My stepmom's parenting & My story

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My stepmom's parenting & My story

Postby Unreal_Username » Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:18 am

Hello, I am new to this forum and have looked around at some of the other threads and decided to give it a try and post my problem. Here are some basic facts about me:
17 years old
Lives in the US
Introverted :(
My parents are divorced and I have a stepmom "Samantha" .
I have 1 younger brother "Nathan" (13) and 1 younger half-brother "Fred" (7) (Note that all names used are fake and are simply placeholders)

I've been told by many teachers that I am smart, funny, and a good student. I'm very lucky to have the advantages that I do. Despite these, my brother and I feel extremely anxious whenever we are at my stepmom's place and are very frustrated with the situation and would appreciate any advice given to help the situation.

I can't do much without feeling judged. I am critisized for seemingly random things like the slight midplacement of various items in the dishwasher that have no impact on the quality of the wash cycle and I asked my dad for help and he agrees with me that he doesn't see a pattern nor knows how to help.

I feel like she doesn't love me or my brother, only her true son. I try my best to impress her and appreciate and respect her but no matter how hard I try she still calls me things like this regularly-
"Jerk", "Rude", "Disrespectful", "Snarky"(Somewhat true because it reflects in my sense of humor but this happens even when I reply a very serious answer). This is even worse for my brother where she has stated very recently "My day was doing fine until F***monster came along." clearly implying that Nathan ruined her entire day. This comment was triggered after my brother was complaining to me(not my stepmom's conversation) about an issue contained in this article and swore(shouldn't have swore but that doesn't excuse her comment).

The amount of negative feedback we get from Samantha is huge and mostly unsupportive. None of these issues occur at mom's house or when only Dad is home. I have talked with my dad about the issue and he agrees with me most of the time so it isn't just me. Samantha "helicopter parents" her son Fred and watches him way too closely.
In addition, Fred is a spoiled bully. Fred's behavior in school and at home is inappropiate and Samantha doesn't seem to realise. Her common excuse for his behavior is that he is only 7 and that I should not be judging her parenting style because I am not a parent. While I agree that I am not a parent and shouldn't be judging, I only express concern for the well-being of Fred and his future. Fred is barely punished for things that seem like more punishable offenses. Just the other day, he actually kicked a person at school not once but TWICE. For this, he recieved only 2 days of no priveleges. Fred will also threaten anyone else by throwing something at them or by hitting them to get what he wants. He has hit/thrown many things before at me and Nathan and is only very promptly punished for his misdoing and is then excused from all further punishment.

It has happened multiple times now where I am almost "counseling" my brother Nathan about the situation and he would actually start crying and threaten to remove his custody from Samantha and live with Mom full time. What should I do? Am I just crazy? How can I support Nathan? I ask this forum to hopefully gather some advice on whether this is "good" or "bad" parenting and the possible solutions that are at hand. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I greatly appreciate it. :).

Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:18 pm
Location: Greece

Re: My stepmom's parenting & My story

Postby sofia8687 » Thu Jun 21, 2018 1:37 am

Now I am not an expert but I will try to give you my opinion and hopefully some advice on what you should do (Note that I am a 17 girl as well so I believe that at the very least understand the situation you are in)
Firstly I am extremely sorry for you and your little brother that you both are having the same problem/relationship with your stepmother,it must not have been easy dealing with her and even living together under the same roof must be a 'living nightmare'(literally I think..)
I do not believe that her methods of parenting are nearly as good or appropriate as they should be ,and her treating you and your brother like dirt is inexcusable . (Now I would really appreciate it if you gave some sort of information on your real mother,so I could have a more clear picture but it is ok if you don't want to share :) ..)
On the other hand "Samantha' seems do be in denial and lets her son do whatever he wants to whomever he likes without any consequences, clearly that is not how you should teach your 7 year old son to treat people...And her not accepting you and your brother as alive people and not dirt under her shoes must mean that she is very narrow-minded, since she can't see her own mistakes and judgemental of everything you and your brother do just because you aren't her biological sons...
I take it that she doesn't love you in reality and that she just tolerates your existense when your dad is around..Has your dad talked to her? You are obviously not happy with her and he can't have been ignoring his sons,if he hasn't explain him the situation again and have tell your stepmother that you are willing to give a chance to your relationship (That's what civilized people do after all) You are nearly an adult that doesn't 'live in the clouds'and his imagination like a little kid would do and I am sure that you haven't done anything to provoke or disrespect her in any way.
I do not have any logical explanation for the way she treats and if she isn't willing to give you a chance she may be a lost train..Because she will never accept you or tolerate you if she doesn't get it in her own mind that what she is doing is wrong)
Your little brother isn't stupid and can understand the situation as well as you do..Him wanting to remove his custody means that he has had enough and isn't happy.You have to support him like you do now if he is happier with your mom he would surely want to go back to her and live in the happy environment and home she provides. (I am not sure if the same applies to you)
This is an extremely serious matter that you have to think yourself and your brother. Just think this:
If you're off to college a year or two and your little brother still lives with Samantha , he will have to face her all by himself without anyone knowing what he is going through. (Now as I said before I don't know if your mom is better than Samantha or if she thinks you guys are better off with her than your Stepmom) What is more your brother will be living in an unhealthy environment and won't develop his personality as he would in another situation..He may actually develop depression and anxiety disorders in the years to come..It is very serious again if you think his part of the story.
I do not have right answers because I only know what is going on from the info you provided me with the other are just my speculations and mere possible thoughts that what you could be going through..If you want you could PM me or simply ignore me (that's ok with me not all of us are open to people we don't know :-) )
I would really appreciate it if you told me your mother's opinion on the matter and if your brother and you have any hobbies and friends that keep you preoccupied.
I really hope that you and your brother are ok and you are strong enough to manage the difficulties your stepmother *kindly* throws at you.(a bit of sarcasm there to break the ice,I think you are a sarcastic person,if not please ignore and don't make me feel embarrassed (TT))
Take care and be strong.
Another person on the other side of the world :D

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