go see someone. During this time she would sometimes seem distant from me. I never wanted to walk on eggshells so I would ask her if we were ok. She assured me that it was and it was being caused by how she was feeling. And that it would pass. I told her I didn't want to lose her. She told me I wasnt going to lose her. She seen a psychiatrist for a new prescription and also started seeing a psychologist. That was a couple weeks ago and she was still feeling the same. She told me it took a little while and things would be fine. Again I felt terrible for being away from her and it was hard sometimes because i really didnt know what she was going through. But I always reminded her that I wan't going anywhere and I supported her. She did the same.
After meeting with psychologist earlier this, she said they thought it might be a good idea if we didnt go back to Seattle around christmas because it stressful for her to go back home. I told her I agreed. The next day, she emailed e and told me she talked to her mom and that we were'nt going and we should something fun for the holiday. The following day is when I got the phone call. She said she broke down at work, I asked her what happened. She said it was about us. She said she didnt feel the same way anymore. I was shocked. The only thing I could say was that i didn't understand. She said she didnt know why but thought it was best her and I not to be together. She told me she felt like a broken person. I asked if there was any chance for this feeling to pass and she said no. I was heartbroken. I emailed her later that night, no questions, just to remind her that she is an amazing person and that she is not broken. She replied the next day and said that she did not regret our time together but thought this was best and didn't want to hurt me. She ended it by saying that she is going to miss me alot. It felt like a sorry/goodbye letter.
The next day, I found out that she deleted me and my friends from her facebook. Childish to care, I know. But this made me even more confused and thoughts that she was trying to hide something started racing through my mind. So I called her and asked her if she was/is seeing anybody else. She seemed upset by the question and told me she wasn't. I believe her. She also said the face book thing was because she didn't want to be reminded of me as it was still hard for her. I do regret making that call, I know she isn't a cheater. After that, I decided that I wan't going to call her for 3-4 weeks. I deleted her number and sent it to a friend to give to me later. I feel like she may sometime to figure things out.
But i just feel like she is trying to purge me out of her life even after the things we have been through. I feel like it's easy for her to throw me out. I want to believe that this is a defense mechanism for. No interaction equals no stress for her. This is hard for me. She is incredible and means a lot to me. I feel like I am a different person now. Like my path is different. And I don't want to lose that feeling. There is so much more to our relationship and what she meant to me but it's hard to depict on a thread. I know our relationship may never be like it was when we were dating but I feel like I do need some kind of relationship with her. I guess to conclude my rambling and choppy sentences, Am I doing the right thing?, What should I do? Any advice? Am I hopeless romantic? did I cause her depression to be worse?

Thank you

[iminrepair]

im sorry Wickie, I am going through the same thing, its been 3 weeks for me now, my gf is depressed because she lost her mother 7 months ago. i also tried to be there for her and support her, been through alot with her. but she let me go on new years day.

How have things gone for you and you gf? are you guys back together? just friends?

I really hope i get my gf back this pain is so hard. cant live without her

[metaLarsllica]

((((((((((((( inrepair )))))))))))))

I am sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give you some advice however, i'm not good on relationship advise. We have many chatters in the chat room that have gone through similar experiences. If you would like pls feel free to come check it out and chat with those that can offer understanding and support.

Meta

[wickie]

Inrepair. I havn't talked to her since the day after the break. Though I have wanted to pretty much daily. It's hard, no doubt about that but for me I know it's the best decision. Even before the breakup I was feeling depressed. A new town, new job (I don't like) and new people. I wasn't the same person she fell for. Hopefully I didn't add anything to her depression but I now realize it wasnt healthy for her. And that's what's most important, her. It sounds like you care an incredible amount for your ex, if so, give her time and space. Then go from there. Make sure to talk to people, friends, family, therapist, a pet whatever works. No social networks please, it will kill you. Trust me, you see pictures (though we are not facebooks friends anymore, we still have mutual friends) and maybe she looks really happy, and then you think was she just sad with me. Thats my story. Keep away. You dont know what's going on in their head. I don't know if you have contacted her since you posted here, but wait. Give it time. Let yourself relax, so when you talk it's not pure emotion. I plan on it eventually, not to get back together (that train has past, I know she doesnt feel that way about me anymore) but rather to have some kind of relationship as we did way before we dated. I'm sure you've been to other websites looking for answers and most have them have said the same thing, dont call, wait two months, ect..., or the how to get your ex back websites. There is no answers, everybody is different on how the handle stress. I will say this, you have to call her eventually. A line in the sand perhaps, about how you two go on from here. Will you be in each others life's or is it goodbye. I hope this helps and if you need to keep talking, keep posting. we are listening

[iminrepair]

Thanks Wickie, everyting you said is true i looked for answers, but nothing seemed right, i just couldnt ignore her the way the websites said, so i continued to be there for her as a friend for about two months, until i finally had enough and asked her what she wanted from me, were we to remain friends or she planned to get toghether again? She told me she liked me but she just couldnt handle a relationship right now. I asked her if she had even thought about me and her this whole time i gave her her space. She said she didnt even think about it. So i took it as an insult and just basically moved on after that, i did not text or call her for a whole week and she broke no contact, stupid of me to have replied to her, shes just in her own little world now, theres alot more to this story id like to share, certain circumstances ive had to deal with. today i can say im moving on, im seeing another girl today and i hope the book flips its page tonight. although I admit that if my ex ever wants to get back with me i would consider it only on my terms this time.

[iminrepair]

also wickie, have you had any contact with your ex now that its been a while? if so how is it going?

[iminrepair]

So id just like to update on my story.. About a year ago my ex gf dumped me because she said she wasn't fit for a relationship due to depression.. But I always had a feeling she dumped me cause she wanted to get back with her baby daddy. Finally after a year I noticed she was hanging out with his family more than often. So I stopped taking to her as a friend for 2 months and sure enough before Christmas they get togheter again. Really loved this girl but thank god this was what I needed to get over her.. It took me about 3 days to just accept the situation, specially for her daughter who I loved dearly. I'm forced to move on but I'm looking forward to the future.

[CrazyLady17]

(((Hugs)))