why im deppressed ?/goodnight

[xn728]

Thought about it a lot after my little outburst ,but didnt find anything out
depression takes us at any stage in life ,male female old young ,it takes us if we have lost a loved one ,and cant recover ,or losing a partner in a break up ,some people suffer because there in debt or just have no money ,others because there lonely ,or cant cope with life ,and like myself there are those who for what ever reason created there own suffering ,and then the poor souls who depression comes by the hand of a bad person ,abuser what ever,many reasons .we came together here and
try and give support and look for support when we need it ,how did we get here ,how many people are making this journey and have missed this place and fallen by the wayside ,how many of us will get better ,how many will just survive ,how many will grow strong and feel better in the fact they have made a differance here ,no matter how you feel now ,can you see how strong this terrible illness has made you ,it drags you down everyday ,but you still go on ,listen even getting on line is a step in the right direction ,how many of you feel the pain i feel ,when i read your posts ,i want to thump the wall in anger ,because my freinds are suffering
your not gonna tell me that its just me who feels this way ,surely not
its so strong i dont wanna come here ,not because i dont care ,but because im frustrated i cant do more ,i try and look and think why do i dread the next day coming so much ,and do you know ,i cant pinpoint any single reason not one ,its not the fire all those years ago ,thats something i pay for every day i know that ,but the overwhelming sense of doom i carry with me everyday ,cant think why ,if someone said point it out and well take it away ,i wouldent be able to find it ,the ptsd is due to the fire also ,replays in my head feelings of guilt ,but the depression overwhelming me ,no cant reach out and touch it ,i wonder if you think about this if its differant for you ,differant circumstances i suppose ,but it was just a thought ,how can anyone fix something when they cant find out whats wrong ,we all write when were down and say we,ll i wanted to do this ,but i only managed to get so and so done ,at least we got something done ,this is an illness ,if you were on crutches or in a wheel chair ,people
would be throwing help at you by the bucket load ,but because they cant see it your ok ,dont pull yourself down and say im worthless and knowone
cares ,for those of you who have loved one around you ,they do care but dont forget they may be finding it hard to understand to ,they still love you ,maybe they dont know what to say just now ,its hard to watch a loved one suffer so much and not be able to help ,myself and fran i lay awake at night while she sleeps i see her lungs fighting for that breath that comes to me so easily ,this is so very upsetting ,so maybe the fact that your loved ones seem like they dont love you is they feel akward
and dont know what to say for the best ,and those of you who are alone i cant imageine what this must feel like you know, but you have freinds here ,and you my have split from a partner ,but somethings gonna happen for you one day ,and this will have been a lesson that will make you wiser ,how can you ever be alone one you have found the tresures on this forum ,you all say you feel worthless ,but you say such wonderful things in your post ,we are all the same here equals ,links in a strong chain and we will grow stronger day by day ,week by week ,,,,,this would be a lonely place without each and everyone of us ,never forget that
i am nothing if i stand alone ,but when i stand in here i feel a part of something very big ,,,,,,,,,,,ken xn728 goodnight my dear freinds
i hope tommorrow is less painful for all of us ,,night onika warmie girl

[shatteredhopes]

Dearest ((Ken)) your post has much insight and you are so kind and compassionate to everyone here. If we can boost each other when we cannot boost ourselves, and help each other accomplish what seems monumental tasks like washing our hair or venturing out in public when depressed, then that is HUGE. I don't know the details of the fire, but I don't believe you deserve to continue to suffer. None of us deserves this awful disease! We have to learn to forgive ourselves and I have to learn to forgive those who harmed me. Its a process. But it will lighten our load if we don't beat ourselves up so much. Everyone makes mistakes and does wrong things, but it is never too late to turn ourselves around and try to do good.

There was a man who founded a California gang that committed murders and horrible acts. He was sentenced to die for crimes which he may not have committed, but he had certainly committed others. Do you know what he did in prison until he died? He wrote children's books and reached out to youth to discourage violence and getting involved in gangs. He was nominated for the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE for his efforts.

Redemption is possible. You redeem yourself every day you struggle with this illness but still post encouraging, caring, supportive words to others. You redeem yourself by being a loving husband to Fran and loving father. You are helping others here, even though you feel you don't deserve help, you do. You deserve to heal.

Forgive yourself Ken. Forgive yourself. It may not take the depression away, but it will lighten your load a bit. As Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better." You would not repeat your mistakes but there are no do overs...we just have to learn from mistakes as best we can, own up to our responsibility and apologize and make amends the best we can, and move on...Please forgive yourself.

Sending brotherly love your way and thoughts of peace...

[Mich]

Always such wise words from Ken and shatteredhopes.

I agree with you Ken. I think that my husband just doesn't know what to do to help me. And to be honest, I don't really know what I want him to do either. It is hard to see the people suffering here and not be able to do more to help them. My husband must have the same frustration. I guess I shouldn't interpret is as "not caring."

The strong chain here gives me strength and the push that I need to sometimes do things out of my comfort zone. I am so grateful for everyone's support.