Hi...New and spiralling
Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2020 6:45 am
Hi,
I am new here but I need somewhere I can talk where I don't annoy people with my "mood". I've had depression for as long as I can remember and self harmed since the age of 12 although the last incident was well over a 18months ago. I am, like many, in a s***ty lockdown and it's just making me feel awful. I feel like I am stuck in Groundhog Day and each day is like wading through treacle. I am so painfully bored and low. I just want to sleep and wake up when all this is over or not wake up at all!
I have a DS6 and a SS15 who is living with us full-time for the first time ever (he normally lives with his BM but she's a nurse and it's too dangerous). I love my DH very much but I am being a cr***y wife at the moment because I am always down, always crying.
I just feel so much pressure at the moment and guilt! Guilt that I have so much more than others yet I can't get my stupid head in the game. I work full time from home, I am also homeschooling the 2 boys and it feels like I am failing at all of it. I am like a zombie just plodding through the painful hours of the day, keeping everyone else fed, schooled, happy, entertained. I just want it all to end.
I am also aware that my "mood" is just dragging everyone down with me. Like a f**king black cloud.
I am new here but I need somewhere I can talk where I don't annoy people with my "mood". I've had depression for as long as I can remember and self harmed since the age of 12 although the last incident was well over a 18months ago. I am, like many, in a s***ty lockdown and it's just making me feel awful. I feel like I am stuck in Groundhog Day and each day is like wading through treacle. I am so painfully bored and low. I just want to sleep and wake up when all this is over or not wake up at all!
I have a DS6 and a SS15 who is living with us full-time for the first time ever (he normally lives with his BM but she's a nurse and it's too dangerous). I love my DH very much but I am being a cr***y wife at the moment because I am always down, always crying.
I just feel so much pressure at the moment and guilt! Guilt that I have so much more than others yet I can't get my stupid head in the game. I work full time from home, I am also homeschooling the 2 boys and it feels like I am failing at all of it. I am like a zombie just plodding through the painful hours of the day, keeping everyone else fed, schooled, happy, entertained. I just want it all to end.
I am also aware that my "mood" is just dragging everyone down with me. Like a f**king black cloud.