Messed up life.

[chrweber89]

My life has been filled with ups and downs. As a young child me and my younger sister were molested by our older cousin. Later on it was my next door neighbor and me fooling around and then my best friend and I would play truth or dare and it would get dirty. My child hood was filled with sexual acts. It was also filled with death. My mothers side was full of smokers who never took care of themselves and so every year I would have to go to at least 2-3 funerals. Then in 5th grade I realized that I like guys more than girls which through me. Then I struggled with my sexuality till I was a freshman in highschool and then came out as a sophmore and had basically all good reactions. even so I was dealing with depression and so my parents had me go to counseling. Later as a junior I went to chicago with my family and we were on like the fifth floor of our hotel which had a balcony. Later I revealed that I had contemplated jumping to my mom and she sent me back into counseling. Now I am on the 11th floor of my dorm( I am a freshman in college) and I am still dealing with depression and fight the occasional urge of suicide. I am also now several hours away from my family and friends. I love the campus and the program I am in and dont want to move back to a closer college but I am wondering if it would be worth it. I am just so sick and tired of everything. Being a gay college student who is overweight and in the midwest of USA it is hard to find a Boyfriend. I have found friends but no best friend that will hang out with me all the time.