Hiya all. New here and I guess I should do this. I'm 24 and have been in a huge depression for a while now. I'm so tired of it and want to get out of it, but I'm too scared to do much. I found this forum searching for 24/7 Depression chats or something like that. When I'm not in a funk I enjoy watching tv, gaming, reading, Anime, Manga, art and spending time with my husband.
My life hasn't always been the greatest but I try hard to deal with it. I've been diagnosed with depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, Anxiety and I can't even remember everything. I have fears over the stupidest stuff and imagine and think things no normal person should ever think.
I'm here for support/someone to talk to/to find people to help.
Hiya
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
-
emmygirlie
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 6:14 pm
Hello,
I'm sorry you're going through this 'funk!' I too have fearful thoughts--things I have no business thinking! Will you elaborate more on the types of thoughts you have that may be linked to your depression/anxiety? Are they thoughts about things either happening to you or people you love? Paranoid fantasies you prefer not to entertain?! I may be able to understand!
What are you going through in your life?
I'm sorry you're going through this 'funk!' I too have fearful thoughts--things I have no business thinking! Will you elaborate more on the types of thoughts you have that may be linked to your depression/anxiety? Are they thoughts about things either happening to you or people you love? Paranoid fantasies you prefer not to entertain?! I may be able to understand!
What are you going through in your life?
-
BlueWhovian
- Posts: 22
- Joined: Thu Aug 01, 2013 6:18 am
Sorry if I ramble but I guess I'll try to explain.
I think the craziest stuff and things just stick in my head. I sit and my mind wanders to crazy scenarios like people cutting me with chainsaws or me cutting my own self. I see horrifying images from the internet and they stick with me for a while. I'm overweight and because of all the things people used to yell at me I'm ashamed of how I look and anytime I see anything dealing with weight it upsets me, I never thought I was that big, then I see myself in mirrors and it's like I'm looking at someone else. Some image someone posted from a horror movie of an overweight girl carving herself up scared me so badly and stuck with me for days and I kept imagining myself instead of the actress.
As far as things in my life, I deal with my mom telling me she wished I'd never been born because my grandma died when I was home with her at 14 and I couldn't save her cause 911 was busy when I called. I always had to fight to get her to notice me over my sister. I don't know why but that phrase always sticks in my head. My aunt talks about me to people and I'm not even there to defend myself, and the things people have yelled at me my whole life about being fat and how I'm going to die and it's my fault I have PCOS haunt me. I work out daily in panic attacks because every little cramp triggers "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE" in my brain.
Everyone has always blamed me for my problems and told me I make them up. My husband and I are stuck in a house that is falling apart and constantly having to try to get rid of bugs that were here when we moved in, things are broken and falling apart and our landlord never shows up when my husband is home even though we tell him his schedule. He only comes over or mows our lawn or fix things when I am home alone. I go into panic attacks or get depressed and have anxiety due to things he says. We've been without a car since March and people are rude enough to tell me "I haven't had a car in two years, you'll live". We're having to wait on someone who keeps making excuses to fix the car we've bought and put most of our money in. We've already been screwed over by his cousin, he started working on it, almost done, decides he's done all because his wife is rude and for no reason doesn't like my husband.
When we first got together my husband and I decided I could stay home and take care of everything there while he worked. We've given up so much and lost so much to people stealing our stuff for drug money. My husband had a friend who wanted to trash talk me to my husband and fight with me and claim that I don't have a job because I'm lazy. Thanks to this I feel guilty. I just don't want a job, dealing with people is not something I want to do, I don't want a meaningless fast food job, I am physically unable to stand for long amounts of time sometimes and am always in pain and doctors ignore me when I bring it up. I rarely ask for anything and when given money to get what I want or gifts I buy things then end up crying and saying I shouldn't have bought it or say that I don't know why I'm crying.
I think the craziest stuff and things just stick in my head. I sit and my mind wanders to crazy scenarios like people cutting me with chainsaws or me cutting my own self. I see horrifying images from the internet and they stick with me for a while. I'm overweight and because of all the things people used to yell at me I'm ashamed of how I look and anytime I see anything dealing with weight it upsets me, I never thought I was that big, then I see myself in mirrors and it's like I'm looking at someone else. Some image someone posted from a horror movie of an overweight girl carving herself up scared me so badly and stuck with me for days and I kept imagining myself instead of the actress.
As far as things in my life, I deal with my mom telling me she wished I'd never been born because my grandma died when I was home with her at 14 and I couldn't save her cause 911 was busy when I called. I always had to fight to get her to notice me over my sister. I don't know why but that phrase always sticks in my head. My aunt talks about me to people and I'm not even there to defend myself, and the things people have yelled at me my whole life about being fat and how I'm going to die and it's my fault I have PCOS haunt me. I work out daily in panic attacks because every little cramp triggers "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE" in my brain.
Everyone has always blamed me for my problems and told me I make them up. My husband and I are stuck in a house that is falling apart and constantly having to try to get rid of bugs that were here when we moved in, things are broken and falling apart and our landlord never shows up when my husband is home even though we tell him his schedule. He only comes over or mows our lawn or fix things when I am home alone. I go into panic attacks or get depressed and have anxiety due to things he says. We've been without a car since March and people are rude enough to tell me "I haven't had a car in two years, you'll live". We're having to wait on someone who keeps making excuses to fix the car we've bought and put most of our money in. We've already been screwed over by his cousin, he started working on it, almost done, decides he's done all because his wife is rude and for no reason doesn't like my husband.
When we first got together my husband and I decided I could stay home and take care of everything there while he worked. We've given up so much and lost so much to people stealing our stuff for drug money. My husband had a friend who wanted to trash talk me to my husband and fight with me and claim that I don't have a job because I'm lazy. Thanks to this I feel guilty. I just don't want a job, dealing with people is not something I want to do, I don't want a meaningless fast food job, I am physically unable to stand for long amounts of time sometimes and am always in pain and doctors ignore me when I bring it up. I rarely ask for anything and when given money to get what I want or gifts I buy things then end up crying and saying I shouldn't have bought it or say that I don't know why I'm crying.
Thank you for posting. I love your handle!
You are not alone - others are here listening and caring. I am afraid that I don't have any easy answers to your problems, but I can relate to many of them. You did not ask for any of this and you do not deserve to be treated like this.
All I feel able to do some times is to take baby steps, chipping away at tiny parts of a proble. It's amazing how small efforts can add up to something big over time.
You are not alone - others are here listening and caring. I am afraid that I don't have any easy answers to your problems, but I can relate to many of them. You did not ask for any of this and you do not deserve to be treated like this.
All I feel able to do some times is to take baby steps, chipping away at tiny parts of a proble. It's amazing how small efforts can add up to something big over time.
Hey, before I forget! What is PCOS?
Also, scrabble is correct. The way you've been treated is a buncha B.S. And you need to see it as such...Don't blame yourself for the foolishness of other people's actions/words! I hurt for you--knowing that some of your self-esteem issues are derived from what others think and say. Believe it or not, You're worth more than their opinions. Logically, you might know this. But please take this and lock it away in your heart. You are a creation your Maker sees fit to be walking this earth Your weight isn't important. I've see people of ALL sizes, and I've seen beautiful and not so beautiful in each.
Also, scrabble is correct. The way you've been treated is a buncha B.S. And you need to see it as such...Don't blame yourself for the foolishness of other people's actions/words! I hurt for you--knowing that some of your self-esteem issues are derived from what others think and say. Believe it or not, You're worth more than their opinions. Logically, you might know this. But please take this and lock it away in your heart. You are a creation your Maker sees fit to be walking this earth Your weight isn't important. I've see people of ALL sizes, and I've seen beautiful and not so beautiful in each.
Return to “New Member Introductions”
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 469 guests