in a rut

[Wes]

My name is Wesley, this is my first time to this site, i read alot of the forums and see alot of the same problems i have, ive never really thought of myself being sick or having a disease, but i guess i do, i know i suffer from depression now. I'm 21 years old, i have no job, i have no car, no license, no insurance, no money, I am kind of overweight and I am gay, which no one knows about. I was beaten and mistreated by my stepfather when i was 12-14, i finally moved out of that situation and moved in with a great aunt, she is 86 years old now, I help take care of her, my mom and little sisters(ages 7 and 10) moved in recently as well. I used to have friends, they have all moved on now, I really dont have anyone to talk to anymore. I got a job for 6 months after i graduated in may of 2005, before i quit, which now i wish i never did, but i did because of conflicts with my bosses. I have rarely been outside of this house since i quit the job in december of 2006, I have no real friends and again I have no car or insurance, my grandmother drove me to and from my job, which she would be unable to do so now, she doesnt get around as well and she has heart problems. I go out occasionally for groceries with one of my older cousins, thats about it. I feel so alone and hopeless, i dont know what to do, im not happy, i see no way out, my family doesnt really do anything, they work, come home and just..sleep, eat, work, they dont do anything for me, tell me to get a job...when i have no transportation, i havent worked in over 2 years, i dont even remember what its like to live in the outside world, i feel so lost and alone. I spend most of my days watching old dvds like buffy the vampire slayer, surfing the internet, and laying in bed, sleeping because i cant sleep at night. I never fall asleep til around 4-5am, and recently, for the past month or so, ive been having nightmares and when i wake up my head is throbbing in pain. I will sleep til like 10-11am, get up and eat, sleep some more 1-3pm, mess on the computer/watch tv/play xbox, sleep some more 6-8pm, then im just up, alone, til 4-5am, online gaming or on the pc. My life has been this way for over 2 years now. I dont know what to do, i dont think about suicide, i would never do that. I'm just lost and hopeless...I know i dont want to stay here til i just die, but i dont know where to start to make things change, i dont know what to do, any advice anyone could offer would be greatly appreciated.

[Emotional_77]

hi wes, welcome to the forums.. I am also 21 and I can relate to you as not having any friends.. I do the same things as you pretty much, stay inside my house and hang out with family from time to time. Although I do have a job but it sucks right now i only work on weekends, I'm hoping for other things to come up as sometimes i dont really care if they do but i know they have to so i can make money.

The only real friends i have are on the internet and im getting so lonely each day. I just feel like my life is going to be this big emptiness forever and i will never have someone to be with.. not like a boyfriend wise but just a friend you know? Video game playing by yourself tends to get depressing lol.

Anyway, you seem like a good guy and if you ever want to talk just pm alright?

take care of yourself and go to the chatroom once in a while, its a good place there.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( Wes )))))))))))))))))))))))

A hug for you.

Warmie