Depression Understood Forums

So I moved to a new area recently for a job. I don’t know anyone in the area and have been struggling to make new connections. I started dating shortly after getting settled in and had a traumatic experience with a very emotionally abusive girlfriend. That relationship was on and off for over a year. When it was ending my sister was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer and was put on hospice. No surprise when the abusive girlfriend said I wasn’t meeting her needs anymore and left me. My sister shortly after passed away.

During my grieving I met a new woman who was amazing she treated me with so much care. I was scared getting into a new relationship but knew I wanted to be with her so I went for it. I had almost ptsd from my previous relationship, I was closed off and guarded. I told her it would take time but I just need to experience that trust with her. Well she ended up leaving me too, said I wasn’t letting her be my girlfriend like she wanted (I guess I was still closed off). Now it’s been a week since she dumped me and I have been crying everyday and thought about suicide each day too. I feel alone, my friends and family just tell me to give it time and I’ll heal. But this isn’t healing even a little yet, feels just like day 1 of this hell.