dead inside2
Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 12:54 pm
i'm just so empty and numb to everything.I feel like a sociopath sometimes. It's like my sadness has turned to a hollowness. Most of the time, its an like empty shell and at the same time its holding so many emotions that are on the verge of bursting. Sometimes though, it feels as if the shell holds a thousand pieces of glass that are wedged in between my soul and body, opening wounds that would never stop bleeding out. And that the scariest part of all this is that one second I could be someone , someone in pain and sadness. and somehow the next second, im a nobody and I don't seem to feel. I don't seem to exist at all.
what I hate about this is my self destruction or maybe they call it self sabotage. idek . but I seem to ruin everything. push away people. ruin friendships and relationships. My ability too not open up to anyone is makes me isolate my feelings and continuously lie. I could be in a room full of people yet feel so alone.
however somehow,anger is always there. an anger fueled by my desire to give up. im angry at myself for being so weak. for being so fragile. for being how I am. im angry at myself that im not scared of death but Im scared of living . im angry at myself for being such a goddamn mess.
the funny part about all this is noone realises. everyone is so guilable and stupid . im wiltering away and noone seems to realizes and soon it will be too late.
what I hate about this is my self destruction or maybe they call it self sabotage. idek . but I seem to ruin everything. push away people. ruin friendships and relationships. My ability too not open up to anyone is makes me isolate my feelings and continuously lie. I could be in a room full of people yet feel so alone.
however somehow,anger is always there. an anger fueled by my desire to give up. im angry at myself for being so weak. for being so fragile. for being how I am. im angry at myself that im not scared of death but Im scared of living . im angry at myself for being such a goddamn mess.
the funny part about all this is noone realises. everyone is so guilable and stupid . im wiltering away and noone seems to realizes and soon it will be too late.