Hi,
I also like the sound of the rain. It is so relaxing. Often when I go in stores and they have the displays of the fountains I am very tempted to buy one. Unfortunately my space is rather limited so it isn't practical for me to get one of them until I have a place of my own.
I lived on the farm for many years, and I can remember one time in particular sitting in an uncles living room and listening to the rain and Uncle Fred said "just sit there and listen to that million dollar rain" (the area was very dry where we farmed, so rain was usually welcome).
In regards to the numbers thing. I always wanted to go to university but it didn't turn out possible, money wise. It turned out kind of funny because I would have gone into the college of commerce. Love playing with numbers.
I never did end up going but my daughter attended the same university I would have and graduated with great distinction. You guessed right if you figured that she was in the college of commerce and now has her CA designation.
It' funny how life works out. Doubt that I would have been able to receive the designation of Chartered Accountant. It is a result of her passing one of the most rigorous sets of professional exams, in the world. Maybe though.........
Both of my kids are good kids. Very proud of them both.
Me & my story
Moderators: windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
Hi Aim
I would absolutely LLLOOOOOVVVEEEEE to be a Social Worker.
When I was at school Uni was never mentioned or never came into the conversation. I went to College and got 2 A Levels and Secretarial Skills. I persuaded my first employment to let me do Accoutancy but have never finished due to moving job and even though the new company said I could continue my study they changed there mind when I was due to start my last year.
Now that I have a mortgage and thinking of starting a family I feel like I have missed my oportunity to find out what I would really love to do and what would really suit me.
I have always loved the idea of Social Work, probably due to my past and my experiences, I feel that this would make me a better candidate to try and help others.
What makes you want to move over here, I'm desperate to get out!!!!!
I would love to move to Australia or New Zealand.
I would absolutely LLLOOOOOVVVEEEEE to be a Social Worker.
When I was at school Uni was never mentioned or never came into the conversation. I went to College and got 2 A Levels and Secretarial Skills. I persuaded my first employment to let me do Accoutancy but have never finished due to moving job and even though the new company said I could continue my study they changed there mind when I was due to start my last year.
Now that I have a mortgage and thinking of starting a family I feel like I have missed my oportunity to find out what I would really love to do and what would really suit me.
I have always loved the idea of Social Work, probably due to my past and my experiences, I feel that this would make me a better candidate to try and help others.
What makes you want to move over here, I'm desperate to get out!!!!!
I would love to move to Australia or New Zealand.
Hi Haitch...
Would love to be a social worker, huh? I guess I could say - what makes you want to do that? I would love to get out!!
Just kidding. Seriously though, it is a very difficult, life-consuming, and emotionally exhausting job, and it does not get any easier. I'm sure with your past experiences you would be wonderful at it. It does have it's rewarding moments, but their just don't seem to be enough of those moments for me anymore. There are some that are built for this job, but I'm beginning to think it's just not for me. What do I do though? Find a completely new career? I don't know what to do... I've actually often thought about doing administrative assistant work. Not as much pressure, I think. Dealing with human beings lives is very intense... dealing with verbal abuse from adults is hurtful, and dealing with the legal system is absolutely overwhelming sometimes... eh. Maybe I'm just getting burned out-I did have a pretty bad day today. I've also had a few very difficult cases in the past couple of months - don't listen to me, Haitch. If social work is something you really want to do, there is nothing that should stop you, ok? Some people I work with ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Please do pursue it if you feel passionately about it.
As for the possibility of me moving to England? Let's just say... its about a boy...
Would love to be a social worker, huh? I guess I could say - what makes you want to do that? I would love to get out!!
Just kidding. Seriously though, it is a very difficult, life-consuming, and emotionally exhausting job, and it does not get any easier. I'm sure with your past experiences you would be wonderful at it. It does have it's rewarding moments, but their just don't seem to be enough of those moments for me anymore. There are some that are built for this job, but I'm beginning to think it's just not for me. What do I do though? Find a completely new career? I don't know what to do... I've actually often thought about doing administrative assistant work. Not as much pressure, I think. Dealing with human beings lives is very intense... dealing with verbal abuse from adults is hurtful, and dealing with the legal system is absolutely overwhelming sometimes... eh. Maybe I'm just getting burned out-I did have a pretty bad day today. I've also had a few very difficult cases in the past couple of months - don't listen to me, Haitch. If social work is something you really want to do, there is nothing that should stop you, ok? Some people I work with ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Please do pursue it if you feel passionately about it.
As for the possibility of me moving to England? Let's just say... its about a boy...
Arrrgggghhh, A Boy!!!!!!!! Well I will let you off then.
The reason I'm not moving to Oz or NewZ is because of a boy!!! Well, my husband, he is not as keen as I!!!!!!!
I know Social Work would be tough but I would just love to do a job that I could go home at the end of the day and feel like I have made a difference!!!!!!!
Maybe we should swop, you have done your fair share of making a difference, you now need a chilled out relaxing job!!!!!
Where abouts in the UK?
The reason I'm not moving to Oz or NewZ is because of a boy!!! Well, my husband, he is not as keen as I!!!!!!!
I know Social Work would be tough but I would just love to do a job that I could go home at the end of the day and feel like I have made a difference!!!!!!!
Maybe we should swop, you have done your fair share of making a difference, you now need a chilled out relaxing job!!!!!
Where abouts in the UK?
Yes, this boy is worth the move! When he becomes my husband, then we have to decide where to live... here in America or in the UK. It would be the beautiful southwest of England - what a lovely countryside you have there!
Sometimes I feel like I'm making a difference, sometimes the verbal abuse is just too much to handle, and makes me feel like I'm making no difference at all. But as I said, I'm burned out! I do need a chilled out job, Haitch. Swapping sounds like a good idea!
Why doesn't your husband want to move?
Sometimes I feel like I'm making a difference, sometimes the verbal abuse is just too much to handle, and makes me feel like I'm making no difference at all. But as I said, I'm burned out! I do need a chilled out job, Haitch. Swapping sounds like a good idea!
Why doesn't your husband want to move?
Just to put my two cents worth in.
I have mentioned before that I didn't get the chance to go to university. If possible, I would have gone into the college of commerce. Talk about living vicariously through your kids, my daughter is a Chartered Accountant.
I have the greatest of admiration for Social Workers. After being in "the system" for more than 20 years, I have seen a lot of them. Looking back there was only one that,I fired, otherwise they were all very compassionate, caring women.
With all that pressure I can understand why many of the ones that I saw, ended up on stress leave for at least some part of their professional career. Takes special people to be good at it, and I am sure that you are.
Hat's off to you Amy.
I have mentioned before that I didn't get the chance to go to university. If possible, I would have gone into the college of commerce. Talk about living vicariously through your kids, my daughter is a Chartered Accountant.
I have the greatest of admiration for Social Workers. After being in "the system" for more than 20 years, I have seen a lot of them. Looking back there was only one that,I fired, otherwise they were all very compassionate, caring women.
With all that pressure I can understand why many of the ones that I saw, ended up on stress leave for at least some part of their professional career. Takes special people to be good at it, and I am sure that you are.
Hat's off to you Amy.
Amy-
What verbal abuse? Do you monitor other forums? It can't be from this one. Give me their number and I'll flame them for you. You wonder what else you could do if you weren't doing that - well dear, you are an absolutely prime candidate for sales. I was in sales and customer service for 35 years, and someone who listens, can relate to her customer, is patient like you, is perfect for sales. The trick with sales is listening. Just listen to what they want, then go find it for them. You are already an expert at this. You would be in a much funner place, as long as you don't work for a high commission against others, and you get to talk to interesting people, Ali McGraw was one of my best customers and Brian Keith and a bunch of other movie stars. They're all pretty nice; just regular people, but I have to tell you, if you see Shirly McLaine coming your way, run! Yowza! What a BI---! Anyway, give it some thought. You'd be really good at it.
Monty-
What job did you have that you worked with social workers? That may be a HUGE contrubutor to your depression. I'm really nosy sometimes. If you don't want to answer, just let me know.
Oh Monty, you can't hate yourself - just the tiny bit I know about you, you have so many good things behind you! You are very intellegent, can write well, have done really well with your kids, and are a major pillar of support in this hous ---no, home of ours. Unless you got a hammer and whanged your hand with it, you shouldn't hate yourself at all. No no no, you have nothing to hate.
WE love you anyway. KEN!!!! Tell her!!
Hi Haitch-
Haven't talked to you much. You actually sound pretty happy and up. That's great ! We love that! Where are you exactly, that you want to get out? And why?
On to the next catagory.
a5
What verbal abuse? Do you monitor other forums? It can't be from this one. Give me their number and I'll flame them for you. You wonder what else you could do if you weren't doing that - well dear, you are an absolutely prime candidate for sales. I was in sales and customer service for 35 years, and someone who listens, can relate to her customer, is patient like you, is perfect for sales. The trick with sales is listening. Just listen to what they want, then go find it for them. You are already an expert at this. You would be in a much funner place, as long as you don't work for a high commission against others, and you get to talk to interesting people, Ali McGraw was one of my best customers and Brian Keith and a bunch of other movie stars. They're all pretty nice; just regular people, but I have to tell you, if you see Shirly McLaine coming your way, run! Yowza! What a BI---! Anyway, give it some thought. You'd be really good at it.
Monty-
What job did you have that you worked with social workers? That may be a HUGE contrubutor to your depression. I'm really nosy sometimes. If you don't want to answer, just let me know.
Oh Monty, you can't hate yourself - just the tiny bit I know about you, you have so many good things behind you! You are very intellegent, can write well, have done really well with your kids, and are a major pillar of support in this hous ---no, home of ours. Unless you got a hammer and whanged your hand with it, you shouldn't hate yourself at all. No no no, you have nothing to hate.
WE love you anyway. KEN!!!! Tell her!!
Hi Haitch-
Haven't talked to you much. You actually sound pretty happy and up. That's great ! We love that! Where are you exactly, that you want to get out? And why?
On to the next catagory.
a5
My part of being in the "system" is as a consumer. It is the polite way that they say that I have accessed the mental health resources in our local health care system for many years.
If you get right down to it, I haven't worked since 1982. That is on paper. I left my job in the city, contributed to working on a farm (in my kid's dad's family) for 27 years, and wasn't paid a dime. That is what I get for living in a small town, in a very patriarchal (need to have a dictionary of my own) society.
Now if you get down to the real truth. I worked my butt off, doing as much as I could to help to make things go well (often to the detriment of my mental health) and now am regarded as the evil ex-daughter-in-law.
You can't tell by reading what I just wrote, but it is a situation that makes me so angry that I practically put my fingers through the keyboard when typing.
I am now out of that situation, but still frosts me.
a5, the self-loathing is very firmly ingrained in my head. I have family, and good friends that love and care for me, but that doesn't seem to make any difference. I can't seem to shake the feeling. It has been reinforced pretty well every day of my life, for a long time by others, and then I got that I could do it better than anyone else could do for me.
Being a part of this forum, is kind of like I have adopted all of you as part of my family. My biological family, well a lot of them I am not too fond of, as well as my in-laws.
You guys I chose.
If you get right down to it, I haven't worked since 1982. That is on paper. I left my job in the city, contributed to working on a farm (in my kid's dad's family) for 27 years, and wasn't paid a dime. That is what I get for living in a small town, in a very patriarchal (need to have a dictionary of my own) society.
Now if you get down to the real truth. I worked my butt off, doing as much as I could to help to make things go well (often to the detriment of my mental health) and now am regarded as the evil ex-daughter-in-law.
You can't tell by reading what I just wrote, but it is a situation that makes me so angry that I practically put my fingers through the keyboard when typing.
I am now out of that situation, but still frosts me.
a5, the self-loathing is very firmly ingrained in my head. I have family, and good friends that love and care for me, but that doesn't seem to make any difference. I can't seem to shake the feeling. It has been reinforced pretty well every day of my life, for a long time by others, and then I got that I could do it better than anyone else could do for me.
Being a part of this forum, is kind of like I have adopted all of you as part of my family. My biological family, well a lot of them I am not too fond of, as well as my in-laws.
You guys I chose.
Monty-
I can understand that. I had a 10 year relationship with a man that made me feel that way, and now that I am 100% dependent on Brad, I feel worthless a lot of the time. That and my body is falling apart to the degree that even just walking is hard. Here's the rundown:
My back has the two vertebrae T12 and L1, that are fusing. There is a big blob of calcification on the inner side of them, toward the inside of my body, and as one of those neurologists put it, nowhere near the spinal cord, so I shouldn't be feeling any pinched nerves. BUT I DO FEEL THEM YOU MORON, WHY DO YOU THINK I'M IN HERE? He told me about the only operation they could do, it is very invasive, and is only 60% successful.
Besides that, my spine is curved, one leg is longer, and I have scoliosis. So it is abnorimally curved from side to side as well as front to back. It is impossible to bend over, raise my arms, push or pull on something, or pick something up, (even my smallest cat) without considerable pain. All. The. Time.
I also have foraminal stenosis. Basically it is calcifying around the nerve trunk to my arm, so my right arm hurts like he-- sometimes.
Then I have bursitis in my right shoulder. Maybe that is what hurts. A cortisone shot every 3 months works wonders. But since I'm right handed, it hurts all the time, typing is hard, but this is because the shot is wearing off and it's time for another. But see, you can only have about 3 or 4 of these shots a year. Something about hormones being bad for you.
Next is my knees. Both arthritic. Under the kneecaps, so the ligaments scrape back and forth across sandpaper. Also, the menisci are torn, about 3 of them I think he said, and I am a good candidate for a new knee. Daddy got both of his replaced, but he was in his late 70s. My knees are so bad that getting up out of a chair is REALLY painful, and when I asked the doc if there was anything he could do, he suggested a cortizone shot. I said ok. There was a problem though. My knee at that point was very inflamed and swollen and painful enough to keep it at the front of my thoughts all the time, so when he stuck the needle right into the middle of the worst part, I screamed. Loud. Never done that before. Before he did it, I looked at the door to the examining room and thought to myself, he should close that because I might make a little noise. The shot in the arm I got only elicited a loud moan. But this was pain only comparable to post-surgical pain and wowee, when I finally was able to walk out of there, everybody in the waiting area was dead silent and just stared at me like I was the very incarnation of pain. I have to say, I over-exagerate alot, but I am not here at all. The shot worked perfectly for 3 or so months, and at the time I thought I would never go through that again, but now I am getting immobile, can barely ride in a car, getting up out of the car is a long painful process involving finding places to grab and pull that don't hurt my arm, and getting up without torturing my back.
This goes on all day, every day. I take oxycodone and muscle relaxers for it, they help, but I need a real fix. As soon as I can get Social Security to approve me, which is 3 years of humiliating begging and filling out questionaires, I can see about laser surgery. We have medical insurance, but right now, I don't even have enough money for the co-pay. We expect some money in November, so it's just shots til then.
I had a hearing with a judge the other day, and that is supposidly the last step to approval, so I should see in a week or so. Brad is fully approved, but it's only 800.00 a month, and in this area is enough to rent a garage. But if I get approved we should be ok.
The thing is that his cancer is going to get worse, and I have to be able to take care of him. Right now, when he needs help walking, which isn't often, I can do it, but just barely. I'm never letting him go to the hospital, he will be home with me, in my arms, when he dies. I expect to follow soon after, unless somehow I am not homeless with zero money. We had no life insurance. We were in our early 50s, he was at the height of his health, and we were financially - because of him solely - well off. Then he was diagnosed with incurable, inoperable, terminal prostate cancer about 3 years ago. The treatment that saved his life - six more months he would've been dead- is an antiandrogen. It removes the testosterone from his body. So the first thing that happens, is he feels like he's got a horrible flu, then his libido is gone, and for him, that was like losing a major body part, and then, he started getting full-body rheumatoid arthritis. It is now in almost every part of his body, and he also gets very sharp, sustained, acute pains in his feet. He says it is like stepping on a nail and having it go all the way through.
I will tell you later of the other things that come with his cancer, but the worst part by far was finding out we would be separated. And he had always been terrified he'd die of a wasting disease. This is the sweetest, gentlest, finest man on earth mind you, so why couldn't it have happed to someone who deserved it? I will go into that later too.
Oh, and I forgot to mention my fibromyalgia. It gives me full body pain as if all my connective tissue is inflamed, terrible muscle soreness, shooting pain in my long bones that can last for minutes, and exaustion. More on that later. (I feel like I'm walking on thin ice here. I know I'm going to hit the wrong key and wipe out this whole letter)
So basically, we are both completely disabled, have almost no income, and are young. All this happened to my parents too, but they were really old. The scope of the tragedy that is my darling being taken from me is incalculatable.
I'm going to stop. I really don't want to lose this.
a5
I can understand that. I had a 10 year relationship with a man that made me feel that way, and now that I am 100% dependent on Brad, I feel worthless a lot of the time. That and my body is falling apart to the degree that even just walking is hard. Here's the rundown:
My back has the two vertebrae T12 and L1, that are fusing. There is a big blob of calcification on the inner side of them, toward the inside of my body, and as one of those neurologists put it, nowhere near the spinal cord, so I shouldn't be feeling any pinched nerves. BUT I DO FEEL THEM YOU MORON, WHY DO YOU THINK I'M IN HERE? He told me about the only operation they could do, it is very invasive, and is only 60% successful.
Besides that, my spine is curved, one leg is longer, and I have scoliosis. So it is abnorimally curved from side to side as well as front to back. It is impossible to bend over, raise my arms, push or pull on something, or pick something up, (even my smallest cat) without considerable pain. All. The. Time.
I also have foraminal stenosis. Basically it is calcifying around the nerve trunk to my arm, so my right arm hurts like he-- sometimes.
Then I have bursitis in my right shoulder. Maybe that is what hurts. A cortisone shot every 3 months works wonders. But since I'm right handed, it hurts all the time, typing is hard, but this is because the shot is wearing off and it's time for another. But see, you can only have about 3 or 4 of these shots a year. Something about hormones being bad for you.
Next is my knees. Both arthritic. Under the kneecaps, so the ligaments scrape back and forth across sandpaper. Also, the menisci are torn, about 3 of them I think he said, and I am a good candidate for a new knee. Daddy got both of his replaced, but he was in his late 70s. My knees are so bad that getting up out of a chair is REALLY painful, and when I asked the doc if there was anything he could do, he suggested a cortizone shot. I said ok. There was a problem though. My knee at that point was very inflamed and swollen and painful enough to keep it at the front of my thoughts all the time, so when he stuck the needle right into the middle of the worst part, I screamed. Loud. Never done that before. Before he did it, I looked at the door to the examining room and thought to myself, he should close that because I might make a little noise. The shot in the arm I got only elicited a loud moan. But this was pain only comparable to post-surgical pain and wowee, when I finally was able to walk out of there, everybody in the waiting area was dead silent and just stared at me like I was the very incarnation of pain. I have to say, I over-exagerate alot, but I am not here at all. The shot worked perfectly for 3 or so months, and at the time I thought I would never go through that again, but now I am getting immobile, can barely ride in a car, getting up out of the car is a long painful process involving finding places to grab and pull that don't hurt my arm, and getting up without torturing my back.
This goes on all day, every day. I take oxycodone and muscle relaxers for it, they help, but I need a real fix. As soon as I can get Social Security to approve me, which is 3 years of humiliating begging and filling out questionaires, I can see about laser surgery. We have medical insurance, but right now, I don't even have enough money for the co-pay. We expect some money in November, so it's just shots til then.
I had a hearing with a judge the other day, and that is supposidly the last step to approval, so I should see in a week or so. Brad is fully approved, but it's only 800.00 a month, and in this area is enough to rent a garage. But if I get approved we should be ok.
The thing is that his cancer is going to get worse, and I have to be able to take care of him. Right now, when he needs help walking, which isn't often, I can do it, but just barely. I'm never letting him go to the hospital, he will be home with me, in my arms, when he dies. I expect to follow soon after, unless somehow I am not homeless with zero money. We had no life insurance. We were in our early 50s, he was at the height of his health, and we were financially - because of him solely - well off. Then he was diagnosed with incurable, inoperable, terminal prostate cancer about 3 years ago. The treatment that saved his life - six more months he would've been dead- is an antiandrogen. It removes the testosterone from his body. So the first thing that happens, is he feels like he's got a horrible flu, then his libido is gone, and for him, that was like losing a major body part, and then, he started getting full-body rheumatoid arthritis. It is now in almost every part of his body, and he also gets very sharp, sustained, acute pains in his feet. He says it is like stepping on a nail and having it go all the way through.
I will tell you later of the other things that come with his cancer, but the worst part by far was finding out we would be separated. And he had always been terrified he'd die of a wasting disease. This is the sweetest, gentlest, finest man on earth mind you, so why couldn't it have happed to someone who deserved it? I will go into that later too.
Oh, and I forgot to mention my fibromyalgia. It gives me full body pain as if all my connective tissue is inflamed, terrible muscle soreness, shooting pain in my long bones that can last for minutes, and exaustion. More on that later. (I feel like I'm walking on thin ice here. I know I'm going to hit the wrong key and wipe out this whole letter)
So basically, we are both completely disabled, have almost no income, and are young. All this happened to my parents too, but they were really old. The scope of the tragedy that is my darling being taken from me is incalculatable.
I'm going to stop. I really don't want to lose this.
a5
Monty-
I get too confused. It took me ten minutes to find that letter I just wrote - on page two, looking in Your Last Posts just puts you in the general area, not on the actual post. So from now on I'll be at Your Story, Aurelia's hijacked topic.
Check your private box.
Amy-
I figured out how I'm losing letters. One way anyway. When I miss the backspace key because I'm typing too fast I think I hit f-11 or something above it. But it sometimes gets lost in the process of sending it. Who knows. I'm just going to stay in my new topic. Visit me there. Or I'll miss you. Really bad.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ken-
Are you there? Are you ok? You're not still on the lithium are you? That mix will make you sick. Are you alright? I miss you! Where are you?!?
Write to me at my new home - Aurelia's hijacked topic, in Your Story.
I get too confused. It took me ten minutes to find that letter I just wrote - on page two, looking in Your Last Posts just puts you in the general area, not on the actual post. So from now on I'll be at Your Story, Aurelia's hijacked topic.
Check your private box.
Amy-
I figured out how I'm losing letters. One way anyway. When I miss the backspace key because I'm typing too fast I think I hit f-11 or something above it. But it sometimes gets lost in the process of sending it. Who knows. I'm just going to stay in my new topic. Visit me there. Or I'll miss you. Really bad.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ken-
Are you there? Are you ok? You're not still on the lithium are you? That mix will make you sick. Are you alright? I miss you! Where are you?!?
Write to me at my new home - Aurelia's hijacked topic, in Your Story.
a5,
I can't tell you the feeling that I after I read your last post on this thread.
Holy crap, you have been and are going through so much physical and emotional pain that I don't know how you carry on.
You must be a very strong woman. Many would buckle under the pressure that you have on you.
Even though I imagine that it must break your heart to see your husband in so much pain (let alone the pain of your own you have to deal with). I am the primary caregiver for my ageing mother. I find that difficult, it must be many times over, more difficult to have it be your spouse, that you had intended to spend the rest of your life with.
Whatever I say seems so woefully inadequate. You have so much on your plate.
I know that we all appreciate your postings to the forum. I think that they are very helpful but don't want you to be in pain.
Even though you have been in the forum for a relatively short period of time, you certainly have made your presence known, in a very positive way.
Sometimes it takes people a long time to bond. It hasn't in your case with this forum.
Hang in there, we are all rooting for you.
I can't tell you the feeling that I after I read your last post on this thread.
Holy crap, you have been and are going through so much physical and emotional pain that I don't know how you carry on.
You must be a very strong woman. Many would buckle under the pressure that you have on you.
Even though I imagine that it must break your heart to see your husband in so much pain (let alone the pain of your own you have to deal with). I am the primary caregiver for my ageing mother. I find that difficult, it must be many times over, more difficult to have it be your spouse, that you had intended to spend the rest of your life with.
Whatever I say seems so woefully inadequate. You have so much on your plate.
I know that we all appreciate your postings to the forum. I think that they are very helpful but don't want you to be in pain.
Even though you have been in the forum for a relatively short period of time, you certainly have made your presence known, in a very positive way.
Sometimes it takes people a long time to bond. It hasn't in your case with this forum.
Hang in there, we are all rooting for you.
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