Depression and Anxiety/ How I got to where I'm at.

[Hanging On]

Its really hard to pinpoint just how I came to have Major Depression, and Anxiety. It may have started at a young age of twelve with the constant molestation from an Uncle that lived with us to help with rent and do odd jobs because we were to poor to make rent and have something to put on the table at the same time. Yes I would have to say that the way I buried that memory for more than 28 years may have something to do with my Depression. The fact that I was an Army Brat never staying in one location long enough to develop any long lasting friendships, may have added to the situation. MoM and Dad divorcing when I was nine years old and never seeing him again for another eleven years, yea maybe. Being bullied in every school I ever attended all the way through high school may have added to it. Losing my closest friend in a tragic car accident when we were only 17, I would think could count for some of my problems. Having a horrific car accident myself that left me with life long facial scars, memory loss, and headaches. I have been told by two Physiatrist that it was not any one of these things.....but the combination of all of them that finally led me to where I am now. I do not tell you these things to get your sympathy however I tell them to let you know what I have gone through to be considered crazy by my so called friends and family, and shunned by anyone else that finds out about my affliction, with the exception of those that are going through the same hell I have been going through for most of my life. My latest blow, being fired from a job that I had worked at for almost 30 years due to the fact that I had a slight problem with absenteeism. Imagine that. Someone that has to force themselves to get out of bed every morning and face another day in a world in which they did not want to be in having a absentee problem. Well as you can imagine this set me back quite a bit. I found myself back in a Mental Hospital on suicide watch. Somewhere I had been before. I was weaned off of all of the Antidepressants I was on and the Anxiety pills I was taking and naturally my system crashed. Introduced to newer drugs I stayed in that Mental Hospital for almost 4 weeks. Things I had already been through on several occasions. Group therapy, coping skills, new thought processes, meeting with a therapist every day, and receiving my meds at controlled intervals. My only escape,....smoke breaks! Released after almost 4 weeks. I was in no way capable of doing anything or making any decisions for myself. It has taken me another two years to get to the point where I feel like I can finally be alone and can control the panic attacks that have plagued me for over ten years. Relaxation therapy, klonopin for anxiety and Lunesta for sleep deprivation, are my major alies, Not to mention the 400mg of antidepressants I take daily. Well that's basically how I got to where I am now. Am I on a road to a better place in life, I like to think so, its just that when I look ahead I can see the jagged steep ledge road that goes almost straight up. Well I'm going to tighten up my boot straps and start climbing because I'm not done yet.
I'm still Hanging On.

[Mich]

Hanging On - You've been through so much tragedy. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all that....very painful stuff. It is good to read that you are still climbing and hanging on. You will find lots of support here as you go through your journey.

[shatteredhopes]

I was watching a program on mental health on the public television, and they said almost all the women in prison had been abused at some point. There is a direct correlation from what I have seen between tragedy, extreme suffering, and mental illness. Yes, some are just born that way. But most of us suffered some major tragedy, abuse, hurt...At least we ended up the mental health route rather than prison! That is some comfort to me.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We care and will be here for you. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you are finding at least a little relief with your meds and therapy. Take care, and wishing you peace...

[xn728]

hanging on ,i hope your feeling ok my freind ,i havent been so good but your absence has been noticed ,if your at a low point ,let me carry you a while ,till your strength returns ,,,hope to see you post soon ,,,,,ken