I need advice please before I loose my mind

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Bellavista89
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2018 12:52 pm

I need advice please before I loose my mind

Postby Bellavista89 » Tue Feb 27, 2018 4:00 pm

:cry: I met my lovely (ex) in September last year and can honestly say no other man treated me as good as he did, I’m divorced with 2 children and he was so good around them, he has a son with his ex and plays an active role in his life he’s a great father,
to cut a long story short from the first day we met he was open with me about his depression he said his family though maybe it was bipolar,
just before Christmas he took me out for a meal and explained that he struggles with his depression around this time of the year and that if he goes quiet not to worry and not to think it’s anything that I’ve done because it’s not he just gets low and that’s how he deals with it, I told him I’d be there for him no matter what and we just continued to enjoy our night.
I noticed a huge change in him around the beginning of January he would always text me in the mornings and ask how my day was going etc those stopped and when I asked him about his day I’d get a cold reply just saying he’s been really busy.
He’d complain that his joins were hurting he stopped sleeping and would work himself into the ground he was up at 5am and some night wouldn’t finish till 10! As it got to the end of January I was being completely ignored I tried to call and he wouldn’t pick up he wouldn’t reply to my text etc I didn’t see him for over a week I felt I was being avoided... then the kids start asking where he is and why they’ve not seen him (they’re 6 and 8)
Anyway he completely pushed me away and told me he had a lot going on etc then ended our relationship, he’s still left things here and I’ve text asking if he wants me to drop it off or leave it somewhere so that he can collect it but I’m still being ignored, he’s left our relationship on facebook but has just hidden it and after speaking to a mutual friend he had seen him only last week and had no idea our relationship was over,
Just don’t know what to do I want to be there for him but he won’t let me does it sound like he’ll come back when he’s had his space or am I fighting a looosing battle I really like this man. :cry:

ChicagoBlues321
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 10:34 am

Re: I need advice please before I loose my mind

Postby ChicagoBlues321 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 10:59 am

Hey Bellavista,

I completely understand your predicament! I know how stressful it can be to watch someone who you love very dearly just disappear away from you due to their depression. Does he have any family or close friends that you can get in touch with? Do you have access to his home, like did he ever give you keys or anything? If you have no other way of checking on him, like through family or anything, you can also call 311, the non-emergency police line, and request that they do a wellness check to make sure that he's ok and not in any danger. This may also serve to let him know that you're not going to just give up on him, and hopefully give him some hope for the future.

Note: this is also just advice based on what you've written, so please take it with a grain of salt.

I hope things work out for you!

ImJohn
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:42 am

Re: I need advice please before I loose my mind

Postby ImJohn » Wed Feb 28, 2018 11:37 am

Hi there,

Chicagoblues has given you some good advice and I hope things work out for you too.
Your man (ex) sounds like a great guy and you obviously care deeply about him which is great but horrible, nasty depression is getting in the way. I think he made a good and brave decision to tell you about his depression so I'll see if I can tell you a few things from my own experience that may help you both. Please bear in mind though that it's just my experience and my view; I may be wrong about what's going on.

You see depression drains you completely like nothing else can. It takes everything: energy, joy, happiness, hope so that you have nothing left to give - nothing. In this state you hear things differently so that even when someone wants to help you hear their want and their need. Part of you knows they're concerned and being kind and good, even loving, but you just can't find a way of being grateful. It's hard but I think the best thing you can be now is be patient and if you can communicate this somehow, it'll be repaid a thousand fold. You know something like, "When you're ready I'll be here for you and if you need me for anything I'll come." Just be there and wait and I sincerely hope that soon his depression will lift a little and he'll welcome you back with open arms.

It's fantastic that you've come here to seek advice. I said he sounds like a great guy and I think you've been a great gal! :D

Good luck to you both.

John.

Genlean
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:09 pm

Re: I need advice please before I loose my mind

Postby Genlean » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:19 pm

Thank you for sharing here. My heart aches for you and him. The above post have given you some great advice. Give him some space, yet connect "I'm here when your ready" Let him know that you want to connect. I understand that this is very difficult for you and your children. Determine how long you wish to wait for him.
Blessings to you.

Bearman
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2018 8:48 pm

Re: I need advice please before I loose my mind

Postby Bearman » Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:01 pm

Bellavista,

Depression affects everyone differently. I too tended to withdraw in relationships. When things seemed overwhelming I shut others out. It was a survival mechanism for me. It felt safer to be isolated. I'm sure the last thing he wants is to hurt you. Depression can feel like a crushing weight and he may find it hard to discuss it with you. It's hard to talk about deep feelings and he may feel embarrassed or even ashamed. You sound like a kind, caring person and have deep feelings for this man. Perhaps he does need space and an intimate relationship might be hard for him to handle right now. Let him know that first and foremost you are his friend and for now keep the relationship at that level.


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