Time and time again

[AndreaCoe]

It seems like im whirling in a never ending Pattern, depressed, get yelled at, clean, cry, depressed ect,

I dont quite understand why i have been chosen to get this dumped on me, but in 2 weeks i half to choose between my parents who to live with,
I guess it will come to my but i wish i could hate my mom so i could do the right thing and live with my dad. i know there i will be happy for Kevin [my stepdad] will not be there.

I'd also see my grandmother more and my siblings frow up. But looking threw the window as it rains i feel cold and bitter inside. is this my fault? mabey if i was a little stronger i could take kevins screaming but sadly it takes a emotional effect on me and im stuck chooseing parents.

My mom wonders why im doing poorly in school? mabey its because i cant have 2 seconds alone to do my homework without kevin starting in his "moods" once in his "mood" he dosnt go out of it untill the next day just to whirl back into it again. I guess he likes humiliating me or yelling.

My grandma just says he is a bully yet she cant ttalkk to my mom about it she has no guts. i have begged and begged again my mom to understand and i have told her all these things but its like she is blind and cant see it. i dont know what to do i am feeling helpless. :[