Alone in a Room Full of People

[spinsugar20]

I was doing well for so long. I was pretty happy. Now it is all changing. Nothing has happened. No significant event that would cause me to feel upset. I just woke up one morning and did not feel as happy. The next day a little less. A couple of days ago, I woke up, and I am just sad. This always happens to me. The last post I made, I just re-read, I was really whining about my life and past. I can not possibly be still grieving from any traumatic experience from my childhood. I am 28. It is just time to grow up and move on. Maybe some weird chemical imbalance in my brain. Maybe I do need meds. I just feel like a stronger person than that. I feel like everytime I succeed past these moments of sadness that I have become a stronger person and next time it will be a little bit easier. I fear, however, that it is just taking me to long to get better and I am missing out on all of the goods things that life has to offer me; stable connections with people, happiness, love, truth, goals. I get told that maybe this is just the plan that God has for me. If that is the case, I am finding it hard to accept. How did God mess up the plans that I have for myself? Is this just a safety mechanism? Is it a way for me to feel comfortable in not living my life to the fullest or the way that I want? I really just need an outlet. Writing use to be that for me but I have lost my words. I need to be stronger than this echoing sadness in my mind. It is strange how I do not feel it in my heart. I feel it in my mind and the pit of my stomach when I feel like crying. Why is it not in my heart? I want so many things for my life. I want to find someone to love me and that I actually have the power to love them back. I want to feel comfortable having a conversation with someone and not feel like they are reading me like a book. How can I feel so alone in a room full of people? I am always going to continue to deal with these haunting feelings. I just am tired of continuing to be strong. I am ready just to live a normal, basic, simple life.

[georgiapeach]

spinsugar20,
it sounds like you could possibly be still suffering from an old childhood tramatizing expirence, its not uncommon... at all. have you seen a therapist? if not and if you can afford it i strongly recommend it, bc they can help you get to the pit of your depression and whats making you deeply saddened. also, if you think meds are the way to go, look into it only if you want to though. if so i recommend starting out w/ you general practicioner, and they can further assist you to find the proper help you may need.

[aim]

Hello Spin - nice to meet you!

You definitely sound depressed... please don't think of taking medication as weak, ok? If you do have a chemical imbalance, you need medication to balance it out and make you feel better. Think of it as a diabetic needing their insulin if that helps.

It is noble work you do, Spin! Oftentimes, it is theraputic to help others through their hard times. Just please don't forget to help yourself as well. As Georgiapeach said... therapy is a good idea. Talk to a pro; see what they can offer you!

Good luck!!!