Time

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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whatsnew
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:45 pm

Time

Postby whatsnew » Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:52 pm

Time. Time is all I have now, I’m lost in it and I can’t escape. I’m only 16 and I’ve had more pain than a grown man.
I lost my mother, my father doesn’t understand me and my brother and I hate each other.
I made so many mistakes... I trusted people I should have never trusted, I did things I will regret until the day I die, and I just hate my self. I find my self ugly, disgusting and annoying.
I have no friends, no one to rely on, No one to cry to, no one to come over my house and just listen to me rant.
I have this feeling in my stomach, it’s like this void. It’s just empty, and I feel like I’m missing something, I want to cry all the f****** time. I just go to school, go home and play video games all day just to distract me from the reality I live in.
I can’t do homework because I don’t f****** understand anything, I’m so f****** dumb.
I hate not being on my phone because then I get stuck in time, I blank out and think about every mistake and horrible moment in my pathetic life.
I hate everyone but I want someone... I don’t know how to describe this feeling, it sucks so much. No one understands what I’m going through. “Distract yourself” “you’re overreacting”
They will never understand how bad I want to die, if I wasn’t so afraid of death I would’ve killed my self so long ago..

I’m sorry..

ImJohn
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: Time

Postby ImJohn » Sat Mar 31, 2018 3:31 pm

Hi there,

Wow that's quite a post and quite a situation to be in / way to be feeling. I was going to add ("at 16") but really age isn't very relevant when someone is feeling as awful as you clearly do.

I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your mother. You must miss her a lot and perhaps that's just how you're father and brother feel too; really lost without her and missing her terribly. I hope this time thing will help you all. I don't know you or your family but maybe you're all still grieving and it'd help if you could all talk about how you feel together in a sympathetic rather than in an argumentative way. All feelings are relevant and no feelings are ever wrong as such. But they have to be honest feelings, from the heart and not ones intended to hurt or engender feelings of guilt etc.

No, you're not dumb; you couldn't write like you do if you were. And as to understanding things, well some of the smartest people on the planet spend a lifetime trying to understand stuff and still don't fully 'get it'. Realising you don't understand is a sign of intelligence not a sign of stupidity.

So you've done things you regret. Well, join the club - which consists of about 7 billion people i.e. just about everyone on the planet. The best thing you can do, that anyone can do, is learn from mistakes and try not to go wrong again.

Finally, if you continue to feel extreme emotions, especially self destructive ones, then please go and see your doctor. You sound like you could be suffering from depression and, thankfully, there's increasing understanding and awareness so they should be able to help you - even find you someone you can rant and rave at if it helps.

Take care

John. :D

whatsnew
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:45 pm

Re: Time

Postby whatsnew » Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:26 pm

Thank you.. honestly, that made me feel better. I’ll try to see someone about my mental health but first I’ll have to convince my dad and hopefully he won’t send me straight to a hospital again, but thank you.

ImJohn
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: Time

Postby ImJohn » Tue Apr 03, 2018 2:27 pm

Hello again,

I'm pleased you found what I wrote useful and that it made you feel better. I'm also pleased you were able to say 'thank you' - it's a sign of maturity, thoughtfulness (for others) and generally good manners too. So, somewhere along the line your parents did OK - yeh?!

As I said in my last post I don't know you or your family (I only have what you've written to go on) but I get the impression you're a bit worried about your Dad's reaction to how you feel. So, just in case it'll help, I'm going to converse with your Dad for a while. You can listen in if you like, though it's going to be a while yet before you'll have to think about these things yourself.

Dear Dad,

I hear you've been through some very sad and no doubt tough times recently, what with losing your wife and having two children to look after as well as all the other stuff life throws at us. May I offer you my condolences and a minutes silence ...

Me? Oh, I'm a Dad too and I've been though the wringer a bit as well but my children (two boys) are all grown up now. I'm here because depression got me good and now I've found a way back I sort of feel it's right I should use my experience to help others.

We have to be strong for our children don't we. You know calm and competent in the face of adversity, kind and gentle when they're ill but firm when the need arises. We can solve any problem, fix whatever is broken, put a roof over their heads and food on the table come what may. But there comes a time, usually around the late teens, when they begin to see the our flaws and weaknesses. It's hard to let go a little then, not because we can't keep going but because it's time to let them see we're merely human after all. And we want them to learn that it's OK to be a bit vulnerable because, yep, Dad's have emotions too and, despite appearances, are worried and anxious themselves much of the time. Our children are going to have to learn to handle it, life, the way we had to. It's hard but we can't protect them forever.

Only you will know when it's time, it's your call. Is it now that you let your child (young adult really) make their own choice about health matters (including mental health) and take the right road for them?

I hope everything turns out well for you and your family.

All the best and please take care.

Stuart and Christopher's Dad.


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