Sharing my story

[aim]

So...my story goes like this. Grew up in a nice, middle-class family in a working class area of New Jersey. I was the middle child of three, and the oldest female. My father and I had a special relationship - not only was there love between us, but we genuinely liked each other as people. Then...disaster struck. My father's behavior began to alter dramatically, and he became emotionally abusive towards me in particular. I found out...three years later, that he had gone away to rehab. He's been mostly sober since then, with falls off and on, but I've grown enough to understand it more, I think.

I do believe this episode of my childhood set me up for my current and past issues. When I was 22, I had a full-on nervous breakdown. I couldn't eat, sleep or work, and all I did was cry. I ended up with pretty serious clinical depression, which stemmed largely from an intense health anxiety.

I was able to climb out of the depression, but had to steer clear of certain medical information - still do, actually. For a while, my anxiety was on the back burner...but, of course, a little less than a year ago, it came back.

I've been on Paxil for about six months and it's worked wonders for me. I currently have health anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder. I have not been hit with depression again since my sink ten years ago, but I do feel that anxiety will be with me forever. I'm learning to accept this and find ways to live with it. I've gotten rid of the toxic people in my life, and try desperately to stay positive. The chat room attached to these forums saved my life when the anxiety came back full force, and I really have been enjoying the forums as well.

I have to thank everyone who has been there for me here, and I do hope to give back to everyone as well. I wish more people would use the forums, as with my busy work schedule it's not always easy to enter the chat. Thank you all... and my apologies if this was waaaay too long!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Nicely done aim, and thank you for sharing.

Keep the faith, your dreams are there, reach out and hang on to the positive. Depression keeps the mind bugled at times, but well worth the fight to a better future.

Thanks for posting.

Warmie

[aim]

Thank you for reading, Jeanie. It took a lot for me to post that...I don't usually do things like that! I appreciate your nice thoughts and words... (((((((Jeanie))))))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

YW ((((( aim ))))) Someday I may just write about my life, who knows. But then I would get ban if I did, LOL.

tc

[aim]

Hey Jeanie... I hope you do write about your life one day... and yes, I am at a point where I do believe that all I desire can happen for me. That's what happens when you do get rid of toxic people, I think. And, of course, when you stay positive about your life.

I'm glad the forums have given US a chance to stay in touch...I really do hope to talk to you soon.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Getting rid of toxic people? These people proclaim love then goes to the arms of others. Can think of better terms then toxic, LOL.

Well good for you aim, glad all your desires can happen. Thought that myself, but then 'something' better came along.

My life, naah it is boring and not interesting. Abuse, mental and physical, rape, unfaithful love, fight for what I have, fight to keep it. Fighting for a love that isn't and can't be, is one thing I am not going to continue to battle, why should I?

Enough said.

Warmie

[aim]

((((((((Jeanie))))))))) very sad, but boring, no. Anytime you want to share, please do. You've offered support to me, and I would love to have the opportunity to do the same for you...

And I have to say that for too long I didn't think I could, or was worthy of getting anything I wanted out of life... I'm finally in a place where I'm staying positive and hoping for the best.

I wish for all your dreams to come true...

"Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime."

I just got that quote in an e-mail and thought it was great, so I wanted to share it...

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((( aim )))))

Thank you for sharing.

Jeanie