Disgrace to Everyone

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elpapiravioli
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:09 pm
Location: South Korea

Disgrace to Everyone

Postby elpapiravioli » Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:57 pm

I've gone through depression for a really long time. I was diagnosed when I was in grade school and the more days that go on the worse it gets. It started with my dad. My dad lied to my entire family and cheated on my mom. He also used to verbally abuse me (he's in jail now for domestic charges from my step mother.) After that things slowly started to get better. But in September last year, he started trying to get custody of me for some reason (this was before he got into jail. he was jailed the day after thanksgiving.) He even tried to call the police on my mom for child abuse twice. Once in the middle of October after court and the other on Thanksgiving. The beginning of this year, things started to go downhill even more. January 3rd, me and my best friend got into a huge fight, a fight that I would in fact later regret. I was fine with it. I hung out with my friends at school like any other days. However, on the 11th, I was informed that she died. She committed suicide because of how much she was bullied. Something in me just sort of snapped. I began cutting myself, but I did it to my thighs because I knew no one would see. My 3 other friends found out about it and helped me through. But I learned another new thing. One of them has been cutting herself since summer, another did it once all the way across her arm, and the last one just did 3 marks. It made me feel like it was my fault for some reason. I can't exactly put my finger on it however. At this time now, I've stopped cutting because my mom found out.. I've been to rehab before and hated it, but my mom took me in for a doctors appointment anyways. Somehow, I'm not in rehab, but I don't know what to do. My entire friend group is sad all the time and one of them gets made at me for trying to make them less sad because she apparently "hates people who do that". I'm late to school almost everyday because I have no motivation to get out of bed and I feel like I can't tell anyone that I feel this way, especially because my school thinks people who have depression are just attention seekers. Some kids even make jokes about self harm and stuff.

Sorry that I'm rambling, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

j2415
Posts: 24
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Disgrace to Everyone

Postby j2415 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:22 am

Hi- Welcome to the forum!
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you will get better soon as you seek professional help, therapy will help you lot in what you are experiencing right now. Depression is treatable by counselling and some medications. Please don't give up and don't harm yourself. I have also a friend who was depressed for a year and she also said that getting up from the bed is truly a struggle. A support group has helped her to keep going and felt better, she is less lonely now. Try also to join a support group and I hope it will work for you too.

I pray that you will overcome and you will have the peace and strength to go on each day. Thank you for sharing and please keep us posted.


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