Boyfriend with Severe Depression

[Emilyytt]

Hello everyone, I am in desperate need of help with my situation.

My boyfriend has severe depression, and gets waves of it randomly. We started dating in May and he was absolutely perfect. I fell in love with him on our very first date. He mentioned things like “I am the person that I WANT to be when I’m with you,” which may have hinted at the fact that he had severe depression early on, however he didn’t disclose it to me until later. After about two months of us dating, he began to act slightly less happy however he still asked me to move in with him and he had more good days than bad. About three weeks after I moved in with him, he had changed into a completely different person in an instance. I don’t remember exactly WHEN he changed, but it didn’t even feel like I knew him anymore.

His behavior changed. He began to use video games as an emotional outlet, and he would play them for thirteen hours or more. He would come home from work and go off on me if I even tried to touch him, hug him, or speak to him. He began texting people at all hours, and many of them were people I had never seen him text before. However he is very protective of his phone and privacy so I do not know what he said nor whom he was talking to all the time. If I spoke up for myself, tried to talk to him at all, or asked him to do something with me he would explode on me. Eventually he explained to me the severity of his depression and that he was pushing me away in order to protect me. He asked me to move out of his apartment, and now we don’t talk at all or see each other.

My greatest concern was the fact that he resorted to texting and talking to pretty much everyone else in his life but didn’t want to even communicate with me or be around me. I will admit that this made me very jealous and caused me to believe that he was cheating on me. I have been begging him to talk to me and see me, as recently as an hour ago. I fear that he is going to retreat from me more and more as I continue to try to get him to open up to me, and eventually break up with me.

I know that I want to stay with him, but I am mentally exhausted and all I want from him is to text me occasionally and see me in person maybe once a week. I worry about him and I worry about us as a couple. I do not know how to get him to talk to me at all or see me at all without setting him off again or causing him to just end things between us.

I apologize for the messiness of this message; I am extremely emotional and have no clue what to do anymore. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Golda Dilema]

When I was depressed I would distance myself from those that I love too. I preferred to be alone and have my own world. I didn't want people asking me questions nor be concerned for me. I didn't want people to see me depressed and not in a good way of thinking.

You may try to write your boyfriend a letter. Express that you love him no matter what he is going through. You may also accompany him to seek professional help.

[CamilaWillaims]

When I was depressed I would distance myself from those that I love too. I preferred to be alone and have my own world. I didn't want people asking me questions nor be concerned for me. I didn't want people to see me depressed and not in a good way of thinking.

You may try to write your boyfriend a letter. Express that you love him no matter what he is going through. You may also accompany him to seek professional help.

Agreed to Golda Dilema.

[chinaandback]

Emily,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been involved with emotionally unavailable people before and it is so painful! You boyfriend probably felt those endorphins of being in love at the beginning, which overroad the depression and asked you quickly to move in, hoping he would continue to feel happy around you. He probably wasn't lying when he said he wanted to protect you. His depression and the way he is treating you is NOT your fault. It sounds like he needs help and I will pray that he gets it. Sadly, as I've experienced, the more you try to be in his life, the more he will push you away. I agree with the other posters' suggestion of a letter. Send it and then give him some space. It's not your "job" to try to fix him. You can be a supportive girlfriend but maybe think about if there is a future with this person. Is he being treated? I would hope he would seek help so that he can live a fulfilling life. (((hugs)))

[JJMoonknight]

Emily,

I have found that my Wife struggles to talk in person or even on the phone when she is deep in her depression. She prefers texting as it is easier for her to mask how she is feeling. Not sure if that is the case with your BF but it could be......

[Jm0316]

I wish I could help you, but that he acknowledges his depression is at least a start. My husband will not say anything is wrong except he is tired and he sleeps al the time, but when I ask him about why he is so tired or does he think it’s excessive, he gets defensive and won’t address anything.

[Prycejosh1987]

Hello everyone, I am in desperate need of help with my situation.

My boyfriend has severe depression, and gets waves of it randomly. We started dating in May and he was absolutely perfect. I fell in love with him on our very first date. He mentioned things like “I am the person that I WANT to be when I’m with you,” which may have hinted at the fact that he had severe depression early on, however he didn’t disclose it to me until later. After about two months of us dating, he began to act slightly less happy however he still asked me to move in with him and he had more good days than bad. About three weeks after I moved in with him, he had changed into a completely different person in an instance. I don’t remember exactly WHEN he changed, but it didn’t even feel like I knew him anymore.

His behavior changed. He began to use video games as an emotional outlet, and he would play them for thirteen hours or more. He would come home from work and go off on me if I even tried to touch him, hug him, or speak to him. He began texting people at all hours, and many of them were people I had never seen him text before. However he is very protective of his phone and privacy so I do not know what he said nor whom he was talking to all the time. If I spoke up for myself, tried to talk to him at all, or asked him to do something with me he would explode on me. Eventually he explained to me the severity of his depression and that he was pushing me away in order to protect me. He asked me to move out of his apartment, and now we don’t talk at all or see each other.

My greatest concern was the fact that he resorted to texting and talking to pretty much everyone else in his life but didn’t want to even communicate with me or be around me. I will admit that this made me very jealous and caused me to believe that he was cheating on me. I have been begging him to talk to me and see me, as recently as an hour ago. I fear that he is going to retreat from me more and more as I continue to try to get him to open up to me, and eventually break up with me.

I know that I want to stay with him, but I am mentally exhausted and all I want from him is to text me occasionally and see me in person maybe once a week. I worry about him and I worry about us as a couple. I do not know how to get him to talk to me at all or see me at all without setting him off again or causing him to just end things between us.

I apologize for the messiness of this message; I am extremely emotional and have no clue what to do anymore. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Depression is bad but i think your boyfriend is not being real with himself or you. Continue persisting to try and talk with him. You have to let him go if he continues to "leave him out" Let him see what he is doing to you. Its not good that the person closest to him is the one he is rejecting. It could be a sign that he is cheating on you, although this is speculation. It does seem that he is angry with you or angry at himself though. Think about it, why dos he stay in contact with everyone else but exclude you. It could be because feels he doesnt deserve you, and that he has no self esteem, that is a symptom of depression. The only way you can find out the truth is by talking to him and finding out for yourself.