dealing with my girlfriends depression

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dazedandconfused
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 4:46 am

dealing with my girlfriends depression

Postby dazedandconfused » Thu May 03, 2018 5:08 am

Hi,

I guess I'm using this as more of an outlet for everything I'm thinking, any advise would be great as well.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year now, the first 10 months were nothing short of spectacular, we fell for each other almost instantly, we spoke about everything in our lives and shes the first person ive ever been so honest with, we had so many laughs and trips together and truly were best friends.
this was a long distance relationship and towards the end of the year we decided id move closer to be with her and from then we decided to live together, we were both so excited at this prospect, we had even discussed marriage.
then 2 months ago she started to become distant, not as affectionate (she is an extremely affectionate person normally) and found it hard to spend time together, we had the pressures of decorating a house, plus i was looking for work and she had a lot of her own work stresses, so the distance i just put down to stress.
then 3 weeks ago the distance went up a notch to almost non-existent, again the stress of work for her had increased so i just tried to give her space and support her as much as possible.
A week later she told me she had been really struggling and thinks she may be suffering from depression, i.e. she doesn't feel anything at all, she just feels numb towards everything in her life, i was absolutely heartbroken by this knowing the woman i love is hurting so much.

I told her that i am here for her and will support her through this for as long as it takes, having had a bout of depression myself I know not to press the matter or smother her so i said she can have the space she needs and ill be there for her.

the last week has been the worst yet, she has told me we shouldn't live together and thinks it would be good if i got my own place and go back to dating again, she doesn't want to split up but thinks she needs to go back to when we were happiest, I have agreed to this and feel it would be a good move for us, especially as she needs her own space at the moment.

Its just a very heartbreaking time for the both of us, her own depression is hurting her and in turn from my point of view I'm heartbroken to as 4 weeks ago we were choosing flooring for our home and now i am viewing properties alone.

i love her with all my heart and ive decided to stick by her and support her thorugh this time, im well aware depression can cause loss of feelings and im also aware things might never be the same.

im just terrified all this is leading towards losing her completely. as much as i know alot of this is the depression talking i still cant help but blame myself or think is there something i could have done differently.

i just want her to be ok and happy and its killing me knowing i might not be a part of that happiness moving forwards.

Edwin3
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:45 am

Re: dealing with my girlfriends depression

Postby Edwin3 » Fri May 04, 2018 6:09 pm

Hi, dazedandconfused,

It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. You not only have your own needs and emotions to deal with, but your girlfriend’s as well. Several thoughts came to mind as I was reading over this. First, do you have someone you can lean on in this difficult time? Who can be your support network so that you don’t have to carry all this alone? Second, life is too heavy to carry the future. I know that this could have serious implications for your long term relationship and you don’t want to be blind to that, but I believe that survival is dependent on taking life one day (or, in some cases, one moment) at a time. Don’t forget to savor the good things as they come along and to take care of yourself so that your hope stays alive and you can be strong for her and for you. Hang in there!

dazedandconfused
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 4:46 am

Re: dealing with my girlfriends depression

Postby dazedandconfused » Wed May 09, 2018 4:05 am

@edwin

thank you for your reply, i am speaking with my friends and family regularly.

the thing i can tget my head round is the sudden change in emotions, she seems to be laughing with others, but with me it feels like shes doesnt want to be anywhere near me, like she has suddenly just had enough of the relationship, tryng to stay positive and remind myself this is (or could be) the depression making this happen but i feel completely rejected!

Edwin3
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 1:45 am

Re: dealing with my girlfriends depression

Postby Edwin3 » Thu May 10, 2018 8:48 pm

Hi, dazedandconfused,

I’m so glad that you have friends and family to support you in this difficult time. It is possible that it is the relationship itself that she is struggling to know how to deal with. For instance, she may not know how to handle a truly close relationship. Some people are frightened when a relationship moves beyond a particular stage. Would there be any place for seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist? It might serve to expose the underlying issues and help point the way toward healing. Even if she is unwilling to participate, consulting with a professional might help bring things into perspective for you. Here is a list of resources I found which might prove helpful https://bit.ly/2jcCm6F. I know this must be an emotional roller coaster. But hang on! My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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