What scares me...

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Tay19
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 12:17 am

What scares me...

Postby Tay19 » Thu Jun 21, 2018 12:20 am

what scares me you ask. I think the better question would have been what doesn’t scare you?. Atelphobia is basically what I have…that being said I am not afraid of not being good enough for other people. I am afraid of not being good enough for myself. I used to be a fighter, hard worker, pushed myself to the limit with sports, was proud of myself, I would shine, I made people laugh, and I never cared about what other people thought. As the years went on and life happened the bright light inside of me started to dim, I have lost who I am because I have tried so hard to be someone Im not, to fit in, to say things to make other people happy, failing to make myself happy. I have failed myself, which is why I try so hard to help out other people,It is easier to help someone else than help myself. I am lost and I am scared Im not going to find myself because in order to do that I need to change and change is not easy for me, I need to acknowledge where my life is, to stop blaming other people or situations for dimming my light. It scares me to look inside myself because I don’t like what I see, I have become so good at lying to myself that I don’t even know who I am anymore, I am scared….scared to take a chance, scared to step outside of my box, scared to even look people in the eyes sometimes, scared to push myself, to hold myself accountable for my life, I am scared to feel. When I leave my house I put on a mask, I pretend I am happy, that nothing bothers me, that I have all the answers, that I am fun. I am so blessed with amazing friends and a great family…sadly they don’t even know the me right now, the anxiety and depression I fight everyday, they know the outgoing, funny, caring, loving, confident mask I portray myself to be, If they really knew what was going on in my head and the internal struggle within, the insecurity, and doubt I think they would all run for the hills . I know I can’t live this life they way I have been living it anymore, I need to find myself, I need to stop looking backwards at who I used to be and start looking forward at who I can be, to stop dwelling on the past, to stop thinking thoughts and not turning them into a reality, to feel again, to allow myself to fail and make mistakes, and most importantly to understand that sometimes I need help too. 

sofia8687
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:18 pm
Location: Greece

Re: What scares me...

Postby sofia8687 » Thu Jun 21, 2018 3:51 am

Hello thank you for sharing..
I do too put on a mask every single day making it extremely difficult for me to do things I liked in the past...My depression sometimes gets the better of me and I am really tired pretending for people who in reality if I actually disappeared for a year I really believe they wouldn't notice..I used to be a strong happy person and now I feel empty and alone..
But I have tried to keep myself busy with different activities and trying out new hobbies in order to slowly make myself whole again...It isn't easy when you feel nothing at all..and when you are tired mentally and unmotivated by everyone including yourself but Just because I am willing to give something a chance I somehow keeps me going...I still remember the old happy me and I know that you must be doing the same thing..But as time passed I realized that I am really tired of accusing and crying over my inability to become as I was in the past..It's been very difficult for me and I have tried to always keep myself busy in order to keep my own thoughts from reliving the the past and the happiness it had...I just move on slowly you can say and since I don't really have real friends that would help and understand me I realized that I have to count on myself even if I know that myself isn't enough most of the time..
I do not know what you make of me or If I helped at all but I also don't like who I am now and I also need to re-discover myself as well..I think putting small goals,a lot time and making yourself willing to give your own self a chance is the way of helping yourself.
Keep on fighting :D

Alone2long
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 11:59 am

Re: What scares me...

Postby Alone2long » Thu Jun 21, 2018 12:38 pm

Hey tey19

I have a friend who describes to me almost the same feelings. Except for the friends and family ....it's almost identical to how she feels. If you make any progress with your problems..maybe you can write down what helped you. I would appreciate the help...ty

Ann
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2018 3:42 pm

Re: What scares me...

Postby Ann » Fri Jun 22, 2018 9:27 pm

You are very hard on yourself but I think that you have good insight and realize that you have to make some changes to your thinking patterns. It is best to put the past behind and concentrate on the present. Using your five senses in the moment can help you relax and enjoy your surroundings more. I hope that you can find enjoyment in living in the here and now.

foreverbeach11
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2018 10:05 pm

Re: What scares me...

Postby foreverbeach11 » Fri Jun 22, 2018 11:22 pm

Sometimes I think we are too hard on ourselves. When we look back on our lives we remember how things used to be. Life is ever changing and things don't remain the same. Have you considered counseling to help you deal with the change that you want to take place? Maybe a counselor would help you take the fear out of change and come to terms with your life as it stands now. Have you thought about how you would like your life to be now? Maybe consider writing down how you would like things to be and have a plan in place to accomplish those things. In my own life, I can see how I have changed from how I used to be. I have now grown older and hopefully wiser and the way I used to be wouldn't really be a part of my life now. We all change as we grown older. I'm sorry you are going through this. Wishing you the best.

CamGirl
Posts: 37
Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:04 am

Re: What scares me...

Postby CamGirl » Mon Jun 25, 2018 12:54 am

sofia8687 wrote:Hello thank you for sharing..
I do too put on a mask every single day making it extremely difficult for me to do things I liked in the past...My depression sometimes gets the better of me and I am really tired pretending for people who in reality if I actually disappeared for a year I really believe they wouldn't notice..I used to be a strong happy person and now I feel empty and alone..
But I have tried to keep myself busy with different activities and trying out new hobbies in order to slowly make myself whole again...It isn't easy when you feel nothing at all..and when you are tired mentally and unmotivated by everyone including yourself but Just because I am willing to give something a chance I somehow keeps me going...I still remember the old happy me and I know that you must be doing the same thing..But as time passed I realized that I am really tired of accusing and crying over my inability to become as I was in the past..It's been very difficult for me and I have tried to always keep myself busy in order to keep my own thoughts from reliving the the past and the happiness it had...I just move on slowly you can say and since I don't really have real friends that would help and understand me I realized that I have to count on myself even if I know that myself isn't enough most of the time..
I do not know what you make of me or If I helped at all but I also don't like who I am now and I also need to re-discover myself as well..I think putting small goals,a lot time and making yourself willing to give your own self a chance is the way of helping yourself.
Keep on fighting :D


All I can say is you should trust and believe in yourself. Stay positive. We are all unique and have our own capabilities.


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