I don't know what to say?

[nyc86]

This has been eating me alive because I want to help but don't know how.Let me start out by telling you what I've accepted so that you can understand me before i get into the real topic.I've known I've been depressed for a long time but haven't told anyone.One reason for that is I have no friends so who am I going to tell.And the other is that I come from a tough hard working family.My parents work extremely hard for simply maintaining our family's important needs.We never talk about each others personal matters because they already go through so much as it is.I don't want to trouble them with my anxiety problem.I guess I am ashamed to tell them that their 1st born child is not very strong as they might think.Also as the eldest of 4,I feel I have to put up a front and pretend everything is fine because I like the fact that my siblings look up to me and I don't want to ruin that.My family is all I need so don't worry about me.I don't want any friends because people will always let you down.I've learned to cope with my depression since there is no way I could ever take my life.My family works too hard for me too ever take the easy way out.I've learned to accept that in life,you must play the cards you were dealt.Everyone has a purpose whether its minor or major.Mine is to simply help guide my siblings to a better life and make sure you don't screw up like I did.I didn't have anyone to talk to but they know they have me. And on that note let me get to the real point.sorry for my post being way too long.I just felt you needed to see why it's hurting me to make a decision on what I must do.I though everything was fine with my brothers and sister.I thought they were leading normal lives like ordinary people......Until I found my sisters journal.I went into her room to get my mp3 she took.She had left her journal on her bed open and she had just stepped out to the store.Now being the nosy and annoying older brother that I am,I decided to read it and use the information in it to make fun of her for the rest of the day .Unfortunately,what i read was not what I wanted to see.As it turns out,it seems like my sister is going through depression herself.The major difference between me and her is that I have accepted my life as is.I should have noticed all the signs.She wasn't going out at all anymore.She doesn't talk to her friends anymore.And she is losing sleep.I want to help her but in her journal entry she says that they she wishes she had my toughness so that she could feel better about her self.She feels that her family thinks she is nothing but a problem and is a little bit jealous that my other two younger bothers get all the attention.My questions to you is: What can I do to help her?I don't want to tell her that I'm depressed as well.I don't think that would help her at all.Any comment would be greatly appreciated.I'm sorry for the long post.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hi nyc,

Depression is an illness, as many other things are considered an 'illness'. Diabetes, cancer, heart conditions, the list goes on and on. This happens, the depression, and we learn or at least try to understand it, seek proper medical help and survive.

Why is there a need to hide it from your sister? Perhaps, with her thinking you are the strong one, letting her know you do deal with it will only show her that it is possible.

Perhaps you dealing with depression, will also give her the confidence to talk with you, for one of the things we do fear is the judgment that comes with this illness.

Not saying my thoughts are correct, just opening options that you could consider.

Take care and good luck to both of you, thoughts with you.

Warmie/Jeanie13

[Pattym782]

Hi nyc,

I read your post and let me just say that I'm 24 yrs old and also the eldest of 4 and suffered from depression since my early teens. I too feel the responsibility of being a good role model for my sibilings but depression makes it really hard. I've never been open about my depression with any of my family members but if I knew that one of my brothers or sister was going through it, I would definitely step out and try to help them. I know you probably feel helpless since you're depressed yourself but just talking with your sister would probably make her feel a lot better and she can open up to you. I think all depressed people need someone to talk to and what better than a big bother. Well, I hope the best for both of you

Patty

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((((((( nyc ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hugs sometimes help.

Warmie

[aim]

Hi NYC. I have to agree with Jeanie on this one... your sister knowing that someone she looks up to, someone she sees as "strong," may help her face her own depression and start crawling out of it. Also, it might give you some help at the same time.

Depression can eat you up if you don't seek help. Like Jeanie said, it's a disease, the same as cancer. What would happen if you did not treat cancer, after all?

I understand your desire to be the strong one, but please do keep in mind that sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is ask for help. You're tough...it's obvious. And if you are from NYC, we're from the same neck of the woods so I get it... but please do take care of yourself as well as your family... I hope things get better for you... lots of luck and (((((((((((NYC))))))))))) to you.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( NYC ))))))))))))))))

Hope you are still about and reading.

Warmie

[nyc86]

I actually forgot I had made a post here.I had just been driving myself crazy trying to remember my password for this site.Anyways,thank you guys for your reply's.When i wrote all that down I was a wreck.So lost and clueless on what i can do to help.I knew I had to say something,I mean it was so obvious there was no way I can just let this play out.I guess I just didn't want to reveal what I was going through because I always believed my emotions would be buried with me forever.Nevertheless,I had to stop thinking selfishly and basically step up and do what I felt was right.The right thing being your suggestions.....just talk to her.I asked her,what did she think was causing her so much stress?(like i said awhile ago.she had sleeping issues,trouble concentrating,etc.).It took her awhile to really get into the bigger issues.I didn't really try to push her into saying her problem.I didn't want her to shut down on me.Shes admitted to me that she thinks its more psychological than stress.

[nyc86]

I talked to my parents about it.They are very old fashioned people so I was shocked at how concerned they were about the situation.I honestly thought I had to talk them into getting some therapy help for my sister.I thought they would blow it off and say she just needs more rest.But that was not the case.She just started seeing a therapist very recently.It looks like shes going to be alright.Hopefully the woman shes seeing is legit.Thank you guys for your feedback.You were all 100% right.On a side note I did manage to keep my issue a secret.I"m glad there was never a need for me to talk about myself.But if I really needed to say something I definitely would have.Luck was just on my side this time.

[aim]

Nyc - that's great for your sister!!! See? Parents love their children unconditionally and only want what is best for them. They hate to see their children suffering, and long only to get them the help they need. Good job!!!

Why not help yourself too though, nyc? There is no shame in it - which I know that you know already. What is stopping you from caring for yourself the way you have cared for your sister?

I hope you re-think this one, nyc. You are important too... don't you know that?