Hi just registered here

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Giveup
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:29 pm

Hi just registered here

Postby Giveup » Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:58 pm

I've had depression for about 20 years. I was an artist my whole life but after I started on antidepressants 20 years ago I lost my creativity. I really do think it's from the medication. I was on and off antidepressants for years but then for the last 10 years or so stayed on them because I heard it was bad for my brain to have deep depressions. Last year I started feeling such terrible fatigue that I weaned off Zoloft and then weaned off Wellbutrin.

About 2 months after getting off all the antidepressants I had a surge of creativity for about 2 months and I felt like my old self again I just wanted to listen to music and paint I wasn't manic I wasn't hyper I was just myself again it was fantastic. Then it just went away and I got terribly depressed again. Had to go back on medication. now I'm on Prozac been trying different meds combos with my behavioral NP to try to find some sense of creativity and inspiration again because I realized I deserve better. But the science hasn't come far in 20 years and you have to be a guinea pig nobody seems to have any sense of what will help medication wise for one person or the other and it's very frustrating.

I'm a nurse and my job can be very stressful at times. The reason I'm writing is I'm just so sick of it all. I feel so handicapped for my depression. I see how it limits me so much in my relationships in my ability to handle stress , conflict and my lack of resiliency.
I'm 54 and it's just getting worse not better. Exercise used to help and that doesn't even help anymore just makes me more tired.... yes I've been to the doctor about all this.

I have to say the political state of our country has not helped at all. It's depressing and maddening.

I have this sense lately that I just want to burn down my life.. it's a weird feeling... I want to quit my job ..Runaway...

lovetodance2018
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:11 pm

Re: Hi just registered here

Postby lovetodance2018 » Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:35 pm

I am sorry you have struggled with depression for so long. I have struggled with depression on and off for the last 20 years as well. I have gone on and off medicine, but finally came to terms that I might need to be on medication to stay stable. As you know medication is only half of the help. Circumstances can also affect how you are feeling. It sounds like you have had some times that were successful and you felt creative and well. Stay focused on those times and know that you can have them again. I know it is tough when the depression comes back and doesn't seem to end, but remember it does and you will feel better once again. Do you have a counselor that you talk to? Do you have friends that you can share your feelings? It is good that you are reaching out here. You are not alone and know that you have support. I have found that journaling is a great way to deal with my depression. I have learned that a lot of times it is my thoughts that triggers my depression and as long as I don't focus on the negative it seems to help. I write down my thoughts in my journal and then I pray over them and let them go as best as I can. I also listen to uplifting music. Here is a song that I to when I am struggling.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zo3fJYtS-o Please keep me updated on how you are feeling and feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

Giveup
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:29 pm

Re: Hi just registered here

Postby Giveup » Sun Apr 01, 2018 12:52 pm

Thank you very much for your words of kindness and wisdom and the music I appreciate it very much

Bearman
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2018 8:48 pm

Re: Hi just registered here

Postby Bearman » Sun Apr 01, 2018 9:33 pm

Giveup and Lovetodance,

I too just registered. What you are experiencing is very much like mine. When I was young growing up no one talked about depression. It was taboo and people were embarrassed to talk about it. A few kids I knew when I was a teenager took their lives. No one could understand why, especially at that age. I was always upbeat and excited about life and decided it was just a weakness in personality and would never happen to me. Amazing how life can humble you. Weight issues and relationship issues started to take a toll mentally. I saw a therapist, but frankly it just felt like I was talking to myself. I do that anyway, no need to pay for it :D. It was about that point I really started to reflect on my life and saw myself in a different light. Not a good one. I was an only child, shy, self conscious, immature, and insecure. Feelings were not discussed in my family so I kept them to myself. Relationships were hard and usually ended because I was self centered and didn't have the tools to be in a solid relationship.

I began to isolate myself and lived alone with very few friends. I think this just compounded the problem and I began to have episodes of real darkness that last for a couple of weeks. Over time these episodes became more frequent and lasted longer. I could barely function and everything seemed like a monumental effort. Health issues and chronic pain made me want to give up. I wish I had answers that could help you. What did help me came in the form of a little dog that had been a puppy mill dog. Honestly I think we needed each other. He was scared of his own shadow and fearful of other dogs. But he is the most loving and affectionate dog I've ever had. He doesn't want balls or toy, he just wants his human. Things are still difficult for me, but without him I don't think I would still be here. I don't know if that is an option for you, but a pets unconditional love is great therapy. I'd be happy to talk if you like. That too can help.

Image

lovetodance2018
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:11 pm

Re: Hi just registered here

Postby lovetodance2018 » Mon Apr 02, 2018 12:19 pm

Are you feeling any better this week? I am glad to hear that the music was encouraging. I realized that finding things that are uplifting and getting out of my thoughts are great strategies to help me with depression. I also recommend to read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers https://bit.ly/2EcBljZ. That book was a great help on understanding why I struggle with my thoughts, especially going through depression. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Please know I am available to chat if you would like. I haven't had a depression episode in 2 years. Still on medication, but I have learned what my triggers are. That is half the battle learning your triggers and have strategies in place when you can feel an episode coming on. Prayer and talking to others are some of the strategies I use. Blessings!


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